Reverse Now Back Back Back It Up

So I have connections. Not the type of connections I used to have whenever I needed a fix but, the beneficial connections. I had an overdraft fee on my checking account which I did not feel I deserved. So, I called my friend who works for the bank that I deal with and told her that I needed the overdraft charge taken off. And wahlah so it is done. Now I have enough money to put gas in my car and eat for the next week. The charge has been reversed in my favor and I must say that I am extremely happy about it.

I am in charge of getting our new shop organized. People feel that I am an organization queen because I stay organized and because I am a Queen. When you put the pieces together you get Organization Queen. I have devised a full proof plan. It has been drafted with drawings and a customized list of where each piece of material should be placed. And wouldn't you know it the shop workers have found a way to not follow it. It is in plain English. Upfront and with no flaws. I have to wonder if I am dealing with complete idiots. Granted there is a language barrier because our shop workers speak primarily in Spanish however, it has been translated for them and discussed with them by the shop manager IN SPANISH. So, thinking that I am in the clear with this plan is not an option at this point. I will have to go over there and become Organization Professor and teach these people how to follow directions. Why can't thing just go right for once?

Off I go to get these bastards on the right track.

P.S. I am going to see Underworld Evolution tonight. I will let you know how it is. Any movie that deals with hot vampires dressed in vinyl corsets and a hybrid vampire/lycan is bound to be tasty.

P.S.S. I really need to discuss "shitting" in my next entry.

It's A Little Bit Funny

On my way to work today I was thinking about how I acted when I was on "the drugs" as my mother likes to refer to them as. I realize now how much I neglected to write in my journal. I would say that I would make an honest attempt to post often but never followed through with it. Now I am back to the "clean" me and I am in the routine that I post every morning if possible. I look forward to posting again even though no one reads my journal with the exception of a few people.

Last night I was thinking too. I was thinking if I could only write like Paul from No Milk. The way that he writes draws the reader in. I used to be able to write so much better but I feel that my writing style is that of a valley girl or a very unorganized person. I stop and wonder if Paul drafts out his posts or does it just come naturally? I think I may start drafting out my post so that I can have a more distinctive way of writing that is more cohesive, entertaining, and just simply better.

And yeah, I am still really broke. I am trying to get an overdraft fee on my account taken off. I have connections so hopefully I will have an extra $68.00 to depend on. But, with my luck I am not depending on it just quite yet.

Stress Out Doesn't Even Begin To Cover It

I am completely and I mean completely broke. I have yet to regain any financial stability since I have been out of rehab. I have so many bills that I do not know what to do with myself. Trying to stay afloat and keep my financial matters under wrap is really starting to bother me. I am one step away from crying and if I do start I do not think that I will be able to stop. No wonder my back is so tense and I am irritable.

I have about $20 maybe $25 dollars to last me until next Friday. Factor in gas and toll expenses and I am in the negative. And, add to that my next check is already spent on bills. So basically I will have no type of money until February 11th. By then, I am hoping that I will be caught up.

If not I am seriously thinking about leaving the country and becoming a male prostitute for a while. But, I really don't think I would be able to excel at this profession and would probably have to pay client's to sleep with me.

Damn it.

Coincidence I Think Not

So this may sound a little strange but, what else is new. Have you ever noticed something that occurs each day. Not like deja vu. It is more like you see the same bird sitting on the same building top every morning as you go to work? Just something that occurs each day whether it be at the same time or later in the day but you still see it? Well I for some reason always look at the clock at 9:11. Everyday it happens. It is like my brain has been programed to look at the time each morning and evening and it is always the same number 911. This has nothing to do with September 11th. And if I should happen to miss the number on the clock I will see it on television or it will be a total for a purchase. Somehow the number 911 comes up everyday. For instance, today I looked at the clock and it was 9:11 a.m. About twenty minutes later I set up an appointment for one of our designers and the person's address was 911 Trosby Court. How weird is that? Does it mean something that I keep seeing this number? Or have I just lost my mind? I used this ESP/Psychic book thing and it told me that when I saw this number it meant that people were talking about me. Well they must have a lot to say.

Any suggestions on why I am always seeing this number everyday?

Decisions Decisions

I was on my way to work today. Which by the way we are closed for Martin Luther King Day but, I was not informed of this until this morning when I got to work. And I heard about the boy that was killed in Florida. If you have not read the article here is a link Florida Shooting. The radio DJ said that many people are outraged that the student was killed. However, I am thinking the total opposite. The people that are outraged are forgetting about personal protection and the protection of hundreds of other students in the school. If put in the situation of having a gun drawn on myself I would have done the same thing. Now, I know that the student was only carrying a pellet gun but it was modified to look like an actual firearm so the officer of course is going to defend himself. Now I am not saying that I am a huge law enforcement lover. We all know how much we despise cops when we get a speeding ticket. But, we also need to remember that they have a job to do. And this job just happened to be about protecting students and oneself. I think that residents of Florida need to step back and look at the situation from the officer's point of view. Let's think...a crazed student is holding a firearm and pointing it at me? I think I will just let him fire it and take my chances trying to not get shot and maybe being able to wrestle him to the ground? Yeah.

The sad part is that the father of the now dead student was trying to call the officials to say that he believed that the gun was a pellet gun but by the time his attempts were made it was already too late. I just do not understand what is wrong with todays youth. When I went to school I was a very happy person on the outside. I was bullied and teased for many many years. Being called a fag or queer and getting my head smashed into a locker was not unheard of in my high school career. However, I never thought of killing the people who did this to me much less thinking of killing myself. I guess things have just gotten out of hand with the public schooling system. I don't know. But, I think we need to start cracking down on children who love to make the lives of their peers a living hell. These children will not realize the effects they have on their peers until they are in a situation like Columbine.

I am such a fairy

I was reading the article on Yahoo News about the One Eyed Cat and I almost started to cry. I was hoping that the story would have a really happy ending saying that the cat would survive and live a long nine lives but, as it always goes it had to end with the cat passing away. I would not know what to do if I had to care for a cat that I saw born and saw die. It would tear me apart as I love animals. When my father brought home a baby ground hog that had been abandoned I took care of it for about two to three weeks before it passed away. I thought I was going to lose my mind after its passing. I felt a connection to it considering I was its new mother. I did have success though with an abandoned bunny that my father found. I was able to make her healthy and send her out into the world. She still comes back to the house I used to live in every summer. I am able to get about two feet away from her until she gets nervous.

What a sad story.

All's Well That Ends Well

The tiff is finally over and we are friends again. Somehow I think we both knew that we would not be able to not be friends. Being friends for about twelve years now makes us even stronger. This was the first argument we have ever had in those twelve years. But it has been resolved and we are going to lunch today.

The End of an Era

Well my friendship with the person I wrote about the other day titled "Mental Note" is officially over. I never thought that it would come to this but, it must be meant to be or else it would not have happened. I can tell you that I am extremely bummed out about it. All I wanted was for this person to see my point of view on some things. I know now that the gift was purchased with gift certificates. I did not know all of the details and I apologized for not knowing all the details but, I know that the apology would not be enough and that the fact that I wrote my feelings down would be an issue from now until eternity. So, I wish this person all the best and maybe down the road we will be able to mend our friendship and maybe not. As for bashing you on the internet I did not write any private information. I wrote about my feelings regarding the situation.

Meme

1. What does your blog title name mean? The state of being I am currently in.
2. Were you named after anyone? Yes, my mother's father, my father's father, and my mother's uncle.
3. Do you wish on stars? I did when I was a kid but not recently.
4. When did you last cry? A week ago.
5. Do you like your handwriting? Yes, it is very neat and resemble that of a woman's handwriting.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? I do not have one that I am aware of.
7. What are your pet peeves? People chewing with their mouths open or smacking their lips...I go from happy to I will stab you with your utensil in .3 nanoseconds.
8. What is your most embarrassing CD? Minnie Ripperton's Greatest Hits
9. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Depends on if they have laces or not.
10. Do you think you're strong? Physically and Mentally I would say about average
11. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? French Vanilla
12. Shoe Size? Between a 13 and 14.
13. Red or pink? Red.
14. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My weight
15. Who do you miss most? Summer
16. Do you want everyone who reads this to comment and post on their blog? Sure
17. What colour pants and shoes are you wearing? Light blue jeans and Reebok Classics
18. What are you listening to right now? The quiet that is work
19. Last thing you ate? Yogurt
20. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Red or Green
21. What is the weather like right now? Warm it is around 60 degrees
22. Last person you talked to on the phone? My mother
23. The first thing you notice about a person? Teeth
24. What are 5 things that attract you to a partner? Teeth, eyes, clothes, ears, neck
25. Favorite Drink? Iced Tea or Long Island Iced Tea
26. What amazes you? That people have licenses who obviously should not have them.
27. Hair Color? Light Brown
28. Who is the retard that created this meme without a number 28?
29. Do you wear contacts?Yes, Royal Blue
30. Favorite Food? Chinese...Shrimp Chow Foon
31. Last book you read? The Idiot Girl's Action Adventure Club by Laurie Notaro
32. Favourite Day of The Year? When we "fall back" time wise
33. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Scary Movies
34. Summer or Winter? Winter
35. Hugs OR Kisses? Depends on who is doing it and how.
36. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Tiramisu
37. Salty or sweet tooth? Both
38. Where were you born? Baltimore, Maryland
39. Living Arrangements? With parents and teacup chihuahua
40. What's your favorite book? I really do not have one that comes to mind
41. What's On Your Mouse Pad? Dell computers
42. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Something on The Learning Channel
43. Favorite Smells? Freshly dryed blankets
44. Favorite Sounds? Music and silence
45. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Neither.
46. What's the furthest you've been from home? Honolulu, Hawaii
47. Do you have a special talent? I can cross one eye and keep one straight.
48. What is your ring tone? I have one for each person but, the main one is Rhianna "If it's lovin that you want."
49. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
50. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? Italy
51. Where would you like to retire to? Hawaii

Recommendation


Might I just say that I am extremely happy that I went to see Brokeback Mountain. All the hoopla that it is the "gay cowboy" movie made me so mad. People wanted to just write it off as this. The movie was one of the best movies that I have seen in a long time. Cheri took me out to dinner and a movie on Saturday.

I was supposed to go last weekend but it just did not happen. Also, the fact that the movie was not playing within a thirty mile radius made it sort of hard too. I was very disappointed that they movie was not playing locally. I guess that the theatres in West Virginia did not want to play it. I think that they will regret it because they are the ones who are missing out on a great movie. I cannot wait for this to come out on DVD.

Mental Note

I am frustrated with a capital "F."

I know that I should not be writing this but it bothers me. I know that the person(s) I am speaking of can read this at anytime and will probably get mad but I need to voice my opinion.

When the holidays come around I make it a point to cover everyone that I feel should receive a gift from me. I usually spend the most on my parents and grandmother. My friends come next. I do not keep many friends and spending a good amount on them is always done. So this year I have spent on several people to hear that they had no gift for me but that they were planning on purchasing the gift. That is fine because some research had to be done on the gift. Well low and behold I have yet to recieve anything from the person. And it wasn't until I inquired about the certificate that it was brought back up. Now I could see if you were really in a bad spot and did not have the money. I was told that they do not have the money for the gift. However, I find out this morning that a new gift was bought for the person. A brand new iPod. Well in my book they are around $200. This is an even bigger slap in the face because my gift was supposed to be an iTunes gift certificate for my iPod. So, the person(s) had enough money to purchase the iPod for themselves and now that I inquire about the gift certificate they have to see if they have enough money after they pay their bills. If you had the money to pay for a new iPod why not finish the gift giving to a person who is always there to help out. Whether you need a ride to work, mental support, or help in general I am always there. However, when it comes to thinking of someone other than yourself and your spouse it is always the same situation. You think of yourself.

So next year I will not be purchasing gift for anyone other than family because this is the third time that I have been forgotten about by this person and it is just not right. Oh and I forgot to say that I accidentally left this person's book at rehab and all they kept telling me is that I needed to replace it. Which I have bought a new copy of the book. But, since you have the money to buy things for yourself go buy yourself a new copy.

Breathing Really Is Not Effective

Last night we said goodbye to Kelly and Travis. They are obviously back on some form of illegal or legal drug. Travis did not go to work so he could go purchase some of the herb. How do we know this? Hmmm. Because I went to eat at the restaurant he works at. Aside from that I am over it. I do not need all the lying to my face.

So it is the end of the work day and I must say that I am convinced that the breathing technique that we are taught to deal with stress does nada. Today so many problems arose. It was like God said "...and let there be a stress." Shablam. Crackle. Glitter sparkles. Delivered. Whenever I get a phone call from one of the installation team members I know that something is bound to be wrong. Whether it be that their truck has broken down, they forgot material, the panties are in a bundle it is always something. I tried breathing today but it did not work. So I did the next best thing to breathing in some fresh air. I lit up a cigarette. I have not done too bad lately. I am not smoking the pack a day I used to.

However, I am praying that tomorrow is a different story and that things run smoothly. Like cum off of a gay man's face. Did I really just type that? I did. And I am sort of grossed out for some reason. Must be having a bad gay porn flashback in my subconscious. Or I could just be sexually frustrated.

Rehab is for Quitters

I have yet to stop smoking. I gave in and bought a pack of cigarettes this morning. The thing is I am so used to smoking on my hour and some odd minutes journey to work every day that my mind has me thinking I have to smoke while I am driving. It is like I cannot drive unless I light up a cigarette. I tried distracting my urges with Elliott in the Morning but even Elliott and Diane could not keep me on track. Tomorrow morning I plan on listening to "The Witching Hour" on my iPod. I am about an hour into it so far and I must say that I am enjoying it. I have not gotten the car attachment yet for my iPod so I have to use the earphones which I am sure in not legal. But, hey I have not heard that it isn't so I will just take my chances.

So, hopefully Anne Rice will be able to deliver me from smoking in the morning.

Nuovo Anno Felice

So, as we all know everyone around the world makes a New Year's Resolution. I myself have only followed one when I decided to become a vegetarian. That lasted for three years until I got really sick and was told by the doctor's that I at least had to start eating chicken for protein to raise my immune system. This year I have decided to quit smoking. It is about time. I have the patch and everything. I have yet to use it though. I will start this afternoon. I really hope that I am able to quit because I think that most of my problems in being healthy come from my pack of Newports each day. Plus the fact that I can barely stand not to gag when I am smoking is an indication that that part of my left is over.

I hope everyone had a great New Year. I was asleep with the flu. Nuovo Anno Felice.