Goodnight...

Yesterday I spent the whole day having dizzy spells. It sort of reminded me of when I was tripping on acid and laying in the bed with my eyes closed but I could still see the room spinning. Today they are a little better. Last night proved a no go to any club or anything. So it's strike two in the meeting Michael department. But I'm fine with that because of the dream I had last night. Now I usually don't remember dreams or the actual "picture" of the dream. I remember conversations and things that are spoken. I know this sounds weird but ever since I was in 7th grade when I had this dream that my friends Sandy and Mary died in a fire and the next day the announcement was made at school it had happened I really don't like to dream about people or dream at all. Amanda you know that nothing good comes from me dreaming of people in my dreams...remember the time we died in that car crash dream? Yeah...I'm a total catch for any of you single men or women out there!! Anyway aside from my weird psychic/psychotic ability the whole dream was the following:

The Picture part I remember:

Getting into a bottle of Percocet and having an endless supply. (This could reflect my old dependency on narcotics...or that I was feening last week).

The Spoken part I remember:

My mother voice kept on lecturing me on how I "needed a woman to make my life better". Then she states "You know I've come to realize something I don't care if you are sleeping with another guy because..." (note: something is seriously wrong with my brain) "...Paul's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and their like it's better than yours damn right it's better than yours."

I know that this dream really isn't that funny or anything...I think it borders on the lines of weird and disturbing...but I liked it. To hear my mother sing "Milkshake." That is priceless. Now if I could only get her to do this in real life.

I feel that it has been decades since I have spoken to Ralphy. I got on Yahoo messenger the other night and some guy left me a message "Okay let's see what you've got Paulie." I wonder who he was? But the real point of this is a memory I have to share.

So everyone knows that I'm very hmmm...how to put it...kinky/dirrty/naughty. I'm a closet freak. So when I was younger I would get online and go to the chatrooms. I had heard of cybersex and everything but never thought to try it until I was about 16. It was like 3am when I had finally settled on a guy to cyber with. I thought to myself how am I going to act like a seasoned pro when I have never done this before? I thought should I write like Danielle Steel or like a porn star? I voted for porn star. Well the whole "first cybersex experience" went okay. It surely didn't turn me on or anything I mean come on it's only words. Anyway, after that first experience I became an addict. I'm saying 6 or 8 people a night. I had people hunting me down when I would leave chatrooms. I became the cyberslut. I had several different users names. Some I used to cyber with men...some with women. One to just go online and talk. Anyway, after establishing my reputation as a good "cyber fuck" I started asking for pictures. Did I get them? Hell yeah. Summer had created a dummy email account where we would keep them. I wish I could remember the name and password. I had amassed a collection of about 650 pictures in the matter of six months. I was on top of my game. Summer and I would get online at the same time and do "cyber threesomes" with who ever. It was a game. See how many pictures and people you could "get off." Then it happened...some guy had to ruin it. I had cybered with him several times because I thought he could keep up and not just sit there and write "oh yeah" and "uhhh" he could actually add to the whole encounter. Anyway, he had somehow found out my name, address, and telephone number. I have no clue how but he did. He sent me an email saying he would be calling. So then and there the whole game stopped. I haven't cybered since I was about 17 or 18. He never called but I've never wanted to take the chance again. I mean it's pretty bad when you are so good at talking dirrty to people that they actually try to come in real contact with you...he was really good looking though...what was I thinking?

Today I may cyber...it's been so long I don't think I remember how to talk dirrty? Yeah right.