This I want to remember...my last email

Cheri,

Hmm. I'm wondering how to even start this but, it is already begun. I know it is not your fault that I fell. Some things just can't be controlled. It is like telling the apple not to fall from the tree. You can't stop it from happening. But, do you honestly know how much I was in love with you? Of course you don't because I knew it could never be returned. For whatever reason that changed your mind it doesn't matter. I offered you time but I knew that it would end up this way. That you didn't think of it in terms as I had. You said once that you would never lie to me. That you would never say something that you didn't mean. For some reason I doubt that. I doubt a lot of things now. I'll never truly know if the things we have talked about were sincere. You can always say they were but something just tells me that they weren't. I just don't think you know what you want. I don't know if you ever will. I would have given you the world if you would have asked. Anything for my Cheri. The one who made me for once feel like I was wanted. The one who made me for once feel like I felt when I loved before. When I told you today that the wall is built around my heart again it wasn't to make you upset or mad. It has been done once. It came down for you but I assure you that it is there again. It will never love again. Everytime I give my love to someone this is what happens and I'm just not willing to risk it again. I am used to being alone and that is the way it will be from now on. I have managed to neglect friendships and other relationships. I will depend on me. No one else. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I loved having you in my life for the period of time that I did but, like you said people are meant to have that time and that is all. So tell Michael I'll miss his sense of humor and going out with him on the weekends. Tell Missy I say hello. Tell yourself to move on and and forget about me as does everyone else I've ever given my heart to. Tell yourself that I'll love you no matter what but that it just isn't the same and having you in my life is a chapter that has ended when I shed my first tear for you today. Tell yourself whatever it is that makes you feel better so that I know my heart is the only one hurting because hurting you is the last thing I would ever want to do. Tell yourself that I loved you and while I can't forget about you I can have just that your memory and that Cheri is all I want.

Love you,

Paul