Hello again. I have this burning issue to discuss tonight. So my mother accidently washed my $300 dollar Ralph Lauren down comforter and it mildewed because she accidently left it in the washer. All is forgiven. I'm still holding on to the time she bleached my $100 orange Kenneth Cole top that I waited forever to get. But anyway, I've decided to learn from this accident and provide everyone with information regarding the care of a goose or geese. Care Rules: 1)don't leave your goose in the washer for like three days...he will mildew. Feathers cannot lose that raunchy smell. 2)if you have a goose make sure that he is not named Ralph or Lauren because that can only mean that the recovery bill that you may have to pay will be expense...say $300 3)never leave your goose unattended...he may come around to bite you in the ass. 4)always remember to correct your goose with a wire hanger...yes a wire hanger. He will be very afraid and never disobey you again.* (*Disclaimer: Due to the use of wire hangers any and all references may invoke the spirit of Joan Crawford leading to the death of the goose by reason of wire beating) That is all the care instructions that I have. Anyway! Today Constance...a friend of mine...hello Constance...tells me that I am losing weight in my face. I think that I may have something wrong with me. Generally when I eat the result is 10lbs that are well deserved. What is up? Can't a fat person get a little fatter. Kidding. Moving on to more important matters is that of the dreaded Twilight phone. Yes it has come back to haunt me again. Last night I forgot to tell you (like I know who all the you's are out there) that I had a strange call from this German Lady. The call went something like this...here we go! Me: Hello and thank you for calling ********...this is Paul how may I help you? German Lady: Oh yes it's past twelve o'clock isn't it? Me: Yeah! It's like 12:38am. German Lady: That means it is now Saturday right? Me: I was always told that it turned the next day at midnight. German Lady: Well thanks for clarifying that for me...the next day will be Sunday right? Me: Yeah! Saturday is before Sunday. Goodbye! WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO SAY: Don't you own a clock? calendar? something that tells you what day it is? Well then write in on your forehead backwards and look in a mirror...that is if you can see through the cloud of stupid you've created. Have a great Saturday at 12:38am! Goodbye! Hello get a clue! Is it just me or does the planet contain a virus that infects people who call catalog phone numbers? It's like the lines at work have relocated to a new position and all calls that require a psychiatrist come directly to me!! Man what I would do for the money they make! Instead of the truth.com always advertising about smoking killing people they need to do some work on stupid people talking smarter people to death. Here is the ad logo: Everyday stupid are dialing. Its become a plague. Be afraid to answer your phone. That about covers it!! Stupid+phone=death!! I wish that the opening messages of all of our clients said: Thank you for calling ****** if you are stupid, hard of hearing, have a complaint, or are just calling in for no reason please press flash on your phone to be directed to the appropriate location. Where are they directed...yep you guessed it to the dial tone!! I bet that people would do it!! Well anywho I need to leave and take a bath/shower to perk up a little more to watch Gone With the Wind!! Until tomorrow!! Love, peace and hair grease!! Paul