Hello my peeps! What's up, down, or all around? It has been a pretty good weekend. Desi is now back with me full time...thanks be to God! I really enjoy working with her because it makes the time not drag by so slow. She is lookin good too...her hair is faboo! I'm glad that her surgery turned out good...hopefully she will be set for life. Anywho April and I went to the kingdom of Wally World last night. I did some Christmas shopping and got five people done. I spent like 350 dollars on just five people but hey it's Christmas. I just love Christmas...don't you? You get that feeling of like everything is peaceful or something. I really don't know what I want for Christmas. Either a plane ticket to see Erin in Tacoma or a plane ticket to see my friend Tina in Florida. (If you read this Erin I really think Tina needs to see some of her friends right now...no offense.) Tina is doing really good her voice is getting back to the bubbly side of her personality. I hope that she is mentally being strong for the sake of herself and her friends. She yelled at me though on Saturday at work for not emailing her yet...as if! Tina you know I've been really busy girl! You went to college and worked at the same time. I thought you would wind up insane. But you haven't so far. Desi just popped in with my rootbeer. I really don't like rootbeer that much but I've been wanting it lately. Desi was telling me about this website tonight called s**tlovers.com where people are obsessed with you guessed it...poo! How nasty is that? I don't even want to know...moving on...! I really don't have much else to add tonight except that I once again am tired. So I'll catch ya'll later! Boo to the people obsessed with poo! Paul

Tired! That is all that I am. I am so tired I can see the sheep counting to me. I need some really strong coffee or again the jet fuel! Woohoo! I have a shout out today...to you Constance...fuzzy wuzzy was a bear fuzzy wuzzy had no hair fuzzy wuzzy wasn't fuzzy now wuz he? Ha..ha..ha! Check me later for somemore entries from the "Tired but still insane journal." PaulZZzzZZzz

Hello my people! Haven't gotten my exam back in English yet..can't imagine what the grade is. Don't have much time to write. Lights went out all over town tonight! It was a blast! Sat at Denny's for a while with April in the dark with nothing to do. But whatever! Hope everyone is doing okay and is in good health.
Bye bye munchichi's! Paul

I am Willy Wonka! No kidding! All BS'ing aside! I have discovered how to make the fizzy lifting drink in the movie! You need two pixie sticks and a code red mountain dew. Mix the two together and bam! (Emeril in the house) You have yourself a fizzy lifting drink! or you wind up with an explosion the size of Mt. Saint Helen!! Try it...it is fabulous! Just thought I would pass that info along! Later tater! Paul

So I've decided that I want to be a DJ Poet if my stint as a lawyer doesn't work out. Here is today's Improv Poetry:

Ode to my Munchichi

Oh I love you munchichi
You know you are soft and cuddly

You look like a rat that's on crack
In the 80's you were a mack

Brown, white, pink, and blue
Funky colors get a clue

Fuzzy and chunky
You resembled a monkey

Angel loves you so much
Why don't the two of you do lunch

I'd beat you with a wire hanger
Stuff you in my jeep wrangler

You tried to bite me what's up that?
Almost made me have a heart attack

You may go bald one of these's days
Get your weave a Mr. Rays

You are a little fat
Use slim fast to rid of that

You, Angel and me
Should get together and get some tea

Don't try to beat us it will be a miss
Soft and cuddly with a twis'

We would surely have a ball
Come on and give us a call

We will welcome you with open arm
Try to bite us we will seek harm

We love you oh yes we do
Try to bite us will we sue

I am a lawyer yes I am
I could turn you into spam

Sound off one two three four
Always will an open door

Hello my people! How are you all doing? Hopefully everyone is safe and sound. So last night was an experience. April, Paul, and I (Paul II) went to Denny's to see Paul's man and then we went to Wally World to take pictures. It was a blast! Woohoo! I wanted to play product patrol but didn't have time. If you don't know what product patrol is it is when you put random items in other shopper's carts...like condoms...ky jelly...panty hose! It is faboo! I have a test in English to study for and it is being the big pain in the butt! I hope I do alright I want a B on the test but who knows! I am in one of those moods where I can't think of anything really funny. What is up with that? Hello I am the King of Comedy...yes the original King of Comedy! Congrats go out to Daria in Orange...her daughter had a baby...Cloe Gabriel weighing in at 7lbs. 10ounces! Go Daria! Anyway if I think of anything that will make me the King of Comedy for the night I'll add somemore! Asta lawaygo to the cho cho! Paul

I have another improv poem for you today...this is dedicated to Erin.

Ode to Icky Bug

You are so ugly and funky
Your body seems kind of chunky.

You have way to many legs that wave
Thank God you don't have to shave.

You scared the living shit out of me and Erin
I need a pet to eat you say a heron.

You are the fastest bug I've seen
I kill you with some oxy-clean.

Maybe you just lived with that lesbian
You should go away back to plant Respian.

Why did you have to migrate icky bug
Why do I have to kill you with a slug?

You are the debil that is true
You should be locked up in the zoo.

But fond memories Erin and I will share
Of the day we met icky bug on the stair.

Ta Da! Love ya Erin

So guess what? Well guess? Hello take an effin guess? Anyway I got a 99% on my law exam! I am the top notch b'otch! So anyway I get a letter saying that I am past due on a medical bill. Whatever I pay my bills. I had to not go to school to take care of this. But I overslept to until like 2pm. They are greedy evil troll whores who work at the hospital. Now I am on a payment plan and have to pay interest to the billing trolls they use at the hospital because they are too cheap to send out a bill each month at the hospital. I have to pay some company that is somehow crackwhore troll related MCS...they are a third party billing company. How come they get to get monies and aren't even involved. I didn't agree to be paying another company for my surgery. Show me the monies. Shit...I'll send my own self a bill for 1.5% interest a month. But get over it Paul it must be paid. Sick em'...sick em'...sick em' and kill em' Joan Crawford.....beat them with wire money...never with wire money. I want to write you a po em' about Joan. I will improv.

Wire Hangers are the bomb

Joan Joan you were the best
You could beat with a hanger and past the test.

Never with a wire hanger is all I remember
Like a winter memory in December.

Comet Cleanser was your fav
Wire dancer at a rav.

Bondage baby was your thing
Tying people up with string.

Though crazy you had been
Wire hangers were your sin.

Tried to blame it on the maid
You seriously needed to be laid.

Anger anger is all we saw
Hoping you would get lock jaw.

Everyday a little sicker
You really needed a coochie licker.

Frustrated with the idea of sex
Caused this wire hanger hex.

You should have gotten it on much sooner
Did it to you reached the lunar.

Then all would have been good
No wire hangers just fire wood.

A little to late is all there is to say
Wire hangers are a hell to pay.

Don't come back to visit that's too much
Bomb wire hanger woman go to lunch.

Ta da! I think it is faboo! Well later to Joan and K.C. and the Sunshine jelly! Bye bye homefry! Paul

So today Amanda and I go to class and of course it is extra credit day so we had to write a poem in the style of Walt Whittman that was a catagorizing poem. Like catagorizing people, jobs, flowers...you get the picture. Amanda did different types of alcohol...I did sexual positions! I'm sure to get an A from Professor Sexy Poetry. Here is my poem

Their Positions

The woman arches her back like a bridge,
The man's arms reach to be her support,
The two come together on bent knee.

He is able to observe her body like a long road,
She is blinded facing away from the eyes,
The mounds are split from behind with a shovel.

She is out stretched but upside down,
His hands surround her protecting her crown,
He one way and she the other,
F&*%ing each other without a cover.

She switches the gear with a thrust,
He remains calm looking up to her bust,
She is in control to her he must trust.

He pumps and thrusts as on a mission,
This is not her favorite position,
To be folded like a pretzel is her condition.

He sat still upon the leather,
Her tongue she used as a feather,
A brewing load forecasted the weather.

Her mouth was slowly spread,
His tongue awaiting to tread,
Upon her newly shaven bed.

She held her two curves together,
He felt the warmth of a sweater,
No other mounds could have been done better.

His digits slipped below the belt,
A rush of moisture is all she felt,
One plus two they began to melt.

Which one to choose was the decision,
To determine their position.

Well I know that it is really naughty but Amanda and I think that it is a pretty cool poem. Let me know what you think! Later in latex! Paul

Well I am officially the King of the Call Center ACD'ege! I was able to bring a 57 service level up to an 80 service level by the end of the night! Go white boy...go white boy...go! I had a very stressful day at work yesterday though. I thought I would have to quit! Naw..just kiddin! Well I don't have much to add because I really can't think of anything funny right now! Chat with you later goin to eat a tater or tamater! Paul

Munchichi...munchichi...so soft and cuddly! There's a thought! If anyone ever reads my journal could you please leave commments if you know who H.R. Puffinstuff is. Please I know I'm not the only one out there. I am under tooooooooooooooooooooooooo much stress!!!!!! No wonder I went and dyed my hair red so people wouldn't recognize me! So for Halloween at work we are having a "Ms. West Virginia Pageant" and guess what I am the reigning queen! I don't want to do it but for shiznets and giggles I'll do it to make people laugh! I was Cher two years ago! I want a ball gown! Samantha you better work girl! Find me a ball gown! One that is pretty no doubt. Well gotta go to the sto' to look for a po' little toe! I know it doesn't make sense but who cares! Paul

Well it has been quite sometime that I have written. I have been really busy. Work..work...work...college...college...college! I got my hair dyed though. It is now black with red highlights. Can you say hello to Mr. Fire Engine Red? I went shopping with Constance is the local late breaking news!! I had so much fun spoiling myself with whatever I wanted. I need to do that more often just to make sure that I remember what it is like to be spoiled. I bought tons of clothes! From old navy, to southpole, to sean jean! It was FAABOO! Woohoo! The best thing that I bought though was my Aaliyah Calendar!! It is fabulous! My favorite picture is my birthday month of June. I love that! It is the bestest of ever if there was ever the bestest of ever for a calendar! I haven't gotten my exam back in law class even though I know that I was the bomb diggidty on the test. Work has been the biz'otch. Desi has returned and I am so siked! I actually have someone to help take care of the stress that I've had doing everything by myself. I am so greatful that she is back because it will make the weekends more enjoyable! I went out last night to Sarah P's house! Can I get a whoa now! I had a blast! Hiccup...hiccup! I am sure that you will get what I am saying if you were there! T or D? Caroline, Constance, Sarah? Which one will it be? You know that I am the bomb at getting people to use their passes! I am the champion! I have to admit something though. I really enjoyed the ear fondling. More than I thought I would. You...and if you can remember who you is get an A+ in the ear fondling department. Well I have to go because I am on a time limit! Talk to you later when I actually have time to talk. Bye bye to my girls that are fly fly! Paul

Guess what my people? I aced that effin exam. Excuse the french but I am so beyond proud. I think I got at least a 95%! Go smart tubby boy! You da bomb boy! I sound so vain! Maybe that's because I am. Vanity is a privilege that has to be mastered. You have to have a reason to be vain and I do. I love myself is the reasoning behind that! Case in point....me+perfection=vanity! I am so not perfect but I'm the closest thing that there is. Ha...ha...ha!! Well work has been the b'otch of the week besides have to learn 140 law terms and the civil litigations process. The weekend would have been fabulous but guess what the god of "putsalotofpressure" came to visit and man he was not in good mood. He is such a ass master as Erin would put it. Not God but the ficticious god. "I felt impotent and out of control which I really hate" from Clueless the movie! That was the quote for the weekend. I had a panic attack three days in a row! Can you say "Calm down Paul it will be okay.?" Okay this ass master and do the exam studying for me and have the service levels where they need to be! Poof your wish has been granted. Wouldn't that be wonderful and while your at it ass master genie please but my $472.52 jeep payment on tab and you pay the bill! I wish I was Alladin except I would not go for Jasmine because she would cause me to waste my wishes on getting her. Get over it Alladin once you have everything that you want all the women will come flocking to you. Can I get Keeva to magically appear and say "You's a golddigger!" Keeva is my ghetto queen. She is not really from the ghetto but she keeps the piece of ghetto she has in me that I have had since I lived in Baltimore. Shout out to Keeva!!! A bowl and a margarita is all I have to say...and 8 bags girl 8 bags of hair! Remember to tell the person when you get your hair did that it is 8 bags not five. She really messed you up last time! Evil whore! What do beauticians think that they can just weave someone's hair into looking bad and get away with it? Listen here Wild Weaver Woman you's need to but somemore up in my head. Lookin all gappy and shiznet! Keeva I luv you! They need to come out with a new series on t.v. "When weavers go wrong" Cause some of these white women be gettin some messed up junks in there heads! You are white you have enough hair! And to my black queens who I love to death keep it real girl. If he can't appreciate what you got he tryin to make up for somethin he ain't got! The more he wants from you the more he is lacking! I appreciate that you look good with the weaves and all but keep it real beauty comes and all shapes and sizes! And even though sometimes you are blinded and thinkin "damn" they need to go hide in a cave they still have an aspect that is beautiful on the inside! To all my beautiful women black, white, puertican, jamacian, japanese, spanish, french, germany....and all other countries keep it real! Fake titties ain't gonna get you nothin but a fat ass when they saline leaks and falls straight to your ass. Fake hair may look good but it will end up given you some funky itch that won't go away. Fake lips will only lead to not being able to talk or eat because they usually look like two pigs tryin to escape the blanket from a pig in the blanket. Lypo suction is just plain funky...it will all come back and with avengence! Well gotta go get my girl Constance to have an escapade! See ya to a diva named Nekeeva! (That's Keeva's real name)! Paul

Okay so I only have like five minutes to write but I think that that is better than nothing. Today is the big test day Constance. I appreciate you helping me with my studying! I'm gonna kick some big flubbery ass on this test or kick my big flubbery ass if I don't do good. I haven't been writing because I have been really busy studying and working! By the time I get home it has been like 1:30am in the mornin'! My uncle is staying with us permanetly now so I can't really access the computer. I'm seriously thinking about moving it to my room! After all the tower is on my credit card!! All $1100.00 just for the friggin tower! Any ways! I am really nervous and did not sleep good last night! I kept on trying to run through all these legal terms in my head to make sure I know what I'm talking about! It was like a nightmare of being stuck in Law and Order!!! Dun..dun.dun! You know that little thingy Tricia! Well I actually thought of it last night! For all of you who don't know and probably don't care I am a Political Science major with a minor in Graphic Design! Woohoo! Sounds real fun until I actually go to class! Moving on I have to go get a shower and smell so fresh and so clean clean! Cause ain't nobody dope as me...I'm just so versatile...so fresh and so clean clean! Damn I think I'm so sexy! I just so versatile! He...he! Adios pacaco! Until later today after the exam! Paul

So...I really have to get ready for work but I figured since I didn't write last night I would hurry up and do it now...not that you all aren't important or anything but I had to make a flower arrangement for Ms. Pat so I got up at 12 and didn't go to bed until 6AM...I'm lacking in the sleep department. The flower arrangement turned out really pretty my mother told me she was going to take it hostage. I told her that Ms. Pat could probably kick her booty. I swear I just want a vacation. I am supposed to go to Washington state this December to visit my friend Erin but I have to find out if I can get off...work that is.!!! Dirty dirty dirty! You all need to get some febreeze to spray in your heads. Lord it is hard to talk to someone on yahoo instant message and write in the journal. I'll come back tonight I have a story about the twilight phone but don't have enough time to type all of it out! I will leave you with Munchichi Munchichi so soft and cuddlely! Later Terminator! Paul

So I am retarded...right? I went to post what was supposed to be my last entry for the night and hit sign-out! Friggin tard'! Get a grip Paul! Anyway I said yes past tense I said that I was glad my friend Desi is coming back to work! I miss her greatly. She reminded me of the bumble bee tuna song! I totally just downloaded it! I went to Ruby Tuesdays tonight! I am too full! Shout out again to fat boy for waiting to eat all day! I am the friggin bomb! My cell phone now says What up fat boy? when I turn it on! How wonderful is that! Fat people have more self esteem than Joan Rivers has face lifts. She looks like she has 4 a day! She looks like a pair of spandex booty shorts on a 1000lb gorilla! Her shiznet is stretched! But I still love you darling! Hold up...stop...now wait a minute...I feel like dancing! But anywho I have to go burn some cds.
Al v ter zane on the window pane! Hello I'm not German! Paul

Hello. So my dad tells me that there is this guy that is riding around D.C. shooting people with a deer rifle! What is his damage? Get on prozac mister or some drug that you could potentially overdose on. Why are people so evil? Get a grip on reality and kill yourself Mr. DeerRifleSharpShooterMan. I don't mean to make fun of the situation but my lord people have gone insane. I know that my journal is called insane and my stories are like out there but damn I don't go around hunting people. Sometimes I wish the world would come to an end because of all the bad things tht happen to people. I've accepted that I can't not have the world end when it happens. I can't be like "Hey God could you please hold off for like 60 more years." That is not gonna happen. When he is ready I've decided to be ready. Get over yourself if you think you can change some like apocolypse. It's like with Buffy the Vampire Slayer (which I love) she is able to stop the world from ending. In this day and age who would want to do that. Okay on the news all they are talking about is the tropical storm. Eff that! Talk about the man that is shooting I want to know that he is not around where I live. That sounds really greedy but I want an update. I need to know he is still around Montgomery County and that he is not near my mom's work. I was supposed to do a speech today in law class....guess what? It didn't happen. The people in this class like totally went off on the issue of "Is Thermal Imaging a violation of our fourth amendment guaranty?" I mean these people were like evil to the 100th cubed divided multiplied added subtracted square root of evilness. I was so prepared to do my speech to! I am bitter. Bitter...bitter..bitter! Have a cookie Paul is what I'm telling myself. It will subside the bitterness with some sweetness. Hey fat people are more rational relating to food. It's comfort. Like "comfortable." Remember eatable well we now have comfortable...it combines comfort and table...it has to be good. Can a fat boy get a little crack! That's how they could cure obesity with crack. Get all the overweight people of America hooked on crack and they will be thin in no time. Then you go to rehab and bam you've had a hell of a time being high and now you are thin and can become fat again to go through the whole cycle again. How nifty thrifty is that? Probably not that good but it's a thought. I am on a roll today. The twilight phone has not come back to haunt me yet...I was ACD last night at work which doesn't require getting on the phones unless we are desperate. I have to go to work to drop a cd to Susan. I could collapse from exhaustion...I've had little sleep and no food today. Shout out to fat boy...he hasn't eaten yet! Let me tell you something I have to tell you about my English Professor and then I will stop writing. This entry should be interesting and probably long because I am manic as Amanda has said. So my professor is like the clone of Bill Saget or Ben Stein. He is like obsessed with sex. He loves literature that deals with sex. Amanda and I have discovered that he is a pimp. He wears like these shirts from the seventies with the collar open with the chest hair hanging out. He doesn't wear underwear...Amanda and I noticed this. I said do you see what I see and she said I was about to tell you. Don't ask me how we noticed but we did. He loves to bore us to death...picture the Ben Stein commerical "Do you have dry eyes?" He talks just like that except when it comes to sex poetry or how he says "sexy poetry." He has passion for sexy poems and the cuss words that are in there. He needs to be evaluated by the FBI because I think he is an illegal clone. He is like Species the movie trying to find an appropriate mate to have a species baby. Amanda I think he has his eye on you! Whatever he is weird and needs to be arrested by the fashion police. You get a ticket Professor B! Anyway I have to go listen to the news to like find out about what is going on that is usually the subject of the news but anyway I over analyze everything. Goodbye! I have to listen to Blanca Overfew...what kind of name is that! Toodles to Poodles who eat Oodles of Noodles and draw Doodles (not intended to be preverted just supposed to be a sketch)! You all have dirty minds. Bye bye homefry! Paul

Hello again! I am like really tired and about to pass out. I need some speed or some form of jet fuel that is safe to take by a human. Whatever. Have you ever wondered why when someone yawns that if another person sees them yawn they have to yawn too? What's up with that? Maybe I should call Madame Cleo and she can tell me before I actually ask her. But if she knows I thinking of calling her why doesn't she call me first? Hello my phone number is listed! Get off the crack Cleo I know you know that I know you know my phone number. If you're psyhic prove it. Call me now for you're free reading! What the hell is she going to be reading Time magazine or People! Maybe she should read the BBB handbook or the "Guide to being a psyhic with a really phony accent." Anyway this is in no way shape or form intended to be mean. It is just the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Later Alligator! Paul

You better recognize! What? Hello everyone! Just woke up from a wonderful nights sleep! But the downfall is that I have to go to work! Why...why me...why me? It's totally not fair! Can't I just find some rich sugar mama to like sweep me off my feet and give me everything that I have ever wanted. She could be like 75 yrs. old it doesn't matter she would be gone in a few years. I'd even take wire hanger woman. As long as she promised not to beat me with them. But she's long gone. Anyway let me rephrase what I said last night we did not expect to look at naked people it just ended up that way. Amanda and I get these weird ideas and they usually turn out for the worst. Like when we said we were going to the race track to have one drink and got so drunk we couldn't remember getting home. Hello! Can you say hey you have a problem. We don't drink that often but when we do lord help us! I actually got Amanda to take a shot of wild turkey. She said it wasn't that bad. But hey after like four drinks who knows what's good or bad. Tomorrow I have to give a speech in law class. Amanda is supposed to sit in on the class. I don't want to. It seems like everytime someone gets up to give a speech that all the other people start yelling at the speech person! I will tell them all to eff off if they don't like what I have to say! Poof be gone evil law people classmates! Niceness is a necessity that they lack. I think most of the people were birthed in caves at least two look like they walked out of the movie "Clan of the Cave Bears" Anywho gotta go get ready for work. Later Masturcator!! Paul

Hello once again! I finally got over my migrane. Guess what? I actually talked in class toda which I never do! I answered two questions! Yeah for me! Amanda and I went shopping today and it was my lucky day...Calvin Klein underwear on sale 25% off. Can I get a hell yeah! Makes a difference when they are $20 a pair. Amanda and I were naughty today. We bought Playboy for me and Playgirl for her! We were in an odd mood. Sort of that George Michael song I want your sex. But all we wanted to do was talk about it and look at naked people! That is so perverted! Anyway let me just say Hunkco to Amanda! We are scarred for life! Buy the new Playboy it has Kristy Swanson...not the swanson dinners...featured...she is hot! Two snaps and a pinch on the boob for that layout! Well gotta go watch Scorpion King! Later will write tomorrow!