1...2...3...and 4 why can't I fucking snore?

That is this morning's question. I went to bed at like 3am and have been up since 6:30am. Why damn it? Why me...Nancy Kerrigan? I feel the use of 28 cups of coffee should do me today...not do me but do me well in the waking process. I kept having muscle spasms in my side and my legs all night. I think about like every 20-25 minutes. They won't go away so now I'm up. They have ceased...of course...now that I've only had like a total at most with each waking up of 3 hrs of sleep. what the hell?

Last night I baked cookies with April and found out that men are like flowers according to her. I'm an exotic flower man...or just a bossy ass man bitch who is high maintenence. She told me I would be the one giving instructions in the household. Here was my example: "She bitch get in the damn kitchen and fix me somein' to eat! Now! I'm high maintenence and I'm famished so get to cookin." That sounds more Diva-licious to me. Hey I could live with being a Diva...as long as it can apply to men. April told me she is looking for a cactus...you only need to water them once a month at most and if you don't feel like watering them they'll survive.

So before I got to April's house it was raining and I'm all about the movie "Twister" for some strange reason. So I pretended that I was in the movie while driving. I started yelling "Look at all the rainbands this is going to be one big bessy....possibly an F4." Please tell me this is normal? Then I decided I was a goddess and changed the message on my phone to reflect the events that had just taken place in the car. (To me the God Paul doesn't sound as dramatic as the Goddess Paul). My message is something like...:"Hello you have reached the Goddess Paul I'm not available right now I'm hunting tornado's since I was thinking about the movie it's my new career...so I'll call you back if I survive the twistenator." I've really hit the jackpot on insanity with this stint. Call me crazy but that isn't your average message. Come on people have some creative minds when it comes to messages....step out of the "please leave me a message and I'll return your call" box. Head toward the light...Carrol Ann...because today is a new fucking day and it's bound to be fabulous.