A Stranger's LoveI went to lunch today with my mother because I had a doctor's appointment by her work. We went to Bob Evans for a Cobb salad. While we were there I decided to check my email...you know by using my phone. I received the following email today:
Dear Paul,
It's a sad time for me but I've put off doing this for long enough. I've sent a blanket note to all of OJ's other correspondents but he meant for yours to be more personal. OJ recently passed away after a thankfully short illness. I'm sorry....I don't know how to soften this by email.
I see that there's no email from you in the inbox so I'm assuming that OJ owed you one. I'm sorry if you felt that he was ignoring you. Nothing could be farther from the truth. He felt a kinship with you and I know for sure that he cared for you and worried about you even though you never met. He shared with me that it pained him to see you go through some of the things that he went through as a young man. OJ's life was remarkable in that he was able to overcome a lot of crap and he emerged a very strong yet gentle man. I don't know how much he shared with you but he grew up with mean and miserable parents who obviously didn't want or like children, and a twin brother (who he adored) who was taken from him early in life. Along with his feelings for his parents he struggled with his physical appearence (he has always been a bit overweight) and his sexuality and his spirituality. The last struggle with spirituality, I believe, was resolved not long before his diagnosis of liver cancer. That helped him get through the last battle and it will help me through my grief knowing that I will be reunited with him again in heaven.
OJ always believed that there was a God, or higher power, but he was often angry with God for some of the things that he had to go through. There came a point when he realized that some of the bad things that happened to him helped to shape ther person that he had become as a man. There was also a point when he felt that something was missing from his life - spiritually that is. I also did some searching in order to fill a spiritual void and I eventually became a Christian. OJ wavered back and forth - not really knowing what to believe - until he felt an "enlightening" that I know was the Holy Spirit opening his eyes. In the end he let Christ into his heart and he professed his belief that Christ died for his sins - and the sins of the whole world. A free gift. No matter what he ever did bad in his life. Forgiven just like that. It gave him great peace and he said that it felt like a huge weight was lifted from him.
Not long afterwards OJ was diagnosed with liver cancer. It had advanced to a stage where it was inoperable and incurable without him knowing it. He was so preoccupied with my health struggles at that time that he didn't focus on his own feelings - he felt uncomfortable - kind of like the way you feel when you've had too much to eat - and he had only minor pain up until that time. He did live long enough to know that I was going to be OK and that made him happy. He also had time to tie up some loose ends and make sure that my daughter and I would be well cared for.
Though we miss him terribly and we feel such an emptiness in our lives, we have some beautiful memories of our life together, short as it was. We are also glad that he didn't suffer long. One of his greatest fears was that he would die a painful and lingering death as he had seen some of his friends do. He prayed that he would die quickly and painlessly - like in his sleep or in an accident. Just when it looked like that was not to be he was taken from us suddenly one evening. He had a massive heart attack that spared him all of the the pain that he was facing. He had enough time to take care of things and say farewells to his closest friends - and he had many. He died quietly in his room with the voices and laughter of his friends and family in the house. God in his wisdom took care of him in every way. While I am thankful for that I would want him back - even for another day or an hour. My heart aches for him so. I am certain that God will also take care of us in our sorrow.
I apologize if this is more info than you wanted to hear. Sometimes I don't know what to say but lately I just seem to pour out my thoughts and feelings. I am usually a very private person but OJ trusted you so I feel that I can share these things with you. Sorry if it's too much blathering.
Did you know OJ's real name? It was Orwell. He always thought it was just another mean gift from his parents but I liked it. He was a unique and special individual who deserved to have a unique identity. For awhile he went by his middle name - John - but he could see that that was too ordinary for someone like him so he settled on OJ. (That was before OJ Simpson became famous and then infamous!!!)
Anyway, I promised OJ that I would write to you if he didn't have a chance to. And I think he had a feeling that he wouldn't be able to do it - the treatments left him so weak that he spent much time sleeping or resting. He also asked me to look in on you once in awhile and encourage you so I'll put your blog page in my favorites list. I plan to check OJ's mail for awhile too if you want to write.
Thanks for being a friend to OJ. I know that he valued all of his friendships dearly so I am thankful for you and for what you added to his life.
Blessings & Peace to you,
Clare
I began to cry at the restaurant table in front of my mother and every other person in the building. I was devistated. Actually, devistated cannot even begin to describe the emotion pouring from my eyes.
OJ began emailing me after he began to read my journal. And, from that came a friendship. I spent the day trying to cope with the news of OJ's passing and somehow I cannot believe it is real. I have read the above email over and over each time the words pierce my heart. I never thought that I would care for someone I had never met and will never get the chance to meet here on Earth but, I was proven wrong today. OJ, the stranger if you will had given me such an enormous gift. The gift of knowledge, advice, a mentor, the feeling that someone out there loves me. Not the kind of love you get from family but the kind of love that cannot be described it is just a feeling. A feeling of the tattered pieces that are being placed back together. However, like I told Clare (OJ's wife) I think that OJ not only gave me this gift while he was here but he is giving me a larger and more incredible gift that I am starting to grow from already.
I will miss you OJ. I will miss the butterflies in my stomach as I read the emails you took the time to write. I will miss the love and happiness that you brought to me. Even if it was only through the internet. I hope that I will make you proud now that you are watching over me.
Rest in peace my friend. I love you.
Paul
