So...umm...let us see. I had to give Prissy away tonight. It was a better thing for her to go with my friend Amanda where she could be around other dogs that wouldn't try to kill her. My dog Lucky would have no part of her. She tried to attack her every chance she got. It wasn't fair to keep her in separate rooms when all she wanted to do was play with a dog that just wouldn't let her. Aside from that the stress of raising her was too much. My parents were getting agitated and I could tell. It was wearing them out especially my mother. Aside from that I thought today about how I just can't see myself giving anything to this animal. My schedule doesn't allow me much time. I was so worn out from it all and it had only been a week. But I've realized that while I will miss coming home to her greeting me at the door that she is so better off with Amanda and Billy and Raina and Raimee (I hope I spelled his name right). But then on the way home from Amanda's I got to thinking which I always do.

If I can't give my love and attention fully to an animal what makes me think that I could in a relationship? Am I as greedy and self-absorbed as a lot of people tell me I am in their joking manner? Or am I just to independent and used to routine to settle down? I can go and come when I please and wether it be a dog or relationship can I actually tolerate having to be committed to something? Who the fuck knows. Maybe later down the road I'll figure this out. It just scares me that I can't even commit myself to raising a dog. Damn it...so I've fucked things up again as I always seem to do. Fuck.