So it is almost a new year and I am totally buzzin...right....off alcohol! I can't find April...she has distapeared. I am wearing an Amish woman's hat it is black and beautiful. I look gorgeous. Right right right. I felt like writing that three times because I said so. This entry will probably not make much sense but I can't help it. I am listening to elvator music. It is wonderful. I feel like I am on this constant trip to the top floor. Ha.....haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Oops my bad for holding the a key to long. Well everyone have a wonderfoil new year and have many drinks becuase I said so. Bye bye until next years...Paul

Good afternoon ladies and gentleman! I've just awoken from a sort of wonderful nights sleep. Remember how I said that I was going to play with Baby Girl well I did and she got loose again while I was doing a crossword puzzle. That hoochie went underneath the door after moving a full size pillow. I hear something in the wall that is in between my room and my parents wall closet. Guess what? It was her. She must have a thing for my parent's closet because she sure was groovin' in there like it was her own little discotech! Rats on rollerskates with gold belly shirts on and those ugly white shorts! Think back to the 70's! And a blonde afro wig with hooker blue eyeshadow. That's what Baby Girl should have been wearing at "Club Closet" last night. Maybe I will make her an outfit. She could play "PAUL'S FASHION EXTRAVAGANZA." It would be cool. I could build her a run way to model all the latest coutour. Designs by Paulblo Picasso. Ha! Moving on to more weird situations. I had a dream about Wendy Burdette last night. She was trying to get her job back at the Co. and she had to take all these test again and like go through massive interviews and they told her that they didn't need her because they already had Kake! That's right they said "I'm sorry Mrs. Burdette but we will not need your services because we have hired Ms. Kake....K as in Kake!" I was like oh no I didn't have a dream about Kake. Between going OFF TRACK and KAKE I think we have hired a OFF TRACK KAKE MAKER who's obsessed with acting so smoked up it's not even funknee(*note: there will now be words that have extra letters or letters that don't have the correct beginnings like k as in kake we not have funknee "Like Fun and Knee Ms. Franks:) If you get this keep your m as in mouth closed! I think it absolutely hilarious but I'm the one writing all this bullshit! Ha..ha...ha..! Now let me move onto more pressing news "FAKE HAIR", "HAIR WEAVES", "PHONY TAILS", "ANY OTHER HAIR THAT IS NOT YOUR OWN." So I undertand if you can't achieve it weave it but damn! Don't be puttin no hair color that obviously came off of a rainbow bright character. Stick to natural tones. Brown, black, blonde, red, auburn. Not purple! I know that I don't know the full spectrum that comes with fake hair but, you should still be able to see through the shit to see an ear or that there's still a face under the hair. Lookin like an overgrown ferbie and shit! I need to stop. Because one day I too may need hair club for men....or weave club for white bald men. I'm am so bad! I watched part of To Wong Foo the other day! Chi Chi Rodriguez inspires me! I don't know why. I think it's because John Lickcwozamo (I have no clue how to spell his damn last name but he was Taluse in Moulin Rouge) plays the part and he cracks me the phuck (yes ph like in fuck) up. And Wesley Snipes is funny too! "Go ahead Ms. Vita you speak honkey." Ha...ha...ha! It's so wonderful when people call white people honkeys! I think it is fabulous! At work we always are talkin to Constance like "it's because your black" and she is like "why's it always got to be black" and Angel is like "well why can't it be yellow" and I'm like "well why can't be be honkey?" Please don't ask me where the hell those last couple of lines came from because I couldn't tell ya! I have issues...no make that volumes of crazy thoughts! But you all who read this know that...right? Or am I the only one that realizes this reality of realness that is around me? See there I go again with another weird thought? Amanda are you sure we are at your house or is this a figment of your house? Shout out to Amanda! Well I have typed the shit out of myself today so I'm going to get going to wherever it is that I'm going to go because if I don't get going I'll never get going to go to the place that I'm going! Try using a word like ten times in the same sentence it is fun! So I'll write to you "TOMORROW...TOMORROW...I LOVE YA TOMORROW YOUR ONLY NINE HOURS AWAY." Paul

Secret Agent Message Relayer: This mission if you choose to except it will be the greatest thing that you will ever accomplish...so do you take it? Me (a.k.a. Agent Longdongscholong): Yes I know I can do it what is the mission? SAMR: To save money!! Me: That is like death! But I'm on the mission "dollar saver" impossible. So I am on this mission to conserve money and try to conserve. That sounds all responsible and stuff but I have like this big "WALMART SHOPPING EXTRAVAGANZA" virus that seems to haunt me almost every night. I'm saving money this is the plan. Gas money per week and $20 a week. That's all I have to stretch the twenty for seven whole days! Ugh...why can't higher education be free. My mother has taken my debit card as per my request! I feel like I've signed myself into a mental institution but the only difference is that it's the "Mental Institution for Paul needing to save his money and not be so frivoluous and buy every friggin thing that he wants and desires because he needs to have cash flow for a rainy day" type institution. I think I can...I think I can! Woo Hoo! So work has been pretty good except for my Sarah quitting. I love her to death. Constance and her are like my sisters that I've always wanted. Between April, Constance and Sarah I have been able to extend my family to Mom, Dad, Me and three sisters! Yep that's right you all I now have three sisters! Angel C. is almost there but she is more like my princess that watches over me and makes sure that I'm taking care of myself type friend/mom! It's well appreciated. Baby G got an awesome cage for Christmas. That is if you can consider being in a cage awesome. But she now has an official "rat cage" with a purple igloo, purple wheel, purple bell thingy and her water bottle and food bowl. She is wonderful! She escaped the other night...but not really. I forgot to put her back in her cage and fell asleep and she had 12 wonderful hours in the house. She was found at the corner of my mom's dresser St. and inside the closet St. She was swinging from the hangers in my mother's closet. So I hope everyone had an excellent Christmas. I worked but it was great. I got to see my Desi and she had a surprise for me. A big care bear! Bedtime bear and I've been sleeping with him ever since. He is a cuddle pillow. I got a lot for Christmas $420, a new bed spread, sheets, pillowcases, curtains, shirts, movies, frames, egyptian box, tiger printed urn, bamboo candle, books, food, cologne, and a bonsai tree that lights up! I made out great again this year. I wish I could have visited the family though but the money was good at work and it will push me ahead of the game hopefully on my money mission. I have to go OFF TRACK for a second and say POPCORN! Susan you will know what I'm talking about and you too Tricia! Ha..ha..ha! I went with the parents tonight to see Gangs of New York and it was wonderful! I loved the movie. It was two hours and forty four minutes long. I enjoyed spending time with my parents since we really don't get to do that that often. We ate at Arby's and head to Walden books for me to get a calendar and mini oragami set and then to the movies. I figure since I can't spend money oragami should keep me busy and re-painting my room! It will be black, white, and turquoise. I'm having my Aaliyah posters framed to go in the room. I think it will look cool but who knows. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to Aaliyah and her family! Hoping that each Day becomes a little better. I know I know I get carried away but Aaliyah was a huge inspiration to me while she was here on Earth. I only pray that I can be as talented as her! Well I'm getting off here to go and like get a bath and watch a movie and play with Baby Girl for a while. Until we meet again! Smooches to some pretty pooches! Paul

Hello my little Christmas elves! Hoping everyone was able to get what they wanted for Christmas and some more. I made out pretty well this year. I got perfume from Ms. Pat, a bonsai tree from Samantha, a baset from Tricia, 300 dollars, two shirts, movies, an alarm clock, bed spread, curtains, and pillow cases from my parents. I'm redoing my room in Aaliyah. It should be nifty! Black, white and turquoise. I am sooooooo tired. I have to work today but the money is good so I'm not complaining. It's snowing bundles outside. Guess what I have a story that is quite funny and I think that you would enjoy. So April is bringing me home last night on river road and we pass what looks like a dead dog. Well she goes in reverse and we find that it's a baby deer. So we leave and trudge on down the snow covered road. Then we pass another animal dead and covered with snow. You guessed it it was a deer again. So I told April that we were in the frozen food isle. Get it frozen food...deer meat! Ha...aha! So I am totally in love with Lilo and Stitch the Disney movie. It is fabulous! My love that one! My favorite part is when Stitch claps and laughs when the one guy sets the stage on fire! Darien, the little boy April takes care of on the weekends reinacts that scene everytime he sees it. It is hilarious! I don't have much to say today because it's Christmas and I'm tired and need to take a nap before going to work! So I talk to you all later! Bye bye....and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

So this will probably be the longest journal entry ever because I have so much to catch up on. So it is now like 11:02am and I have only had like 5 and 1/2 hrs. sleep but that's okay. So turkey day went okay. Well Christams is only like 11 days away and last night I was able to finish my Christmas shopping. I was like screw it Paul get this shit done and over with and stop worrying over money because you know that you have the money to spend. I have this problem where I am always worrying about money. Can't explain it or understand it but I know that it's there. Then I get over it somehow. But at least my Christmas shopping is finito! At least I hope so. I think I may have to pick up a couple odds and ends but that's expected. Anyway so I have this problem that I need to discuss before it eats my ear away. That's right you've guessed it by Sally Wow! I got my ear pierced. Not only this time but three other times and guess what I just happen to be allergic to metals. It doesn't matter what type of metal just any metal. I bet you that my broke ass could wear platnium. Yeah that's right broke ass boy sportin' a platnium chip! or the reverse side would be movin on up boy sportin' a tinfoil hoop in his ear! Cha..please! I wish my ear would get the fuck over it and except that damn metal. "Hello look at this as an award. You are the winner except your fucking metal." Ha..ha..ha that would be like the best handing over of the metal at the olympics speech! "Listen here Canada, France, and America I have your metal and you better fucking take them don't even try to reject them." How come I can wear jewerly but I can't actually wear jewerly? Question time: (Allahwischous Genie appears with the answer) Well Paul the answer to your question is simple. You just can't you asshole so stop trying to ruin your ear." Me: Oh that is so wise of you ass master allahwischous Genie. Moving on! So I made these gingerbread people, and no Constance they aren't black or brown they are the newest fad gingerpaper. I have Myrtle Garbagegab, Big Daddy Cane, and Margarita. Margarita is a bow legged underage hooker pregnant with twins gingerbread person. Big Daddy Cane is her pimp. And Myrtle is Big Daddy's wife. They are cute but I figured don't leave them exposed in the workspace Paul because someone might freak out and be like why did you create a image of me! Oh no..how did my secret get out that all this time I pretended to be a call center rep but I am truly a underage hooker from Taiwan transporting twins into America! Hello people it's the 2000's and they are just innocent gingerbread people dressing up for the holidays! I think that I may have terrets of the brain...little spastic thoughts that just come and onto the screen. Or maybe it's just me! Now let's move on to my last days of college for this semester. I have to say that I love you Professor Geffert because you are wonderful. Now let's move on to Professor Buffathis, Buttathis, Buttfuckathis....whatever his fucked up name is! He is such an asshole! He gave me a 65 on my term paper! Everyone who read it said that it was great and that they thought a B for sure! Well guess what people you hit the wrong buzzer at the wrong time! He said that I had very strong points but that he couldn't give me credit for them! What...what...what! Hello if they are there they need credit, money, foodstamps...something! Then my final exam. I think I did okay! He changed the format of his test again...big no no! He may have to be rounding grades this semester for the test again! I tell ya these professors at Shepherd are like "You don't need to wake up and smell the coffee because we'd rather you sleep all day and not wake up to come to class." type professors. They wear horrible clothes, hair pieces, jewerly, undergarments! Ha..ha..ha. I was only kidding about the jewerly. Actually their undergarments are sexy! That's what keeps Amanda and I going in Professor B's class...oops he doesn't wear any underwear! Bulge the deck matey! Gross...tuck your schlong back in place so that Amanda and I don't have to think about 50 year old penis wagging while you are lecturing! Laura if you read this it was wagging in your face the first day of class since you sat in the from row! You got all the action baby! Wiggle Wiggle Jiggle Jiggle! Well I have to keep the next part of my story on the DL yes the DL or LD which ever you prefer. So Naszilla has decided to try to take over the world right? Wrong Naszilla, Nostrildomis, Rosy Nosy just doesn't understand that it will not happen! Don't come into Paul's world and try to man the ship because I'm the captain and what I say goes! "Oh yes agree agree agree with me" shouts Naszilla. "No I will not you are evil and will be punished" I reply "Oh yeah take this." says Naszilla as it inhales through its nose and sucks me in through those ginormous passages until I faint from the shock of being stuck in a tunnel for days! If you know what I'm talking about keep it to yourself! You know that I'm right so let's stick together! And now moving on to more pressing news: M or Kake! This bitch did not go there! K as in Kake. Cake bitch cake! What the fuck(in the words of Monique from Queens of comedy)! Maybe when I found that piece of hair by the time clock it was the link to her brain actually functioning. Shit girl you betta get to the lost and found to get your cable connection back! If you tell a customer yes I have that as K as in Kake...first of all the words changes pronunciation now it is Kah Key! Not Cake! Sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you don't! Well let me know M when you don't and I'll send you a present! Lord help me for saying all this shit but damn sometimes it just needs to be recorded so when the human species is all gone and only animals or Tammy Faye Baker and Anna Nicole Smith are the only aliens left on the planet they too will be able to get a laugh from us! Keep it on the screen now from screen to mouth to everyone else! Remember this is here for my therapy and your entertainment! I'm always watching! Get the fuck out Paul you only got one real eyeball the other one is glass! I think that I want to invent a glass eyeball that is remote controlled! That would be off the chain, frame, lane! Imagine if it got some weird surge of energy and started to go crazy! Attack of the glass eyeball...when glass eyeballs attack....killer eyeballs from outerspace! I am too much...really...all joking aside! Not really but really anywho because I'm light headed and can't think of a damn thing! Or maybe it's just that I'm tired and need to go back to bed. I'm not sure! But whatever! So I think that I have just about wore myself out typing. Gotta go to the gingerbread person transporting in the cho! Later home fried tater! Paul