God please tell me why...???

So I'm in training today...hello by the way, and this woman who's name I will not mention is wearing these shoes that are exposing all of her toes. Someone tells me to look at her feet. God please tell me why...??? Why did I look? Why? Why? My eyes began to water and bleed! Those was the most fucked up lookin feet I have ever seen in my life! I thought she was part chia pet or some shit that has a talon as toes! You know how some people can like bend the end of their finger and have the tip pointing down...well that is how her second toes were except for they resembled the length of fingers. I'm thinkin' what the hell did this woman eat to get some "jacked up mothafuckin' long ass crusty Dr. Scholl's won't evah help" toes! Her ass must have been eatin' some ghetto wheaties..."Needies" is what they was...cuz she need some help in the pedicure department. I wanted to point at her toes and just scream at them. I couldn't stop laughin' and she is tryin to talk and I'm just picturing attack of the killer toes. Some fucked up shit ain't it.

h2o...here we go!!!

So my friend Chrissy asks me to go this bar in Hagerstown Maryland...for karoke...I'm like okay. It was my first gay bar experience. My friend April came...I was so GLADD (no pun intended). We had a great time. My favorite scene from the night goes like this:

Seth(gay karoke singer on stage): If you give me money I'll git necked<----this is how he enunciated.
Some random gay man: Take it off baby...just take it off!
Some random lesbian: I'll give you money to keep you clothes on.
Some random gay man: Don't pay attention to her she's just a big ol' butch dyke!!

I thought I would die...but then I didn't! Obvious...huh?

Ergo, that was my first gay bar experience! Going to go again!! (*Note: I had to use the word ergo because it was used today in some latin sentence Cignito, ergo sum=I came "therefore" I am!) Always lovin' a big word in a little package...and that reminds me they had condom baskets at the bar! I got Chrissy a yellow one and April and I red ones! What a way to brighten up your day...a neon dick!!

Lata tayta!

Paul