50 years and counting

My grandparents 50th wedding anniversary party was today. It was so good to see them. However, I'm realized today that I will never be part of this family aside from me loving my grandparents unconditionally. I don't want to be part of this family aside from that. As presents were being given out and opened by my grandparents everyone started talking about "Josh" my Aunt's ex-boyfriends son who is gay. Well they couldn't just ask how he was doing since we haven't seen him in ages instead all you hear is "fag" and "faggot". And people start impersonating the stereotypical comedic gay male. I sat there wanting to cry because deep down I'm thinking and you all don't know at this moment that you are amongst that which you laugh at. I got up, got my phone, went to the car, called Cheri and April and cried. I don't want to be part of a family where even though I know my Aunt Ganda and Aunt Velma love me...that I will never be accepted in. I could never tell anyone else about this. It is my secret part of my life...it is me...and those who will never accept it will never know the real "Paul." But anyway, going to the movies. Here are two pictures I took of myself today because I was bored and tried to speak as little as possible to the family. Aunt G and Aunt V I love you with all my heart and this has nothing to do with you it is the rest of the fucking ignorant family. And last you will no longer see me at family functions. This is my last one for the sanity in me.

Everyone enjoy the picture. I hope I'm not frightening!! LOL



What is it with 3am blogging?

Just got home from Cheri's apartment. She is my angel. She makes me feel so much better when earlier I felt like a total outcast of society. I love my Cheri to death.

Talking to Ralphy right now. God how I have missed talking to him and he the same.

I feel better but I'm over the whole "being part of a family." I thinking of myself more as an "orphan" at this point.

Night everyone!!

P.S. Happy Birthday to Patrick ...the sexy comedian of my dreams!! LOL