Well I've yet to head out to work yet! I had to come back and share somemore ideas. Has anyone ever told you that you needed an attitude adjustment? Well I've heard that tons of times. You can't just hit the red button that says "attitude on/off." If we could we would all be like Sally Struthers "Do you need more money?" or like Barney on ecstacy! "Super de dooper" Gotta go being called away to down loading heaven!

Well I had a migrane...as soon as I got up! What's up with that? How do you sleep and wake up with a headache? Like you had trauma to the head in a dream. Picture it: I running after one of those baywatch babes (you know that run boobs flop up and down and they are in slow motion) and I trip on a sand castle and hit my head on a boulder. That's what caused my migrane. I knew I could figure it out. Whatever. I just love music!! It is like so musical. I love all types of music. Yes I can appreciate almost any type of music. I love R&B, Rap, Go-Go, Big band, Classical, Alternative, Ska, and a little bit er country! I just like jam out in the car...it's like I have my own club that follows me wherever I go. I just jam! Jammy Jam to Jams in the Jeep! All I need is a strobe light and a disco ball! Curb side service would never be the same. Insta-club or crubb like Khia says in My Neck My Back. I do have rythm though for a white guy. Hello ask all my friends I can break it down to like anything. I'm the freak in freaky! What up Amanda! Remember the cage at Exhale....whoooohooo! I know April and Billy do.* (*They are my closest friends outside of work). Wouldn't it be great if we could like dance at work...instead of a spa they should have a dance floor to relieve our stress. I'd be so thin! Go Paul Go Paul it's your birthday! Shake what yo mama gave ya! Big Booty Boy hump wit it! What up Keeva! I feel like today is a shout out day. Not a shout it out day like the detergent but a "hey I have to say hello to everybody because I feel like it" day. I feel like puky today! The migrane is like throbbing trying to come back I know it. I can feel it knocking on my brian. Mr. Migrane: Knock...knock! Me: No you just went away! Why do you have to visit twice in the same day? Mr. Migrane: Because I have to meet my quota it's the last day of the month. Two migranes a month. Me: Oh like the police quota! I get it...go ahead come again! I don't want you to be unemployed. IBPROFIN time! I think that I have become immune to any type of headache, backache, nerve ache, ass ache, toenail ache, invisible ache, fake ache because I used to pop like five hundred pills a day before I had back surgery! I can't believe how much I can write. It's amazing! Well I'll write later again tonight if I feel better I feel the head ache coming back. Later to all the shout out peoples of the day!! R EV WAH! (or however it's spelled)! Hello I'm not French!

Hello again. I'll have to make this a short entry because I'm tired and have to finish watching gone with the wind. I want to send a shout out to all my people at work. I know that times get rough and we all get on each other's nerves but I'm hoping that we all share the commom bond of friendship. I enjoy everyone I work with though at times I feel like I can't take anymore. It's more or less the job not the people. Lord this is a twist compared to what I usually write. I have a special message for certain people at my work that I would like to share with whom ever reads my journal. Ms. Pat: You are just like a mom or grandma to me. I love your laugh. It could charm the smarts right out of a person. Monique: You are the bomb baby! You are the light at the end of the tunnel when my day has gone bad! You prove laughter is the best medicine. Laura: While we really didn't get along too well at the beginning I really have grown to adore you. Your quirky sense of humor and the ability to respect me even when I don't need to be respected. Susan: You know more than anyone how appreciative I am of you. You keep me in line and my nose clean (this is figurative not a literal statement. A tough but loving person. Samantha: Whoa girl! Lots of love for you. You as well keep me in the right state of mind. You are a shoulder I can lean on whenever I feel the need...thanks!! Susie: Can we say "Big little Mermaid"...well I shouldn't but I will. You are the knowledge that I can run to if I ever have a question. You hold a lot more knowledge than most people do. Constance: Love for you madly. You try to get me smilin everyday. You try to point out the best in me. Would kill for your smile. Josetta: A constant reminder of the sassyness in me. You are hiliarous. "Oh I know they didn't" is the only thing I think of when I think of you...he...he...he! Denise: You are the constant reminder of me and who I am. Funny...serious...but always willing to adapt to the situation. Are you sure we aren't twins? I know that all of this sounds corny but I'm trying to look for the good in everyone. Hope that if you view my journal you get a smile on your face because that's why I'm here on earth. At least I think that's why. To keep people smiling! I hope we can all learn to find the little things that make each of us unique and work from there. But anyways! Don't you ever wish that you could be wisked away to some foreign place! I do. I want to go back to Hawaii...shut up it's not foreign but close enough. I also wish that there were more food choices. I'm running out of ideas on what to eat. Hello...fat here...have tried almost everything that's eatable*. (*eatable=is now a word if it wasn't before...combines eat and table so it's extra special). Well I've gotta go watch Gone With the Wind! Love that movie! No stories from the Twilight Phone tonite...guess the wires have relocated to someone else's phone. Until next time when my uncle is not sleeping in the basement and I can be in a more "to infinity and beyond" mood. That is for you Barb! In Memory of Robbie. Happy birthday Bert...it's only two days away! And I leave you with a person who demonstrates courage and strength to no end!

Hello again. I have this burning issue to discuss tonight. So my mother accidently washed my $300 dollar Ralph Lauren down comforter and it mildewed because she accidently left it in the washer. All is forgiven. I'm still holding on to the time she bleached my $100 orange Kenneth Cole top that I waited forever to get. But anyway, I've decided to learn from this accident and provide everyone with information regarding the care of a goose or geese. Care Rules: 1)don't leave your goose in the washer for like three days...he will mildew. Feathers cannot lose that raunchy smell. 2)if you have a goose make sure that he is not named Ralph or Lauren because that can only mean that the recovery bill that you may have to pay will be expense...say $300 3)never leave your goose unattended...he may come around to bite you in the ass. 4)always remember to correct your goose with a wire hanger...yes a wire hanger. He will be very afraid and never disobey you again.* (*Disclaimer: Due to the use of wire hangers any and all references may invoke the spirit of Joan Crawford leading to the death of the goose by reason of wire beating) That is all the care instructions that I have. Anyway! Today Constance...a friend of mine...hello Constance...tells me that I am losing weight in my face. I think that I may have something wrong with me. Generally when I eat the result is 10lbs that are well deserved. What is up? Can't a fat person get a little fatter. Kidding. Moving on to more important matters is that of the dreaded Twilight phone. Yes it has come back to haunt me again. Last night I forgot to tell you (like I know who all the you's are out there) that I had a strange call from this German Lady. The call went something like this...here we go! Me: Hello and thank you for calling ********...this is Paul how may I help you? German Lady: Oh yes it's past twelve o'clock isn't it? Me: Yeah! It's like 12:38am. German Lady: That means it is now Saturday right? Me: I was always told that it turned the next day at midnight. German Lady: Well thanks for clarifying that for me...the next day will be Sunday right? Me: Yeah! Saturday is before Sunday. Goodbye! WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO SAY: Don't you own a clock? calendar? something that tells you what day it is? Well then write in on your forehead backwards and look in a mirror...that is if you can see through the cloud of stupid you've created. Have a great Saturday at 12:38am! Goodbye! Hello get a clue! Is it just me or does the planet contain a virus that infects people who call catalog phone numbers? It's like the lines at work have relocated to a new position and all calls that require a psychiatrist come directly to me!! Man what I would do for the money they make! Instead of the truth.com always advertising about smoking killing people they need to do some work on stupid people talking smarter people to death. Here is the ad logo: Everyday stupid are dialing. Its become a plague. Be afraid to answer your phone. That about covers it!! Stupid+phone=death!! I wish that the opening messages of all of our clients said: Thank you for calling ****** if you are stupid, hard of hearing, have a complaint, or are just calling in for no reason please press flash on your phone to be directed to the appropriate location. Where are they directed...yep you guessed it to the dial tone!! I bet that people would do it!! Well anywho I need to leave and take a bath/shower to perk up a little more to watch Gone With the Wind!! Until tomorrow!! Love, peace and hair grease!! Paul

Hello again! I only have like twenty minutes before I have to get ready for work. Today should be an easy day....acting supervisor on weekends. I feel that I should get paid more because hello I'm the actor. Okay here is the question for the day. Have you ever wondered if there is some god or demon that exists purely to torture you. Well I think that there is. The god or demon that likes to torture me is the God of "Putsalotofpressure." He awakens almost everyday to put massive amounts of pressure on me so that I just want to scream or go take a relaxing hot shower. But then there is the God of the Twilight Phone who knows that I am on the phone all day at work and that the only time I have off the phone is when I am at home, in bed, or driving. Well he is starting to infect everything. I try to get enough sleep for the entire nation everynight even though it doesn't work out that way. And damned it here comes the God of the Twilight Phone. Here is a typical situation with twilight phone outside of work...ready..go! Me: ZZzZZzz Phone: Ring...ring...ring...ring...ring Me: Oh man. Who is calling? Hello? Phone: Hi this is Britney from AT&T and I was just.... Me: Excuse me I didn't ask for your service goodbye. You know the people that do outbound calling should really remember call during 9am-5pm...cause that's when everyone is at work. But I will get like four hundred calls a day. One time I actually counted the amount of calls that came in when I was dead tired 77 calls in like four hours. Hello!! So I no have the phones hidden throughout the house and my ringer is turned off. Never with wire hangers...rememeber that piece of advice. Joan Crawford? You know Mommy Dearest? Well that is today's moral of the whole damned story. Never with wire hangers. Reason one: never use a wire hanger to unlock you car doors...it will only lead to a broke lock. Reason Two: Don't let you kids play with wire hangers...will lead to a huge doctor's bill for having to get it out of the child's mouth Reason Three or The only other reason I could think of: Don't use wire hangers on clothing 1) may rust and cause rust spots on your clothing 2) can easily snag that expensive shirt or pants 3) just because and 4) Joan Crawford will yell at you "Never with wire hangers...never...never!" Hey it could happen!! Well gotta go fix some lunch in 6 mins to head of to work!! Enjoy the day or what's left of it! Toodle Fanoodle!! Paul

Well it is like 2:26 a.m. and I am still on the computer. Have you ever wondered if the education system is defunct. Like bankrupt? All the teachers are just government employees who act like they know what they are doing. Well I do. I talk to at least 80 people a day and my Lord do most of them seem like they crawled right out of "Deliverence." Uh..duh...what? Hello check your damn hearing aid. Is the battery on low or has it modeled to your brain and caused a chemical imbalance shifting you to side "stupid." Whatever. I came up with this new quote. Forrest Gump always seem to inspire me out of the blue....here it goes. "Sex is like a box of chocolates...you keep pushing until you get a cherry." Whoa...hold up that is nasty. But wait...what is that? Applause coming from the rafters! Score one for Paul! Sometimes I think that I am crazy and then I just remember that everyone has a bit of craziness to them. Hello Tricia!! Were do we work!! You have to be insane to actually suppport that. Most of the people we (me and Tricia) work with are these old 90 year old half breathing, wrinkled, hard of hearing, can't talk, can't remember elderly people. Hey I'll be there one day. But I realize that I don't want to make people suffer that work at a call center so I'll shop at WalMart if I need anything. Here is a quick adventure of the twilight phone. Me: What was that again? Mrs. Customer: I noticed that since I've been using your product that the flax seed is making my breasts firmer and bigger. What do you think could be causing that? Me: I don't know ma'am...let me check for you. WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO SAY: Listen here ma'am you are like older than the world you should be glad that your boobs are regaining the 20 yr. old placement. Maybe the flax is making your skin tighter. Be thankful and keep using the flax maybe you'll end up in your 20's again. Don't question what can't be answered by a man. Especially one who doesn't know anything about flax seed and its effect on the female breast. Can you say whoa! That was an actual call minus what I really wanted to say. That is the first adventure of many to come from the "Twilight phone." Check back later for reoccuring episodes. Later!!