Questions

I often wonder why people can question God so much. Is it because they are born to be damned or just because they need answers. Tonight when I got home I found out the our closet family friend died of a heart attack at 54. He would be 55 next week. I looked at the autographed pictures of Lucy Ball and Desi Arnaz and I think why would God do this to such a kind person. My father's closest friend? Why? Why do you just take life from people that make a positive effect on the world and leave all the evil people to live long and wonderful lives that most of use can't imagine. Bob White was one of the kindest and most giving people I have ever met in my life. He told me personally that he would do anything for me if I ever needed anything. If you don't know him he had the Kennedy Collection auction at Christie's in New York about 5 yrs. ago. I feel so bad for Zack his son and his wife Jackie. I couldn't imagine. When I look at the pictures that he gave me because he knew I love "I Love Lucy" so much I can't help but cry because I want to just die inside for him having to be alone. He lost his mother not too long ago and now he has passed away. If there is a purpose or test to this life I just don't understand it. I'm not lashing out at God or saying that there is not a God I just am saying that shit needs to be carried out in a better manner when it comes to people dying. Make the ones who kill, murder, rape, and are just evil die sooner. Don't take away my father's closest friend and leave him to grieve like a child from which I'm sure he will never recover from this loss. If what I'm saying is blasphamis than so be it because I really don't give a flying fuck. All I know is that a person was lost tonight that was one of the people that I not only looked up to but thought of as an uncle. He was wonderful. Words can honestly not express how great of a person he was and how fascinating a person he was. If God left him on this earth for the 54 yrs just so that I would be able to know him than so be it. I just want to know why? I know that there is not an answer...that only God holds the true meaning for why he took Bob away. But it still hurts inside to know that there are so many evil people in this world that live long lives and have everything at their fingertips. I just hope that my father is able to cope with this and not die from losing what is his true "brother." It's a miracle that God let them meet but to take them away from each other at such an early time. I just want to scream. Death is never easy for anyone to handle and I wish that it could be but it happens everyday and life moves on. Such is life. I just know that I need to straighten my life out not only for myself but for the purpose of trying to have an effect on the world in a positive way.

For those of you who never met Bob I want to let you know that I wish you had the opportunity to meet him and this is dedicated to him tonight. I will miss you always Bob and I hope that you watch over my father because he has soooooooo much love for you that it is killing him right now to realize that he will never see you again for whatever reason. Please Bob if you know what is occuring right now please make your presence in Heaven have a positive effect on the world because to me everything just seems to go wrong at the wrong time.

Zack and Jackie my heart goes out to you tonight. I am there for you for anything even if it's just to dry your tears.

I love and will miss you always Bob. It's good to know that I have you looking over me now. I like to think that Aaliyah watches over me but now I know that I truly have an angel in Heaven.

Good night...and remember to love everyday and everyone that you hold close to your heart because in an instant they could be gone.

And good luck on the surgery Pappy (April's Grandfather) I hope to see you well and back at home with Granny.