Insomniac

I've comed to realize that there are some advantages to having insomnia however, yesterday I was able to experience the consequences. Hmm. Let me think here for a minute. I managed to sleep for zero hours Tuesday night and 4 hours Wednesday night. At work I was a complete basketcase from not having any sleep Tuesday night. Anyway, here are the consequences for not being able to sleep in 4 weeks:

1. Almost fell asleep driving to Baltimore
2. Was in a pissy mood
3. Could not enjoy Thanksgiving dinner
4. Tried to fall asleep on the way home but couldn't
5. Went to watch Will and Grace and collasped into a coma for 4 hours

Pros to having insomnia:

1. Get a lot of thinking done
2. Started to learn how to knit scarfs.
3. Get a chance to memorize a lot of movie lines (I pretty much know all of Interview with the Vampire and Steel Magnolias)
4. Can always claim temporary insanity due to lack of sleep if I ever get the chance.

Thanksgiving was good although I don't remember much of it. I know I talked to my Aunt Velma a lot and she taught me how to knit. Other than that the day was pretty uneventful. I only ate stuffing, potatoes, mac and cheese, and turkey. How pathetic is that? There was so much more to choose from...I wanted Kielbasa and Saurkraut while I was there but forgot about it because I was full. So I have some in the frig for later. I just back from shopping...which by the way since I'm so tired has lost all of its charm...and managed to buy not a damn thing for myself. I only bought Sharon her baby shower gift. I got her a bib with a mom and baby duck on it, a robe with a baby duck on it that says "Just Duckie," the matching blanket/wrap thing with a baby duck on it, the matching wash cloth glove thing, and some sleepers to match it. Carter's offers the best and cutest things for babies. I hope she loves it. I spent like $70 on it so she better. Baby stuff shouldn't be that expensive but they are so worth it. Anyway, I'm going to watch X2 and try to fall asleep. Later ya'll hope that your Turkey Day was hella good and that someone's hangover has faded.

Call me crazy

But I hallucinated and saw a Mercedes Benz of my very own in my garage parked next to my parents and poof I touched it and it is real. Yay me! I'm in love with my car. Pictures will be posted tomorrow.

Tricia, Samantha, and Susan you all still fucking rock my world. I miss you guys so much. It was great getting to see you all tonight. And if you could please tell Alesia that I said hello and I'd like to hear from her. Kisses and hugs

Fiddle de dee...

It's only 1:36 am and I have to be up at 6:30am to go to work. Insomnia sucks big fat hairy nuts. Please oh please let my lids feel the need to collapse soon. From your tired but can't sleep friend....

I wish it was good night ya'll

I will never doubt again

So I made this bargain with God that if I could get my Benz that I would not ask for anything for Christmas because I know that my parents really don't have the money. I also said I would cut down on smoking. No more cigarettes to and from work. And I'm cutting back from a pack a day to 10 if not less. So God has answered my prayers and I will never doubt him again. No matter what I have been through I've tried to believe that He was on my side and never got a result. Well finally He pulled through for me and I am forever indebted. I guess God finally thinks it is time that I have a break for a while. I had an excellent day at work and when I found out that my new 2004 C320 comes in tomorrow for pickup I knew He was watching over me. Don't think that I'm trying to press upon anyone my views but I'm just elated at the results today. I've been through a lot over the past three years to the point that I've held a gun to my mouth but now I know that no matter how hard life gets it is all worth it. It is thanks to my family and friends that I've made it these 23 years. I'd like to send shout out to Tricia, April, Faustus, David, Cyn, Phil, Angelo and especially Patrick (for at least acknowledging that I exist when I commented on his page and has emailed me. I would love to meet you and hopefully develop a friendship because you seem like a really brillant person that I could use as a friend in my life. And I'll take you for a ride in my Mercedes...and dinner and a movie my treat...not a date but just a way of saying thank you Patrick.) for allowing me access to their webblogs and sites because each day they are able to cheer me up and make me look forward to what the next day will bring.

So everyone new and old to me thanks for just being you.

Night ya'll

A nightmare waiting to happen

So as you all know I am a chickenshit when it comes to movies. I debated this afternoon if I was really prepared to see Gothika. April and I were down at the river with Darien so he could play for awhile. Well anyway, I wound up going to the movie this evening. Let me just tell you that I thought I was going to shit my pants. Oh but yes...I was scared by the Sixth Sense okay. The dead girl in this movie is totally going to visit me tonight I can tell and I'll have a heartattack and die. Remind me again why I subject myself to such torture? I think it's because I like dead people. After all, I've managed to communicate with several...if you know me you know about my friend Susan and the weird shit that happened with her mother. And then there is Bob. Enough said. Now I sound like a complete lunatic. Aside from that I've managed to eat a sausage patty and three tablespoons of macaroni and cheese. And for some odd reason I have cramps again. I think I've becoming the woman I always knew I could be. There is hope for me yet.

Night ya'll

P.S. And Manieka we so have to go see this movie this upcoming weekend and eat again at the Macaroni Grill. You get all the bread again. Oh and I bought (this is so surprising) the new Brittany Spears and Blink 182 CD's. I am totally a rockstar DJ.

Hell Yeah

Mommason let me drive the Benz today to see if I would like it. I'm in love. The Poppason is going to take my Jeep in tomorrow to get me my new 2004 C230. I shall call it Betty and she shall be mine. And we shall drive cross country together one day.

Reason number 5,548

I am a self-proclaimed "LOSER." No social life, no nothing of a life. The only life I have is a work life and aside from that is the life of solitary confinement. There has to be more than this. Or maybe life it just at a stand still now. I have no clue. I just know that life is boring at the moment. I'd like to think that I'll have the life I had when I worked at the casino. There was always something going on. Life wasn't so boring. I've have become dependant on other people's lives. Yes, I am using them to escape the stagnent pond I am currently living in. This morning I have managed to read Patrick's complete site. I found it quite amusing and even more interesting than most of the other journals I read. I have to say though that a lot I have read up to this point and time there reminds me of this past week. It is really scary. On Friday Cheryl won a gift certificate to Joann Fabrics. I asked her what she was going to make and she said curtains thus, leading to the outburst of The Sound of Music's Raindrops on roses. How does this tie into Patrick's journal you ask...look for the entry about his neighbor masturbating on the front porch. Example two...Starbucks...hello do I not have an addiction to the Venti Mocha Frappacino? I think so. The Starbuck's at work is about a block away so it is quite hard to resist. Example three, Patrick's mother ruins his first date...this didn't happen to me but the whole drug in food thing...yeah it happened and it was one of my stories for Cheryl on Friday. Manda R. at AB & C brought in Hash Crispy treats for Christmas two years ago. I spent the whole day babbling, munchin', and asking for more crispy treat. Maybe the things that I think and have happen aren't as "Close Encounters" as I thought they were. Finally, I can say I have read someone's journal that at least in fragments coorilates with things I have experienced. I've never had anyone masturbate outside my window but it could happen.

Aside from feeling self-pity for leading such the "non-glamorous" life I think that medication that quack of a doctor put me on that I had to stop taking because it caused me to vomit, be drowy, have migraines...(this reminds me of how I use clump fifty thoughts into one sentence.) has really messed up my appetite.

Thursday's menu:

A half of a turkey sandwich
A piece of chicken
Brocolli florets

Friday's menu:

A cup of Apple sauce
A cup of vegetable rice

Saturday's menu:

Egg sandwich
3 Chicken tenders

Yeah consider me quite the heffer. Maybe that's why I've managed to drop 25 lbs in about 2 weeks. Not that this is a bad thing. And people have even noticed. How exciting. People always used to tell me that I will get bigger and bigger if I keep not eating...well I think that's bullshit at this point. It's amazes me how people think people that have a little extra weight cause this by eating and being gluttons. Hello there that would not be me. I eat very little which I know is not good for my metabolism back then but now it seems to be doing something totally different. And my doctor is evil...always saying lose some weight. When I went to see him he didn't even acknowledge the 25 lbs that somehow disappeared. And why is it that doctor's never take into consideration the amount of muscle you also have. My legs remind me of tanks. They are enormous...not fatty big but muscular big. I would love to know what each one weighs. I never realized why the coaches in high school always wanted me to play football until now. So I will remain losing weight until I feel I've reached where I want to be. Please people don't think I'm this huge cow that takes up two seats on a plane...I'm just a big guy...I don't think I could ever be really thin or even look thin because Dr. Golden told me that my bone structure is above average. He said I could lose 5000 lbs but never be thin looking because I'm too thick in the bone structure department. See I knew cheese would do me good in the long run. So there goes the dreams of being an Abercrombie & Fitch model. I guess I'll have to settle for Big and Tall...eww...

And if you want to see something fucking hilarious please visit this link: Thong Song Hippo

Yeah whatevah...

My parents got a new car today. Anyone car to take a stab at what they are driving now? Hmm...could it be the car they told me I didn't need? Why fuck yeah. It's the Mercedes I've beening wanting now for a year. But the good news is that my father is taking my Jeep to trade it in this week. As long as the payment doesn't exceed $575 a month I'm cool with it. That is a lot of money for a car but I really love it. I want mine in black. Their's is silver. Please please let this go through for me...I won't ask for anything for Christmas I promise. Nothing except the ring my parents ordered for me. That is all just a ring and a new Benz. Is that too much to ask for?

I've decided that if my career as a bellydancer doesn't pay off that I could become an erotic poet. I have tons of little dirty thoughts built up in this mind. My new poem "Whisper" is quite dirty. While the language used doesn't seem must more than me babbling it deals a lot with having sex and the whole process. I am very proud of it. Make sure you check it out and tell me what you think. My Poetry Corner

Well I rented "The Gift" with Katie Holmes tonight so I'm going to watch it and try to get some rest because my damn back is hurting for sitting out by the bonfire tonight. Oh and Brittany's new CD is bangin. The song Toxic and Breathe on Me makes me want to do naughty things to people that are "hard up and horny." You know who you are.

Night ya'll

Liz Phair so rocks my world

Who else could sing about "Hot White Cum" and make it sound like a beauty product?

Give it to me, don't give it away
Don't think about what the others say
My skins getting clear, my hairs so bright
All you do is fuck me every day and night

You're my secret beauty routine
Na, na, na, na, what my body has seen
I am lookin' good and I'm feeling nice
Baby you're the best magazine advice

Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum

I'm gonna pull you back down between the sheets
Everything is fresher when the day is sweet
In the morning light when you're already on the phone

Face it, one of these days
Without you I'm just another Dorian Gray
It's the fountain of youth
It's the meaning of life
So hot, so sweet, so wet my appetite

Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum

Face it, one of these days
Without you I'm just another Dorian Gray
It's the fountain of youth
It's the meaning of life
Baby you're the best magazine advice

Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Gimme your hot white cum
Your hot white cum

Oh yeah baby I want to market it. And just think it doesn't take much to get it. April we have a new mission and that is to rob the nearest sperm bank. Yes we too shall become millionaires. I wonder if robbing a sperm bank is a crime? I mean it can all be replaced in a matter of a couple days right? Right. And to think of all that times I didn't save what Liz Phair considers a beauty product. Damn me to hell.

I love that fact that I can check my email when I go to work. Aside from that I spend all day reading blogs, checking my horoscope, keeping up on the news. The extra $15 a month is not a factor any longer. I use my fair share of the internet away from home. I was receiving mad emails today. Everytime I would check it I would have at least 7 emails. I felt for once to be "in demand."

And Patrick, thank you for the kind words left under this morning's entry. I am going to wash my blankets so they can be all warm from the dryer. But I'm feeling better. However, the cover idea is just too tempting considering it is cold out now. And the comment you left on Faustus' page you must remember that you have to take care of yourself sometimes. In the words of my best friend April "it is either feast or famine." So when a drought hits gratifying oneself is the best way to at least curve the illusive "frustration." I really need to stop talking about this because now I'm getting bad bad thoughts. And I don't need to get any more frustrated than I already am. I need to be alone now. But I'll keep you in my thoughts for a feast just remember to do the same in return.

Tricia we so need to have a sex toy party so I can at least dream a little dream. And when are we going out together. You have to go to H2O with me. Being the crazy woman you are maybe you can get me a date. And I'll bring them to the party. Your water must be toxic. Shit.

I want to start a colliation. Yes...really. However, it deals with public restrooms. The Colliation for Proper Use of Public Facilities. I hate public bathrooms and today just reinforced my reasoning behind this. It's the end of the day and I figure it would be safe to take a piss because there couldn't possibly be anyone in there. Wrong! Three people in a row taking the big flush. I thought my nose was going to permanently detach itself and runaway from the smell of shit and sour milk. And aside from the fumes that made me want to curl in the fetal position and die the sounds echoing from the stalls almost deafened me. How can you possibly shit louder than the toilet flushing? How? What did you eat for lunch? Don't do it again. So this weekend I'm buying air freshner and putting in the bathroom with the following note attached to each bottle:

"If you sit and take a shit, please be nice and spray me twice."

I'll have to do this when no one is in there of course. But I'm afraid to enter again. I might now make it out this time. I can only hold my breathe for so long. And the fact that you have to inhale through your mouth so you don't smell anything is the worst thought ever. But enough about shit.

Today some Spanish people were playing music and I was on break with Kim. We managed to flamingo dance. And I must say it was quite nice. If only Britney could see the potential I have as a dancer...she would die. Dancing doesn't come to everyone but to me it's a talent.

And I've got a new blog...it's not a journal...it's My Poetry Corner. I put a link in on the page to. I'm a pathetic and boring individual. God I hope I don't die alone with 50 cats at my side.

Well I've babble enough. It's time to go "Perculator" some coffee. Oh and last I had a Starbucks Mocha Frappacino today and it was complete ecstacy.

I feel so sorry for women

They totally get cramps every month. Me...I've got them now and would never wish upon my worst enemy (i.e. the feeling that they bring). God forbid I get period cramps. I really feel sorry for women especially those who get bad cramps. If I should happen to start bleeding from someplace I shouldn't I'm seeking professional help.

Yeah and I am so so over last night's little tantrum. But I could certainly use some more sleep considering it's only 5:17am. Well I'm going to finish Legally Blonde 2. Bruiser Woods, her Chihuahua, is gay and has a thing for pastel colors. You should see the skort she dresses him in...too cute.

Right to the Point

I am so fed up with everything. If I truly were courageous I would either o.d. on drugs or blow my fucking head off. And I sometimes wonder why people wind up killing people at work and blowing buildings up. Goddamn everything right now...I swear I am about to just implode. I'm am just tired of medical bills, living arrangements, my social life, and everything fucking other thing that life has to offer. But this all spurs from getting a call today that I owe an additional $1300 from my last surgery. Let's see now...this brings me to about $5000 or some odd dollars just in medical bills.

FUCK EVERY FUCKING THING UNTIL I GET PAID TOMORROW AND GO SHOPPING

Yeah...that's a problem too. But I'm starting to realize this. Oh and I'm proud of myself for not buying any drugs being under all this stress. Yay me for being clean and sober.

Just say it Tricia..."Quite your bitchin' Paul."

I have a feeling I've fucked shit up

Lord forgive me for trying to change my blogs appearance...but what was I to do after a year and a half?

I must be an exceptionally evil person

Because who else almost gets ran over by a Martin's bread truck and an UTZ potato chip truck in one day? Satan must have my number. I just hope it is the one I always use.

Today I look like a poet or a man going to a funeral. Choice of clothing:

1. Black khaki pants
2. Black socks
3. Black turtleneck sweater
4. Black Calvin Klein boxer-briefs

Yeah it's an overshare but I thought it was important you know everything matches. Even the hair on my head is black. Do I know how to accessorize or what?

So I should be at work right now but I took a half day to get accupunture done on my back. Unfortunately, the appointment was cancelled two days ago and I figured "Hell you already put in for the time off so let's just pretend that you went." I am not to syked about getting this done so maybe it's a sign that the appointment was cancelled.

And if a doctor ever tries to make you have surgery tell him "No" with a firm and aggressive tone. Because it will leave you broke when you start getting the aftermath of bills. I'm not broke but I could always use more money. Like the $80,000 the doctors have gotten from the insurance company wasn't enough they have to bill me. Such a little war mark for such an expensive hobby. Just tell the doctors you would prefer to be given narcotics for the duration of your life...it's cheaper and you feel better.

Well since I have time on my hands and I've managed to leave my book at work again I'm going to start "Blackwood Forrest." I'm hoping Claudia makes an appearance in this book like she did in Merrick. I really don't know how to follow a series. I like to jump from book one to book five and then read two, three, and four. Later ya'll.

Ugh...

I thought for awhile that sleeping and relaxing was starting to dominate my life several months ago. Now I wish I had those days back. It's one thing to be tired, yawning and what not but it is totally different to actually sleep a full night. I haven't done that for about 2 weeks now and I'm starting to think that my insomnia is coming back. I haven't had that since Freshman year of college. However, there has to be a plus side to going to bed at 12am waking up at 1am, asleep again from 145am until 230am, asleep from 300am until 412am, asleep from 500am until 527am I just haven't found it yet. Sure I get more time to get ready for work and can drink some coffee and read but I'd really just like one night's sleep. I don't even think I'm sleeping when I sleep...I think it's more like I catnap and that's it. Blast.

PEACE BE MINE
IN THIS SLEEPING TIME
DREAMS BE SWEET
ALLOW ME SLEEP

Lord give me the strength

To not smother my parents tonight as they sleep. God leave me alone while I'm reading. I mean my clothes arrived but damn so things are just more important right now. I really need to get out of here...when the medical bills are paid I will own a mansion all too myself unless of course I get married within the next century. I can picture it now...me on the front porch of my house alone with cats and I'm steadily sneezing due to the allergy. And then I go to rock in my rocker fall out of it and break a hip and die for the sheer pleasure of not being bound to a walker. I need to shut up.

Swiftly did not come soon enough

Per the entry below you can see that I wanted with everything that I am for this day to be over swiftly. Well no one answered the prayer. Why did I even bother? Excuse me for thinking a miracle could happen. It must be the brat in me that thought TinkerBell would come to my rescue but alas, the little green whore didn't. Damn her and Peter too!

How long has it been now? Um let me see? I think around 5 or 6 months and my D&G sandals still are on backorder. I have a feeling that I shall never get them. I could resist wearing them until the spring or summer. However, if it should happen to get warm out again, which I'm seriously doubting due to the current weather situation I would then infact, wear them. They are so me and I know I would love them if only I had the chance. If I had the picture I would put them on the blog but I've misplaced the address. See TinkerBell you have fucked up royally this time now you will perish. Whore.

Today at work I managed to cut, file, and buff my nails. This is a weekly ritual of course. Now my nails are beautiful and all shiny without all that clear polish mess. I am proud of them. Though I could never be a hand model I'd like to think there is still hope in the eye model department. Mess this dream up TinkerBell and I'll definetly have to cut you. You mini-gerkin.

I've surprised myself lately with my journal entries. They are becoming more and more organized and to the point. Maybe it was the drugs I don't know but my head is a lot clearer these days. Again big yay me.

So...I thought that I could not possibly become more addicted to blogs than I already am but I learning daily as I check the blogs from my phone that I've caught the blog bug. The daily ritual is that I wake up, check the blogs I read, get ready for work, work, come home and check the blogs, and then watch tv or read, and then you guessed it...check em' again. But when you have reading material such as Faustus' blog, Search for Love how can you possibly resist. And Angelo's blog The Pennylane Journals has me rolling. If only he would post more.

Well besides everything else going on in the world like Michael Jackson having Neverland raided by the FBI again I read at FoxNews the results of Aaliyah's autopsy. I have to say that I'd rather the information never have been published because whoever wrote the opening line isn't very empathetic. I will keep the thought that she died on impact and did not suffer and that's how it will be. I think and autopsy should be kept private. Yes I did read it but it was there so what was I to do? In the words of Cher "if I could turn back time" I would have skipped the information.

Well it's time for a shower and movie since I left Tale of the Body Thief at work. I think tonight calls for Too Wong Foo or something lighthearted and full of queens.

Here are some things to read before bed...





By the way this one is actual giftwrap you can purchase online:

Good Combination

Loaded rifle + my head = sleep = that which I am currently lacking = no fun at work = long day = death without suicide.

Oh but please if there is a God let this day end swiftly.

Could I be anymore Queer?

Yeah I admit it...I went to a Home Interior party tonight. I enjoyed it. And yes there was a $60 purchase of shit I have no clue where to put. But that doesn't matter because I'm a shopoholic and the world is mine to purchase. Within reason of course. The best purchase of the night were these plaques that are inscribed with William Shakepeare quotes from his sonnets. I'm in love with them and they too shall be mine.

Anyway, I am so ready to get married. You are probably asking "What has brought this about?" Well I really can't say but trust me I'd be willing to get married if the opportunity arose. I'm just waiting to be proposed to that's all. I'm more about being dominated in situations like this. Plus I could just imagine with a combined income all the decorating and shopping I could do. So if you want pop the question we don't even have to know each other but your initials should be P.D. because you said you were looking to get married as well. Ah the suspense.

But other than buying home decorating supplies this evening I went clothes shopping. Who me? No way? Yeah, I did. I got a new long sleeve Timbaland shirt, a cream and brown SouthPole sweater, a black turtle neck SouthPole sweater, and a light grey turtle neck SouthPole sweater. Add this to the clothes that I ordered on Sunday from Old Navy: pine and merlot ribbed long sleeve shirts, another black turtleneck sweater, a rust turtleneck sweater, a pair of gray fleece pants, khaki and sand shorts, a long sleeve shirt with some surf logo on it, and several tee shirts...you can see that I am clearly an addict. Now only the addiction is to clothes...not drugs! Yay me!

I must say that I look cute in the Timbaland shirt and it brings out the blue in my eyes...not that they aren't blue without it. I paid for the colored contacts so I claim the blue is natural. Just like the blonde hair I know is deep down inside wanting to show itself. But for now I'll have to settle for black hair and blue eyes during the day and hazel at night (when the contacts are out if you're not keeping up with the program).

In case any of you haven't noticed I'm trying to change my writing style. I am getting a little bored with the spastic thought writing process. So I am trying to use paragraphs and complete my thoughts the best that I can. So do you think I'm doing a good job or what?

Quote of the Day

"Missy Elliott is in everything these days April. I mean she in my pants right now you just can't see her."

Feeling inspired by the new music that MTV has provided I decided that I needed it. And so I got it. Hmm...being a part-time pirate is quite rewarding. Afterall I did bring a smile to many people's faces today when I played them "Gay Boyfriend" by the Ukes of Hazzard. It's sad that I know the words to the song already and I just discovered it on Faustus' website. If you haven't viewed the video yet look at the link from a couple days ago. I have to say that the song really is wonderful and should be an anthem for all faghags across the world. Anyway, I decided at 8am this morning an oldie but goodie would be quite nice...hence the repetition of "It's time for the Perculator" blaring from Cheryl and I's cubies. And little did I know but Cheryl felt the rhythm just as much as I did. Fuck all the other bullshit...(this is in reference to work)...we wanna party and dance. Yeah...and that happened all day long. I even surprised myself my doing some Hindi dancing to "Milkshake" by Kelis and "Indian Flute" by Timbaland and Magoo. Esther wanted me to show her the perculator and I busted out a little. But Cheryl got the full effect. Cheryl's quote of the day is "Between the fat and cigarettes I think I'm done trying to keep up with you." I even broke a sweat at work today...not that it was from working but it happened there so it counts as working extra hard. But between two insurance companies I managed to save them $11,000. Last week was around $5000. So yeah I do manage to do some work.

I get the MRI on my brain this Saturday. Maybe they can prove to the world that I do have a brain. If not then consider me "Stem Boy" because that's probably what I've been living off of for 23 years. Having said that I told April I think the people I work with take random hits of acid daily however, I'm still tripping off that one hit from a couple of years ago. Between the acid and ecstacy I'm permanently tripping and rolling for life. It's good to know that I haven't fell yet or broke anything rolling about daily. Today life was good.

Poetry time my children:

Big Booty Hoe

Big Booty Hoes are neat,
They keep their hair did,
And polish on their feet.

Big Booty Hoes can be a slut,
Open for business,
Just to sell some butt.

Big Booty Hoes are all the rave,
Living the high life,
Never in a stark cold cave.

Big Booty Hoes are just like you and me,
Bitchy, slutty, gold-diggin tramps,
We're all the same you see.

Big Booty Hoes remind me of your dad,
He wanted, couldn't get
Using his hand the only tool he had.

Big Booty Hoes remind me of yo' momma,
Shh don't tell yo' poppa,
I fucked her I don't need the drama.

Big Booty Hoes should rule the earth,
Busting, stiffening, hardening,
All men's girth.

Big Booty Hoes are so divine,
Come here baby,
I've made you mine.

Classmates.com

I'm totally addicted to this website now that my cousin Donna sent me there. But the bad thing is is that to get all the benefits you have to become a gold member which is like $40. And I found out that a certain someone is registered there with email address and all but I can't email her until I get the membership. I'm under scrunity by myself trying to figure out if it will be worth it or not. I mean there are other people that I could email, not just her. Anyway.

My father asks last night "So where did you and April go Friday night while you were in Hagerstown? Not that Gay Bar again?" And I replied "No we went to some other bar I can't remember the name of it." Then my mother asks me this morning "You and April went back there didn't you?" Me in response to all the fucking drama over a damn bar "But of course we did mama!" As a matter of fact we hit several bars Friday night but all the others were boring. At least H2O had awesome music and a well maintained pooltable. Oh and the maniquins that line the dancefloor are absolutely fabulous! Especially when the one guy danced with it and grabbed it's boob. The things people do when they are intoxicated. Sexually harassing a plastic oversized barbie without a head? Come on. I can't wait to go again.

Anywho, I keep on forgetting to send in my letter for a LOA from Shepherd for last semester when I had to have back surgery. I've got to get on the ball and finish that...yeah because that is important. I can't wait to graduate...if it should ever happen. I've got to get my ass on the ball and get ready to start Strayer in January. Financial aid is the first step since it's way more that a thousand dollars a class without books. I usually pay cash to go to Shepherd but Strayer is a whole different ballgame.

Oh and besides graduating college within the next century I no have a list of goals to accomplish short term (30 days) or before death which ever comes first:

1. Change my last name to Hohenadel...could you just imagine Paul Hohenadel and my initial aren't affected PCWH!!!
2. When I acquire the new last name learn to yodel...lay he...ha..ha.
3. Learn to bellydance with Cheryl and April
4. Discover a new species of plant, animal, vegetable, or mineral and be extremely rich like the girls on MTV's Rich Girls. And have the title archeologist added to my list.
5. After I have all the money that I want get liposuction and be a supermodel for Gucci or Isaac Mizrahi. And also be an eyemodel since my eyes are gorgeous.

And last...

6. Know the truth to if Britney Spears actually sings or lip sinks...she claims she sings live but I think it's a crock-o-shit considering I saw her in concert and it was way way way too perfect.

Get over yourself...you stupid fuck up

Let's just be honest Mr. Insecurity
Lacking all things especially purity.

Constantly ragging on others in society
Shut the fuck up and listen quietly.

You are no better than her or I
Get the fuck over youself don't think to cry.

Friendship, love, whatever you think
Being honest, forgiving, caring is your missing link.

One day it will all come back by the power of three
One here, two there, diseased don't turn to me.

Trust you oh but not on your last breath
Sometimes I see you and wish only death.

How can you be who you are but hate them so much
God you annoy me like fire to the touch.

No future in society with you being you
Open your mind and start anew.

But it won't happen you fucking bastard
Your life is going to be one big disaster.

And to think I even devoted sometime
Insult to injury to me was the crime.

If I could there would be poison in your cup
Get over yourself...you stupid fuck up.

Through the looking glass

Slit my wrist
Drain me, bleed me, end me.

I haven't the courage to
You are the answer to my peace.

Find me hiding here
Deep within the forbidden city.

Touch not the fruit of knowledge
Allow this knowledge to show you the way.

Forge within me the markings of the latter
Make all new come to an end.

Show me the way to my salvation
It was lost within when self disappeared.

Crave the path that shows no emotion
Lend me your ear and the steel of you.

Pressed against all that was ever known
On the other side of the looking glass.

Ah...tonight at H2O was wonderful. Let the happiness reign and the cowboy hat appear for a second time. Yee haw motherfucker.

Wee Hah...and a big fuck you

Question: Why can't people be more like me and my friends? evil and lacking morals? mean and testy? bitchy and proud? inner divas with decorating and fashion knowledge far more superior to that of Isaac Mizrahi or Heatherett? all of the above?

I think if people would get their heads out of their asses since they think their shit doesn't stink the world would be a fucking mecca of happiness. And it seems to me through much research in the bad supervisor department that most supervisors seem to accommodate their huge and bloated heads quite well. Get a fucking bottle opener and crack open the can of shit you are packing and maybe you would be a better person. Incase you are wondering yeah my new supervisor is a prudish dick at least he is starting to be. He is so uptight that I balls in the back of his throat when he talks to me...that must really hurt? And he dresses in tacky sweaters...like baby blue and white with snowflakes...hello...I think I may faint from the ugly factor and Cheryl understands totally. Oh yeah and his hair is black with a white stripe in the front...can we say Peppy? I want to be him for Halloween but I'm afraid of the fashion consequences...I mean go to the mall much?

But I'm going out tonight...it will be fun...there will be much drunkiness and sloppy speech with massive cussing...I'll will enjoy!

A must see

So I went to Faustus' blog this morning and here is a link that was there so I imported it here...please watch this video...I think it if fucking hilarious!!

Ukes of Hazzard Debut Video

Blow Me

So this one time I was driving down the road and it was extremely windy out and I thought my Jeep was going to fall apart...and it just happened to be today. Damn has it been nothing but windy. It even threw a hawk for a loop and knocked it off balance and it almost crashed into my windshield. But previous to that I almost ran over someone while backing out of the gas station today. I laughed at the bird...cussed at the woman. I think I am a sensitive and responsible driver...don't you? Remember STOP signs outlined in white are optional!!

Fear of You

Lying in this bed again
A million miles between us.

Strangers not to oneself
But to the other an uncharted world.

If it is thought right then so be it
If not then what will happen after tonight?

Happiness is found in closeness
But sadness becomes the common denominator.

A world apart from the norm you see
That is as far as they see not past their insecurities.

Speak not loosely keep it hidden
Let only I be the muse to the voice that is calling.

Closeness, emotion, lack of trust, hate
The outside world is always there.

Ideals filtering and processing not soon after
Keeping the distance between.

Admiration, mimickery, trust, love all repeated
Pity, blame, emptiness, loss of self emerge.

Without the id or I found inside
There is no fear of you.

The Change

It appeared, or seemed to appear as a sheet,
White as the falling snow on a seemingly perfect Christmas Eve.
Creeping and sliding it found the way to her mind,
Like a virus it began to spread engulfing her spirit.

Her life appeared, or seemed to appear as the sheet,
Hanging from the line yearning to be with the others.
On the outside there lived a masque with several faces,
None of these the one that actually displayed her beauty.

It appeared, or seemed to appear that life could get any better,
Stuck in the cracks of a washed out road it lay dormit.
But what if there was the one possiblity for change?
The chance to change the crack into a beautiful path?

It appeared, or seemed to appear a wonderous thought,
Filled with all the goodness and richness of a queen.
But who knows yourself better than yourself?
And who excepts that change of its first visit?

Black

Strutting across the tin roof with the grace of a dancer,
She had a mission.

Eyes of the goldest sun were entranced on the mind,
She saw her mission.

A burst of tingles swept throughout her body,
She felt her mission.

Creeping to the well lit door as fast as light,
She visualized her mission.

Entering the room with happiness,
She found her mission.

Echoing with delight to the black haired figure,
She conquered her mission.

So what do we think of these two poems? I wrote them 8-15-00 and it's about time that I shared them. I really like the first one because it tells a lot about myself and my emotions. Poetry is so rewarding...i think the reward really comes when you are able to share your poetry. I don't share much of my own because a lot of it is best left unsaid to others because it's pretty painful stuff that I'm not ready to let go of yet. Anyway...the second is just a fun little poem about a cat coming home to her owner. Hope you enjoy.

God I just babble. This is a pretty long entry. And prayers to Cheryl's grandson Austin who has to have tests ran on his heart. He is only four so keep him in your prayers. He has to have an EP test done soon which is a cathader in your heart.

Night ya'll

Sometimes...

When I'm all alone I think dirty thoughts and touch myself! Ooh..you bad bad white boy. It's amazing to me how self gratification can be so rewarding. It's like I have no one to answer to but myself. And if something should come up and I have an STD at least I know I got it from myself...right? Right! Anyway, work went way good today. I was so impressed with myself that I said allowed "I can't believe how happy I make me." I've come to realize that I am extemely vain and I do think that song is about me. But there is nothing wrong with having high respect for oneself. Now if I start talking in third person then maybe there is a problem.

When life hands you a lemon you trade it in on another car from the dealership. My parents new 2004 Solara is so not working right now. Everytime the dealership fixes the front end alignment or say they have it doesn't work. My mother is going all crazy over the Lemon Law. So I've been researching that on top of other things. The Lemon Law is quite interesting though I must admit. I read several pages of it so far. Okay...did I just admit that outloud and on paper because if so deem me the "dork" of the day. Well I'm off to get some dinner since I had to fix it because my mother had to go pick my father up from the dealership tonight. God I sound like a whiney teenager and I'm 23. I seriously need to take up not mentioning my parents soo much because it might seem that I depend on them and I don't want people to ever get that impression! Agh! Those of you who know me keep your comments to yourself!! I mean it.

Bring on the warm and toasty

It's quite cold outside for a change. Finally the weather is getting cold and not hot and cold and cold and hot. It needs to stay one damn way because my sinus's are driving me absolutely buggy. I keep getting dizzy spells because my head is all clogged and what not. I got home from Baltimore about three hours ago. I really like my grandmother's new furniture. It is much more modern that I thought she would go for. Plus a lot more stuffier and bigger than I thought she would go for. And the colors are way darker. But she's been changing things here lately...scary she is actually painting her toenails red and her fingernails red...usually they are a granny pearl color. I love spending the weekend with my grandparents. Although Saturday I felt like complete shit and so do my Granny so we didn't see much of each other but more of the bed. But Friday night we talked up a storm. It was like two old friends reunited after 10 years. I'm going back down next weekend. I really enjoy spending time with my grandmother. She makes me laugh. And my Pop pop makes me laugh when he makes her mad. It's the greatest. It's almost like a soap opera but without all the nice looking people, money and sex. It's the geriatric version of "As the World Turns." And I love every minute of it.

My life so resembles a Danielle Steele novel

Without all the romance and good looking lovers. But there is all kinds of impairments and life threatening situations and blah blah blah. Anyway, so I have to have an MRI done on the dome just to check for a tumor. We think that it's this medicine that is making me sick it's called...I can't remember the name of it. I really cannot think of it. Anyway. I get to have my first blood work test thing done as well to test for everything. I am getting checked for all the Heppa's and Hiv's and all the STD's. Not that there is any reason that I should have any of them. I am happy to report at amends have been made between "you" and I. I am so happy I don't know what to do with myself. I can't wait to see him. If you don't know who it is oh well. It is a him though. I can't just keep typing you because it would start to sound weird. And I am totally rockin' a new rat tomorrow or next Wednesday because I feel it is my responsiblity to make Baby Girl a lesbian. Yay rat lesbians!!!

Good night ya'll!!

For some reason I think things are going to get worse...

So on my way to work today I get this weird feeling. Not like happy joy joy...but like I don't feel really good...pass out in the middle of 340 weird feeling. I have to pull over on the side of the road. I had to wind up calling in because I couldn't make it in. There was just no way. I have a really bad headache. Who me? I have had a headache every morning for the past month. Plus some other things I've noticed are changing. So here it is 11:24am and I've decided to look up symptoms of brain cancer. Something tells me that this is a pretty valid disease considering what I've been experiencing lately. My vision is getting worse, my headaches are getting worse, I am nautious all the time, I vomit almost every morning, my motor skills are going for shit(my typing sucks anymore), I am dizzy a lot, and I get numbness in my legs and arms (but that could be from my back surgery). Gee...out of the like 10 symptoms they had listed I met like almost all of them. Yay me! I know that it's not something to make fun of but it would be my luck to have brain cancer. Wouldn't it? I mean I am one of the meanest people I know so I guess I would deserve it? So I have to tell my mother tonight that I need to make an appointment to see an oncologist to find out what the hell is wrong with my head...I've been thinking this for like a month now so it's nothing new...I just hope that I'm wrong because I really don't want to have to go through something like this. Like back surgery wasn't enough.

Just between me and you...

Halloween was a bust this year. Aside from being Mimi from Drew Carey and winning the costume contest at work yesterday was boring. Although Rose did come up last night (she's my aunt) and we watched Willard. Which I must say that I throughly enjoyed considering I love rats. Socrates the one rat in the movie is sooo adorable. That's why I've decided that on Wednesday I shall get another rat. Baby Girl needs a friend and it's only fair that I provide the best for her. Right? I wish I hadn't shaved my moustache, but I know that it will grow back. I missed my appointment for Strayer University today...oops. I hit the off button on the alarm clock instead of the snooze button and didn't get up until 3 this afternoon. That's why it's never good to take four sleeping pills I guess because you always over sleep. So now I have to email the admissions woman with my reason. I feel like such an ass. Anyway, I've got to get ready to take the movie back and find another to watch tonight.

Check out the new site: Upside-Down Hippopotamus

And just between me and you....I'm starting not to let it bother me as much. Try to figure that one out....