Paulkeelah and the Bee

Now do not get me wrong I think that bees have a place in our community. They do all the busy work and make sure that the world is pollinated and what not. And to that I am very much obliged. However, when they invade Paul's space it is unacceptable. Reason one being that I am allergic to them. Reason two being that I am afeared of them. And when I mean afeared I mean I scream like a little pansy and go into cardiac arrest when they get near me. My face goes all ugly from the afearedness of these insects and my body just does what it can to get away from them as fast as possible. What really happens is me looking like a god awful Drag-beast who is performing for the first time in her new eight inch stilettos. It is just not a pretty site. So why am I babbling about bees? I go onto the porch that is off of my bedroom yesterday. The porch is screen in and on the third floor of the house. I light a cigarette and start to enjoy it when out of the corner of my eye I spot a ginormous wasp. To me any bee is big but this demon was ginormous. I am like "Just remain calm Paul. Bee's can sense fear in a person and you need to show the winged demon that you are not afeared and it will not bother you." Well I was totally wrong. The overly large winged demon wasp was not in the best of moods being trapped in a screened in porch so any attempts to rationalize the situation were ill fated. This bitch takes off like the bullet from a .357 magnum and comes towards me. Luckily, I had picked up the broom as protection just in case. Hey a girl never knows these days. And I managed to swat the demon. Like the little pansy I am I put the cigarette out and hurried back into the house. All is good.

Until my dumb ass goes back out on the porch later that evening and the winged demon has plotted. And plotted good. Nestled up in the corner I see the evil winged plotter troublemaker and she is ready for action. She literally pulls back like a bull going for the red. At this point I am like "Did I smoke something I should not have earlier?" Never in my life have I seen a wasp/bee/insect rear back like it was on a mission. Well her royal highness is still out on the porch. I am hoping dead due to last nights storms but I seriously doubt it. And I will not be on that porch until further notice.

My mother told me to spray her with Windex but I have this fear that the winged demon would seriously grab the bottle from me and drench me in Windex and then sting me several times just for the pure satisfaction.