Size Matters

So on Thursday I went to the Caps v. Penns game with Desi, Rita, Jason(egghead), Kristen, Denise, Dave, Harry, Crystal, and Susie...there was ten of us all together. I want to write about this so I remember because I had fun. So anyway...we are on our way to Shady Grove...crusin along at a cool 85 mph. Kristen and I are managing to speed past each other a couple of times on the way there. So we make it there 45mins late and we are on the Metro!! Woohoo!! We get on a car by ourselves and Crystal wants to take a picture...cool idea...right? Yeah it was until this guy like jumps out and is all like "I'll take the picture for you..." Where the fuck did you come from? He was there all along. Any way...so we get to the game and go to our seats after riding what seemed to be the "escalator expedition." Four flights of escalators! So the end of the first thingy ends and I'm like I I have to take a piss. Well Kristen and I go to the bathrooms...her's is right outside the door. I'm like "DAMN IT" why does mine have to be on the other side of arena. So I walk like 50 arena blocks to the men's bathroom...wait 20 mins in line and then I get to my urinal and guess what...there is this big ass sign for Harley Davidson stating..."Size Matters." So not only do I have to wallk for two hours, wait for two hours, but I also have to have a sign judge the size of my dick. And to make matters worse after I'm feeling undershafted! No pun intended...actually yes there was I made this word up! I go back out to get a beer and a pizza and diagonally from the women's bathroom is the men's bathroom like 10 paces away from the section door! What the FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Agh! But it was all well worth it because if 8 inches isn't enough then the women is wore! Ha...ha...ah...ha!

I'm so wonderful I should be bread

I like that title here's the poem:

I'm so wonderful I should be bread,
So much wonderfullness in my head.

I'm so wonderful I should be famed,
Eight is the number don't be ashamed.

I'm so wonderful I should be rich,
Find me some sugar momma bitch.

I'm so wonderful I should be sexed,
But that life seems seriously hexed.

I'm so wonderful I should be thin,
Goodbye to my double chin.

I'm so wonderful I should be here,
Fat, broke and full o' cheer.

I'm so wonderful I should have a gal,
My eye is set on someone who's a pal.

I'm so wonderful I should hope for the best,
Holding this one will be a test.

I'm so wonderful Mrs. Looney tells me so,
And that is really nice to know.

I'm so wonderful and love all my friends,
Hope they feel the same to the very ends.

I'm so wonderful I know better than to be this vain,
So I'll put and end to this like a rock through a window pane.

That is wonderfully wonderous wonderful wonderfullier wonderously wonderfatty patty to the squirrel in the caddy! Anyway...gotta go dye my hair...It's way to gray for a person that is only 22! I'm starting to look like Pa Kettle! Good bye...good luck...get high..get fucked....! Paul