Plagued by fucking lunatics

I've come to realize that the world is full of lunatics. People with double standards, hate, anger, cruelty. I'm starting to hate life more and more everyday. People say make the best of life. But what's there to make of it? Take it as a grain of salt. That's easier said than done. Sometimes I wonder what all this is for. Is there really something like a big prize when you make it through life or is it just one big cruel joke? Does anything even matter? Does death, murder, hate, obsession, love, passion really amount to anything besides an emotional struggle? It seems to me that the crueler someone is or the more shady a person is they get by better in life than those who choose to try to make life enjoyable. Why? Why is it that someone can rape, murder, be addicted to drugs and live a better life than someone who tries to live by some type of moral code? My mind is becoming increasingly harder and harder to control. It's almost like I'm not even me anymore. I feel like there is a void where my inner self used to be. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore. It's almost as if life is over for me when people tell me that it has just begun. The passion that I used to have for life is slowly evaporating. Simple things that I used to enjoy like reading, movies, and music have become so stagnent. It's like the same things are being repeated over and over again. What used to be new and fresh has become obtrusive and stark. Maybe I've lost touch with reality I don't know. I'd like to think that this will go away but I know that it will come back; it always does. Ever since I was a child I have lost myself inside myself. Maybe I just don't know who I really am. I've thought for a long time that I am just the image of everyone else around me. I mimic people. Without that I wouldn't be.

And to the person who is leaving the unappropriate comments....thanks. It's people like you that make life agony for so many other people. I think you need to look deep inside yourself and think of how you would feel if you were the one getting the nasty remarks. Whatever I may have done to you I'm not sorry for because you won't tell me who you are. So it's whatever. The comments I can get over I just hope that you enjoy the site and fess up to who you are.