30 Minutes

Mama, Papa
Forgive me

Out of sight
Out of mind
Out of time
To decide

Do we run?
Should I hide?
For the rest
Of my life

Can we fly?
Do I stay?
We could lose
We could fail

In the moment
It takes
To make plans
Or mistakes

30 minutes, a blink of an eye
30 minutes,to alter our lives
30 minutes,to make up my mind
30 minutes,to finally decide

30 minutes,to whisper your name
30 minutes,to shoulder the blame
30 minutes,of bliss, thirty lies
30 minutes,to finally decide

Carousels
In the sky
That we shape
With our eyes

Under shade
Silhouettes
Casting shade
Crying rain

Can we fly?
Do I stay?
We could lose
We could fail

Either way
Options change
Chances fail
Trains derail

30 minutes, a blink of an eye
30 minutes,to alter our lives
30 minutes,to make up my mind
30 minutes,to finally decide

30 minutes,to whisper your name
30 minutes,to shoulder the blame
30 minutes,of bliss, thirty lies
30 minutes,to finally decide

To decide
To decide, to decide, to decide

To decide
To decide, to decide, to decide

To decide

When I look at the world I see so much beauty and wonder where do I fit into all of this? Am I the square to the circle? Am I the piece of the puzzle that just doesn't fit? I want so much just to be happy. Have you ever thought of being happy so much that it drives you to the point of sadness? The type of sadness that you know may never leave? I'm just so fucking frustrated. There just isn't enough for me to classify myself as happy yet. Or am I happy and I just don't know it? And what exactly classifies one as being happy? You can cry and be happy, laugh and be sad or just be and that is all. I sound like a fucking depressed psycho but my mind just races with thoughts and questions. So many questions that will have to wait to be answered. So many questions that don't have answers. If you peeled away all that was me I think there would just be a void. It's my missing piece to the puzzle...it's my eternal longing to have and be had by someone. I appreciate everyone's advice so very much but I just need someone, a twin to talk to that understands my thoughts and how erratic they are. I find myself looking for answers within myself and sometimes I find them. I want to go back. Relive everything so that I understand myself more. If I would have just been myself these 23 years I think I would be a hell of a lot more mentally stable. But that can't be done and I'll have to grow. Come what may...hopefully it brings understanding.