Good Eve My Bitches...

So it has been quite a while since I have taken the time to write. I have been busy. Well also not feeling well. I found out on Friday that someone I work with has Mono. Well needless to say I have the symptoms and have had the symptoms for mono for quite some time now. I didn't catch it from anyone believe me. I would have only gotten it from this person at work if I infact do have it. But anyway. Hopefully, it comes up negative.

I went for my second ticket in Virginia. I got off with a $341 fine and six points on my license for wreckless driving. The points however, do not transfer....yay!! I started knitting April and Adam's scarves. They are quite impressive if I do say so myself.

I spent Saturday with April and Adam. We laid by the pool, cooked out, and just chilled. It was quite nice. I actually got some color in my face. My room is almost finished. And as promised I will be taking pictures to show you the fabulousness I call "Room at Chateau Paul." I love it. Infact, everyone who has come by to see the new house has fell in love with my room. I can't blame them. I would too.

I talked to Cheri for the first time in a month on Sunday. Which by the way I did nothing but sit in bed the whole day Sunday. Things were ackward. But I think there still may be a friendship there. I'm not letting it get to the point that it did last time. I changed way to much for the worse. I became even more self absorbed, selfish, judging of others, and by all means an arrogant fag who thought his shit didn't stink and that he ruled the world because he can afford the likes of Gucci, Escada, and Louis Vuitton. But anywho, that is a quick update. I'll try to write more at work tonight but I can't say that it will happen. Since Johannes is on vacation I have been working with Sherry NeeHigh and we get our work done just a the beat of a different drum.

Tonight's theme at work since this is her last night working with me on 3rd shift is: Party like a rockstar. And my friends we shall.

Effexor

 

So this is the drug of choice that my doctor has decided I should go on for an anti-depressant.  It makes me very tired.  However, it also makes me have the attitude of "fuck it things can wait until I want them done."  So I'm not sure if that is good or bad at the current moment.  We shall see.

 

I bought, well actually my grandmother bought me tons of yarn to start my knitting projects for the winter.  Each skeen of yarn was around $5-$6.  I thought it rather expensive for a beginner.  But my Aunt Velma spent around $15 to $20 per skeen.  So I'm having fun with yarn for now.

 

Work is the same old same old.  My sinus' however have taken a draw back.  Making me sick again.  It has gotten to the point that I feel like having them ripped out with a spoon if that would fix it.

 

Over the weekend I went and saw The Exorcist:  The Beginning.  By myself.  It was okay.  No where near as scary as the first one but hey it had more of a story than anything to it.

 

We are officially moved in to our new house.  Baby Girl is doing fine from surgery even though I had to take her back to the vet this morning because she ripped her damn stitches out.  She will be fine though.  She slept on my shoulder under my jacket today as I drove her to the vet.  I miss taking her places with me.  I think I'm bringing her to work with me Thursday night.  We shall see.

 

Well enough.  I'm out and have to get back to work. 

Absence makes the stomach feel thunder

Sorry for my absence in writing but I have been under the weather. I am not sure if it is food poisoning or just one of those pesky stomach bugs. Whatever the case it has not been pleasant. I feel for a woman on her period. Not because of the whole "I'm bleeding from down under." But, because of the cramps. Cramps suck. Enough said.

Work has been work. The drama that comes from work has been astounding though. I wonder how such a tight knit group of workers (6 office workers) can create so much plight? At any rate I have moved on from it. Actually, I was the last to know about the "drama" that I caused. Actually, I didn't even know there was any drama until people pass along information and it becomes contorted like a sexual position. When I was dubbed the office's "fucking drama queen" I stepped in to resolve the issue that others made from nothing but chit chat between myself and my partner in crime JoHaNnEs. I wish that people would just keep their ears to theirselves and not pass along a simple conversation that turns into me "quitting my position" here at Schneiderville. Yes, I work for Schneider National. No big deal. I work for the third ranking trucking compnay in the nation. Whoo...hoo.

More importantly, when it comes to myself and coworkers I never bitch and complain about them to each other. I write out my frustrations online. And that is where it stays. When I leave work anything that deals with work stays at work. I do little things for my coworkers to show my appreciation for their hardwork. Like keep snacks and what not for them. I help do their work that comes in at night to lighten their load during the day. I basically look like a brown noser when all I want to do is be nice and pay it forward. Even though I never get the pay it forward passed back. So when a certain person whom I adore dubs me a "fucking drama queen" there is much trouble on the horizon. I figured let it go. It is just words. I've been called worse throughout my life fag, faggot, and so on. But, as the days rolled by it hurt me more and more that the one person I thought I had a great work relationship with and developing friendship with would call me this. I brought it to the table. The way I figure it is if I can't let it go in 4 days then what makes me think that I can let it rest two weeks from now. It is not the point that I am mad. I got over the being mad part of it. What I haven't gotten over is the fact of being called this when I assure you it does not apply. Office workers that heard this came to me because they were more upset that someone would call me this when they see the person calling names more suitable for the title of "a fucking drama queen." So I took it to my manager who was officially pissed off. Actually, pissed off wasn't the word. He told me that I am anything but and that the person starting this whole mess with reconstructing stories secondhand and calling names is being taken care of. Whatever that means I don't know I just know that resignation was a word thrown in the mix today when communicating to her.

So it is good to know that I am once again appreciated at work from my manager who has told me the following:

"Paul your ability to adapt to a changing company is remarkable. Your data entry, learning curve, and dedication to be productive are outstanding. I have never worked with someone so willing to adapt and at the same time learn new things within hours of training. You dedication to our account is much appreciated. You are one that will be here for the long haul and that is said with the upmost confidence."

This makes me wonder if the "Office Queen" is threatened because I have taken some of the limelight? But whatever. I am going to kill her with kindness which is the best thing to do in situations like this.

P.S. She was known as the "Office Queen" before I started here.

Well if my tummy decides that it wants to cooperate in the a.m. I'm headed to Baltimore to visit the grandparents. If not I'm off to try to decorate my new room our new house. The color are brilliant. I painted it today. I promise pictures because I am very proud of my little space in the world.

Hope everyone is well and has a great weekend.

Hurtin'

I'd write more but my hand is hurting. You put the pieces together....LOL :)

I don't get mad I get even...

I understand that wherever you work there are always going to be flaws with coworkers. Here it seemed that everyone watched out for everyone. As I have found out tonight that is not the case. Due to information from my amiga Ms. Sherry NeeHigh I have began to realize who and who not to trust.
The television that I mentioned last night is gone. I have packed it up and it will be going home to me because there are assumptions going on regarding my little black and white bliss. I keep this here primarily to keep up on the weather because I do work at a trucking company so it benefits us to know what is going on weather wise. This is now stopped. I had two books sitting at my desk that I read on and off when I have down time. Which is not often. They too have become a topic of debate. So they are now gone and will go home with me as well. I don't understand what the big deal is anyway. I get my work done plus I help do work for other shifts to help them out. I keep busy so shut the fuck up about it.
They take take and take but never give is the next topic. I have always kept snacks and what not for my coworkers. The only people that have ever thanked me here were Pat, Sherry NeeHigh, Johannes, Paul and Earle. Those that seem to eat 70% of what I keep have never said "thank you," "you are so nice," or "fuck you." Now that is going to change. I give out of the kindness of my heart. I usually spend around $30 a week keeping things for my coworkers. Now we should note that I have maybe had two candy bars out of all of this. This is stopping. I have cleaned out the snack bin. Everything is gone. The only things left are a guava juice and two mountain dews. Nothing else will be brought back in.
You fuck with my trust I fuck with you. So as a proclaimation I will do what I am supposed to do each night and I will continue to help out those that value me as a coworker. For those that are users when you reach up to open that cabinent and you see nothing there I want you to think on why nothing is there and will continue not to be there.
Sherry NeeHigh I trust you enough not to say a word because you are the one that has kept me informed of the going's on here. I love you girl. But remember this is never to leave this page and as I have told you if it does there is no trust or relationship between us ever again and the site changes. So believe me when I say that I trust you enough to read this but as with everyone I always give warning.

Why Do I Even Try?

To keep a fucking journal? I am currently at the point that I am changing the address again for good. No one and I mean no one will have the address. It will be for me only. It is not that someone has betrayed my trust with it again. It is because I can see it happening in the future. So this is the last entry anyone will ever see from me.

Take care everyone.

TeleTubby

So Sherry NeeHigh at work gave me a little television. It is black and white but I love it. I have it next to me at my desk. So since yesterday I have enjoyed late night programming while working. Talk about "loving it." If I could hook a DVD or VCR up to it I would. But then I really don't think I would get anything done. So far I have managed to be more productive at work with the television than without.

Question time: Is a phrase that contains "rock this," "rock that," or any type of "rock" a stereotypical gay thing? or have I gone straight?

Every person I hear use something like "I would so rock that." Or "Let's rock this." I find out they are gay. Or maybe it is just where I live. I personally use "loving it" more than "rock that."

Anyway, I'm tired and I have television to get back to....I mean work to get back to.

Update: 4:59a.m.

I just got finished watching "The Big Comfy Couch." Has anyone out there ever noticed how big of a queen Major Bedhead is?

I'm a survivor

As you all know I went camping for the first time on Saturday. I was at the campsite by 9:30am. I was wishing I was in the comfort of my own bed by 10:00am. April put up my tent. I then decorated it with all my pillows and blankets and bags. Knowing that I had been awake since Friday night at 8pm I decided to go to sleep for a power nap. Well by 12:15pm I still was not asleep. I'm not sure why. I got back out of the tent and talked for a while. Ate some junk food and a bavarian pretzel melt I had purchased on my way to April's house. I finally felt like I could fall asleep at 2:00pm. I went back in the tent and fell asleep until 9:30pm. April and everyone there tried to get me to wake up earlier to eat dinner but I didn't want to. I just wanted to sleep. So when I finally got up we played cards and talked around the fire until about 3:30am. I then retired back to my tent and slept until 10:30am. I woke up...had missed breakfast and my back was hurting that morning. Well since it was so cold outside my sinus' started to act up and I wound up having to puke a couple of times. I then got a headache and laid back down for about three more hours. My tent became an oven. Set on temperature "hell." I was covered in sweat and my nose was draining. I finally got up and talked some more and drank a soda. I was watching the birds and the bugs flit around the campsite. We packed up around 6:00pm to come home. There is a lot more that went on. Example: I found my other personality "Pappy Joe" and entertained everyone with his antics. I am just out of it tonight and don't feel like giving a play by play. There really isn't that much more because all you can do when you camp is talk, eat, and sleep. And for those of us that have partners have sex. Which I heard coming from the neighboring tent. But anyway, it was fun and I would do it again. Only I would have a bigger tent and an air mattress. I'll write more tomorrow when I feel better. My back is hurting more than it has before I had surgery so yeah I'm not in the mood to blog. But I wanted everyone to know that I'm a survivor of my first camping trip.

Flashy Honk Honk

On my way to work tonight a cop pulled out behind me. I was obeying every law. I had my cruise control set at the speed limit and so on. Well when I was going around a turn my tire went on the yellow line. I didn't think anything of it. Well I'm almost at work and the cop decides he is going to pull me over. I'm like WTF. He comes up to the car and says "I saw your tire go on the yellow line and I pulled you over to make sure you weren't drinking." I told him I was headed to work and that I realized I went over a little too far on the line. It was my bad. Well he makes me give him my license, registration and proof of insurance. I'm like he cannot be giving me a ticket for a random drunk driver stop. He brings back a warning because my registration wasn't signed. I now have a deep appreciation for loathing cops. He was very nice though. Actually, I understand why he pulled me over but I'm thinking that my car is possessed by some cop attracting demon. I am really thinking about getting rid of the Mercedes.

So I'm at work now. I was 10 minutes late because of being stopped. Work is the same old same old. I am awaiting an email from O.J. I look forward to them every night. I like his writing style and I am thankful that I now have a new friend to chat with. A friend that brings out the philosophical side of me. It is a good thing. So thanks for sending that first email O.J. I look forward to many more in the future.

Yesterday when I got off of work I went to WalMart...my mecca and had to get fluid pills. My feet were retaining water. I was afraid they were going to fall off. But they are much better now. I also bought "13 Going On 30." I have made it through the first 45 minutes so far. Not the best movie but I like the fashion in the movie. I'll finish it Sunday when I get back from my camping trip tomorrow night.

Yes, Paul is going camping. Will he survive? I'm not sure. But you will know if there is a post on Sunday or Monday recounting this earth shattering event.

Please pray that there are no Michael Myers or Freddy's out in the woods with us. Or at least I hear that eerie music so I can run ahead of time.

Later.


P.S. Update. I have spent the whole night reading this woman's blog. Absolutely satisfying.

Return to Oz

Am I like the only human being that remembers this movie and owns it? It was Fairuza Balks first major motion picture. While it can never live up to the original Wizard of Oz it is fairly good. My favorite character in this movie is the evil queen who collects different heads and wears them because she finds her own to ugly and aged. But at any rate I recommend that you see this movie if you have not. It is now on DVD and can be purchased at a reasonable price of around $15.00.

I'm feeling much better. However, I am exhausted. Every night I make a pledge that I am going to go home, get a shower/bath, and head straight to bed but put on Driving Mrs. Daisy to fall asleep to. It has yet to happen and I've been saying that it is going to happen everyday this week. So, after getting my paycheck in the morning I am going to the bank, getting some breakfast and I damn well will be in bed by 830am. I will be asleep by no later than 930am. Even if I have to hit myself over the head with a wine bottle. I will succeed.

I am so done with not sleeping.

Splitting Melon

Tonight I woke up with a god awful migraine. It subsided for a while after I took a pain killer but it has slowly crept back. What to do? What to do? I have taken some Tylenol but for some reason that stuff never seems to work.

And shall I mention work? Why yes...yes I shall. It is going so slow. Slower than usual. Last night flew by. Maybe because I had to file about 50,000 papers. And this my friends is no exaggeration. It took forever to do the filing but with Johannes' help it went faster. I now have a deep hate for filing. Plus the fact that I punctured my ring finger with a heavy duty staple didn't help. Blood...blood...and more blood. When this happened I yelled that I "hated fucking filing and that I had to smoke a cigarette because my nerves were shot." So I did.

But the filing still got done.

A couple of years ago I wrote a poem. It was called Ode to Icky Bug. Well our building has these hideous creatures. There was one in the building last night. It was as long as a crayon. If not longer. With all it's thread like legs it waited patiently for me to spray it with window glass cleaner. I got up on a chair. Pat handed me the spray and I began to spray. This motherfucker jumped at us. Fell to the floor and ran off. Pat and I screamed at the top of our lungs. Hopefully, the bitch died. And there is another one in here again tonight. He has been sprayed with window cleaner too. He did not jump...only ran. Hopefully, he is running to that bright light I have so nicely led him to with the spray of cleaner.

Oh how I loathe insects. Especially, mutant bugs.

Table of Contents

I am sitting at work and I am happy. I haven't been this happy with a job in so long. Actually, since I was 18 and worked my infamous days as a Subway employee. April you can vouch for those days being infamous....because to us they were. I have an awesome crew that I work with. There is little to no bickering between coworkers. Well with the exception of that one time I have mentioned. Now I do not consider the truck drivers my coworkers. They are more as the office workers servants. So that is what I will consider them...servants. They serve the purpose we give them. However, I do realize that our jobs depend upon their performance that is why I can still appreciate the work that they do. They work their asses off by the way.

I get my new insurance on Friday. Thanks be to God that I don't have to worry about not having insurance.

I am looking forward to the move now more than I thought that I would. My parents so deserve this house. They have always wanted a victorian style home and now they will have it. I am going to try to give them money every week just to help out. I am so proud of them for all that they have accomplished and all that they have left to accomplish.

Baby Girl (my pet rat) has to go in for surgery in two weeks. Most rats tend to get tumors/cysts. And Baby Girl was lucky enough to get one. The vet says that it will not be a problem to remove it. It is near her jaw so if it gets any bigger it can impair her from eating and if too big it cannot be removed. I am worried for her and I pray that nothing happens to my little precious gem. I still remember the day I bought her. I was so nervous because this little life was in my hands and I was now responsible for it. She was so tiny...the length of a 4 yr olds hand if not smaller and about as round as a pack of Rolo. She has made me appreciate having a pet that I can call my own even though I don't get to see her more. Mom and Dad love her to death. At first they were a little gunshy about it but now they love her more and more everyday. Plus her sassy attitude makes for much laughter. So please if you would say a little prayer as stupid as you may think it is that my rat, Baby Girl is okay before, during and after the surgery. It would be much appreciated.

Well I've got to get something to eat and smoke a cigarette...which I know I need to stop doing...and this actually pertains to both eating and smoking. Just kidding. I don't eat enough as it is. Now smoking I do too much of but I am cutting back and hope to stop by the end of the year if not sooner.

So everyone have a great night.

400 and more to go

This is officially my 400th post. Jeezy Squeezy, I never thought that I would have made it this far. Work is the same old same old tonight. I got another email from O.J. He is extremely nice. His presence alone in emails are so close to home. He makes me feel that I have a friend that I have known before the mortal coil was snipped. So O.J. please note that you are very much appreciated and welcomed.

Saturday night was a blast. I woke up at 8pm on Saturday night. Called April and headed to her cousin Kimmy's house to play cards until 230a.m. Much fun and laughter was had. On my way home I get a call from April that Amanda had called her house and woke her mother up trying to get ahold of me. So I called Amanda...who was completely tore up. So I turned around and headed back up to Amanda's house. Billy, Amanda, and Rhiannon were blitzed. I had a couple of drinks, played truth or dare, and chatted. It was great hanging out with them. I have missed that for quite some time now. I was feelin' pretty good by the time I left. We will definitely have to do it again Amanda!!!!

So now it is Monday...well actually Tuesday because it is 1:34a.m. and I'm at work. Things are running smoothly so far. Monday usually forcasts the week ahead so I'm glad everything is running calmly. I'm supposed to go camping this upcoming weekend with April and Adam. I thought it was this past Saturday but it wasn't. And thank God it wasn't because of the storms we had Saturday night. So we will see how this whole camping thing goes.

I just hope that I survive. I'm bringing a battery operated television with me though...because I want to at least be reminded that I'm living in the 21st century while I'm out in the wilderness on Saturday night.

My mother went to the doctor's today...she has walking pneumonia. My father has strep throat. So far I have evaded illness. And it had better stay that way. They are both on anti-biotics...I'm hoping this will make them immune. If not I'm going to be one cranky bitch come the day I get sick again.

P.S. it is now 2:44a.m.

Being teased and tortured for so many years in school I always have this feeling that people are talking about me. I guess it is some type of paranoia or something. When they whisper or start laughing as I approach it doesn't matter. Tonight when I got back from the store Paul D. and Shannon "aka Soon to be renamed JerkOff" N. starting laughing as I was walking toward them. I heard Paul D. say as I entered the door "I know...I know." If they are going to makes comments about me then they need to do it to my face...because as we all know I am not the one to fuck with when it comes to finding out you have been whispering about me behind my back. As many of my friends know I am the King of Vengence and I always get it. Regardless of the price. So Paul and Shannon need take this advice if they think their mental games of whispering will not have reprocussions.

It is now 4:09a.m.

And I am letting the bullshit from earlier get to me. I need to learn to brush it off because no matter where you go in life you will always have a barberic asshole not far behind. If shit was said so be it...if not then my bad. But all I have to say is that thank God for the truck drivers I do talk to. They are some of the nicest people I have met.

You get rid of it...

The title above is my favorite line from any movie I have ever had the chance to watch. It was spoken by Claudia (aka Kirsten Dunst) as the child vampire in Interview with the Vampire. When first I heard her speak this and to this day the passion, deceit, and anger in this one phrase makes me wonder how a child of only 11 years of age could deliver a performance as astounding as hers in IWTV? But anyway, now you all know my favorite movie line. It is simple when read but when spoken in the movie it sends chills through my body.

I went today to see The Village with my parents, Aunt Velma, and Uncle Keith. It was actually pretty decent. Not the best picture my M. Night S. but who am I to judge? I would say wait until it comes out on video to see it unless you can't because you are a movie freak like me. Nonetheless, I didn't have to pay for the ticket so how can I complain. After the movie we headed to Romano's Macaroni Grill...which we all know is probably my favorite restaurant next to The Cheesecake Factory. Dinner was good. There was much laughter. The kind of atmosphere I miss so much with my family since I live 70 miles from them or more. Before we headed to Frederick we went and saw the house that I will be moving into in the next two weeks. It is wicked. Victorian. The garden alone makes me feel as if I were in New Orleans. There is even a porch out from the back bedroom on the third floor. Not to mention a killer attic. The basement (as we know I don't like basements) is creepy and reminds me of something you would find in The Village time period. But all in all I am in love with the house. And for a whopping $340,000 I should be. Again, not paying for it no need to complain. But now I'm off to bed I have been up since 8pm Saturday night and it is now Monday 1:55 a.m.

But, I want to leave you with an email I received tonight from someone I have never met, heard from, but now appreciate due to the following:

Paul,

I have been a reader of your blog for sometime now. Not really sure how I got there originally as I often surf through blogs via links on other blogs. Yours really touched me in a very personal way as I could see much of myself and my searching and confusion when I was much younger. Happily, I am in a much better place now than I was back then, or as I suspect the you are often in now. Anyway, I will be sorry not to be able to read your blog anymore. I understand your need for more privacy and, as a stranger to you, I have no right to intrude on that privacy.

If I may make an unsolicited comment...I want you to know that things are not always as dark, or even as confusing, as they seem sometimes. I consider myself to be a sensitive and creative individual, as I sense that you are, and as such I have often intensified reality (if you can understand my meaning) and over analyzed things. We are the type of people who feel things so deeply that we paint or otherwise create them and write them from the very depth of our souls. Love eludes us or, as I have discovered in my journey, it appears to elude us and it throws us into a dark and empty space from which we struggle to find our way back. When we love, we love from such a place in our very souls that few ever feel or understand. And we often pin everything on that love. Sometimes even our very existence. With age and experience and the love/support/understanding of some special people I have learned to understand my special and unique nature and to live more harmoniously with who/what I am.


Enough intensity. I have a tendency to ramble on if so allowed. I would just like you to know that I have appreciated your wit and have sympathized with you when you have bared your soul. If you don't mind that a total stranger looks in on you once in awhile, I would appreciate and value your new blog address. If you do mind, I am totally understanding.

Blog On!

O.J.

Is this not the sweetest email? I haven't received something so positive in a long time. It makes all the times I have pressed the Publish Post button all the more rewarding.

Night All!!!