So this will probably be the longest journal entry ever because I have so much to catch up on. So it is now like 11:02am and I have only had like 5 and 1/2 hrs. sleep but that's okay. So turkey day went okay. Well Christams is only like 11 days away and last night I was able to finish my Christmas shopping. I was like screw it Paul get this shit done and over with and stop worrying over money because you know that you have the money to spend. I have this problem where I am always worrying about money. Can't explain it or understand it but I know that it's there. Then I get over it somehow. But at least my Christmas shopping is finito! At least I hope so. I think I may have to pick up a couple odds and ends but that's expected. Anyway so I have this problem that I need to discuss before it eats my ear away. That's right you've guessed it by Sally Wow! I got my ear pierced. Not only this time but three other times and guess what I just happen to be allergic to metals. It doesn't matter what type of metal just any metal. I bet you that my broke ass could wear platnium. Yeah that's right broke ass boy sportin' a platnium chip! or the reverse side would be movin on up boy sportin' a tinfoil hoop in his ear! Cha..please! I wish my ear would get the fuck over it and except that damn metal. "Hello look at this as an award. You are the winner except your fucking metal." Ha..ha..ha that would be like the best handing over of the metal at the olympics speech! "Listen here Canada, France, and America I have your metal and you better fucking take them don't even try to reject them." How come I can wear jewerly but I can't actually wear jewerly? Question time: (Allahwischous Genie appears with the answer) Well Paul the answer to your question is simple. You just can't you asshole so stop trying to ruin your ear." Me: Oh that is so wise of you ass master allahwischous Genie. Moving on! So I made these gingerbread people, and no Constance they aren't black or brown they are the newest fad gingerpaper. I have Myrtle Garbagegab, Big Daddy Cane, and Margarita. Margarita is a bow legged underage hooker pregnant with twins gingerbread person. Big Daddy Cane is her pimp. And Myrtle is Big Daddy's wife. They are cute but I figured don't leave them exposed in the workspace Paul because someone might freak out and be like why did you create a image of me! Oh no..how did my secret get out that all this time I pretended to be a call center rep but I am truly a underage hooker from Taiwan transporting twins into America! Hello people it's the 2000's and they are just innocent gingerbread people dressing up for the holidays! I think that I may have terrets of the brain...little spastic thoughts that just come and onto the screen. Or maybe it's just me! Now let's move on to my last days of college for this semester. I have to say that I love you Professor Geffert because you are wonderful. Now let's move on to Professor Buffathis, Buttathis, Buttfuckathis....whatever his fucked up name is! He is such an asshole! He gave me a 65 on my term paper! Everyone who read it said that it was great and that they thought a B for sure! Well guess what people you hit the wrong buzzer at the wrong time! He said that I had very strong points but that he couldn't give me credit for them! What...what...what! Hello if they are there they need credit, money, foodstamps...something! Then my final exam. I think I did okay! He changed the format of his test again...big no no! He may have to be rounding grades this semester for the test again! I tell ya these professors at Shepherd are like "You don't need to wake up and smell the coffee because we'd rather you sleep all day and not wake up to come to class." type professors. They wear horrible clothes, hair pieces, jewerly, undergarments! Ha..ha..ha. I was only kidding about the jewerly. Actually their undergarments are sexy! That's what keeps Amanda and I going in Professor B's class...oops he doesn't wear any underwear! Bulge the deck matey! Gross...tuck your schlong back in place so that Amanda and I don't have to think about 50 year old penis wagging while you are lecturing! Laura if you read this it was wagging in your face the first day of class since you sat in the from row! You got all the action baby! Wiggle Wiggle Jiggle Jiggle! Well I have to keep the next part of my story on the DL yes the DL or LD which ever you prefer. So Naszilla has decided to try to take over the world right? Wrong Naszilla, Nostrildomis, Rosy Nosy just doesn't understand that it will not happen! Don't come into Paul's world and try to man the ship because I'm the captain and what I say goes! "Oh yes agree agree agree with me" shouts Naszilla. "No I will not you are evil and will be punished" I reply "Oh yeah take this." says Naszilla as it inhales through its nose and sucks me in through those ginormous passages until I faint from the shock of being stuck in a tunnel for days! If you know what I'm talking about keep it to yourself! You know that I'm right so let's stick together! And now moving on to more pressing news: M or Kake! This bitch did not go there! K as in Kake. Cake bitch cake! What the fuck(in the words of Monique from Queens of comedy)! Maybe when I found that piece of hair by the time clock it was the link to her brain actually functioning. Shit girl you betta get to the lost and found to get your cable connection back! If you tell a customer yes I have that as K as in Kake...first of all the words changes pronunciation now it is Kah Key! Not Cake! Sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you don't! Well let me know M when you don't and I'll send you a present! Lord help me for saying all this shit but damn sometimes it just needs to be recorded so when the human species is all gone and only animals or Tammy Faye Baker and Anna Nicole Smith are the only aliens left on the planet they too will be able to get a laugh from us! Keep it on the screen now from screen to mouth to everyone else! Remember this is here for my therapy and your entertainment! I'm always watching! Get the fuck out Paul you only got one real eyeball the other one is glass! I think that I want to invent a glass eyeball that is remote controlled! That would be off the chain, frame, lane! Imagine if it got some weird surge of energy and started to go crazy! Attack of the glass eyeball...when glass eyeballs attack....killer eyeballs from outerspace! I am too much...really...all joking aside! Not really but really anywho because I'm light headed and can't think of a damn thing! Or maybe it's just that I'm tired and need to go back to bed. I'm not sure! But whatever! So I think that I have just about wore myself out typing. Gotta go to the gingerbread person transporting in the cho! Later home fried tater! Paul