Bastard

So you all know about the alien that a lot of us have a work. So I come home and Aaliyah's boyfriend is all chatty and wants to talk over the phone. Incase you don't know...Aaliyah is my alien. So I'm like shit how can I make this happen. Boyfriend's name is #1 Stunna. So I recruit my friend April to talk to him. We meet after I get off work later that night and she calls. He is all like let me call you back when I get a shower and April was like no I'll call you back. So she did and I'm guessing it was either his girlfriend or mother that was answering the phone the first time because each time after that we got hung up on. He is supposedly 18 or 19...but he is a pussy. So if anyone wants to call him I have the number and he lives in Ft. Lauderdale Florida. Here is his number...please feel free to call and harass him for being so rude to April...954-964-9798. But don't mention who you are just torture him. But it was absolutely hilarious because he broke up with Aaliyah today. Bastard...who does he think he is...anyway I've got the digits and I'm sharing. Ha...ha...ha....April and I got broken up with by an alien and he was to pussy to talk to her. The only bad thing is is that Aaliyah Alien dated him for 30 days...that is pretty long. You know. But April, Aaliyah and I will move on to bigger and better "dick" as April said. She can have the dick I just want the fun of being so sneaky. Anyway...not going into work today. The backage is out so I'm not even trying. Goin to the doctor's tomorrow...yippy ky aye!! Later...from the broken hearts of April, Aaliyah, and Paul....#1 Stunna is missin' out on it all.

Cabin Fever

I think that cabin fever is starting to set in.....I'm going to go insane. But I'm already insane so can you go insaner?

Better off being alone

So I finally decide that I need to open my heart to people more and let them a little closer. Well that was my 450th mistake of the decade. So why is it that when I decide to try to become a more open person that the door gets closed right in my face. I've decided that I am better off being alone. I mean I'll have my family, April and Amanda but as for that I'm going to have to distance myself from a lot of other people. Constance, Angel, and Sarah please don't take this the wrong way...you three are still my homegirls for life. But I've decided that my heart is going to remain permanently closed...vacant..dormant. I've had it with being Mr. Nice all the time without even asking for anything in return. What I do get in return is attitude, snide remarks, and sometimes even extremely hurtful things said to me. Sometimes I wish that I didn't exist because I'm the person that will always be on the outside looking in. When I finally start to share myself with people it's like I'm judged, call a freak, or even worse. I have many layers to my personality that I would love to share with people but I've come to the conclusion that these layers will stay permanently bond for only me to know and understand. Have you ever wished that for one day people could experience what it is like to be you? Well I have...actually I've wished that I could be someone totally different on a regular basis. I'd love to escape from my own reality into some better reality where I'm actually accepted and not seen as a nuisance. My heart is so full of pain that I feel it will give out on me sooner than anyone expects. It sometimes eats me alive to think of certain things that have happened to me and still continue to happen. I'd love to have a family one day and you know it may happen but I'll still think I would be better off alone. Alone is a place where I find comfort and stability. It's where I learn the most about myself and about who I truly am. I'm not the person that people see me for because everyday I wear a masque that hides the true me and that's how it will always be. I've always hid behind masques like I'm on an extended trip to a Masquerade Ball. I'm not only 3 dimensional emotionally but probably 100th dimensional. Being silly is my way of dealing with everyday life. Again I do believe that God has blessed me with the talent to make people smile...even if it is only for a second but I wish that I got something that I enjoyed in return at least once. Granted that I do have a lot to be thankful for in most part to my family...especially my mother and father but the only thing that I truly want above all things is peace. Peace with myself to accept that I will be the person who grows old and dies alone. But I've come to realize that alone is a comfort that not many people have been able to master. Love Paul

Back to the drawing board

So yeah my back is off the hook right now. I'd give anything to live a normal day again where my back wasn't an issue. Not being able to sleep is really starting to piss me off. I know a lot of you are probably tired of hearing me talk about my back problems so I've resorted to writing about it. It's not fun...not at all. I wish I could just have a healthy body so that I could enjoy the things that most people my age do. For instance, going on road trips, rollercoasters, and the simplest of things sitting and walking. I'm trying to just deal with it and hope that God helps me through this again but it is getting harder day by day to cope with the fact that I'll never be able to 100% fully recover. I'd love to be able to go on hikes and little excursions with April and my other friends but it always seems like I'm held back because of my back. I've lost all reflexes in my right leg and now it's working on my left leg. I'm hope that I won't wind up in a wheelchair because if I keep losing muscle mass that's what will happen. I hate having to be stuck on pain medication just to function because I feel like I'm in outer space half the time. I've dealt with so much bullshit so far in my life and I was hoping that surgery last summer would end body troubles at least until I got older but, you know things just don't seem to work that way. I don't know if this is like my big test and God is trying to see how strong of a person I am or if it's a punishment for something I've done but I just wish that it would stop. Plus this puts a lot of pressure on my parents because they are constantly worried about me and what's going through my head. Yes I have in the past thought about suicide because I had gotten to the point where waking up each day was just too painful but I've realized that I can pull through this. I have a great support team between April and Amanda and other friends. Just the daily are you feeling better makes me feel better because I know that my friends actually care and I wouldn't want to go and mess things up and never be able to see my friends again. I also would never consider going through with suicide because I'd miss out on my future as well as my family. So this paragraph is basically a little recap of my frustrations but also to thank my friends and family for being so supportive even though my back issue probably annoys the hell out of them. But thanks for at least caring!! It is truly appreciated.

When Aliens Attack

So Tricia got me, Susan and Samantha hooked on www.alienaa.com . It is where you take care of this alien and battle other aliens. At first it was really cool but I've decided that I'm giving up my alien whose name is Aaliyah. I gave Sam and Susan all my funds and herbs. I hope that they enjoy them. But I'm afraid that Aaliyah Alien is going to become that new series "When Aliens Attack" because she is now abandoned and will only be used to collect herbs for Sam and Susan. Work it! Work until your dollar bill eyes fall off evil alien troll whore! Ha...ah...ha!! Anyway I send a special dedication out to Aaliyah Alien...you were a great companion for the like 6 months I played the game!!

Crack Kills

Yes we all know this but Amanda and I were watching the weather channel yesterday and this stupid ad pops up in the corner of the screen and it's an advertisement for Zim's Crack Creme. What the fuck? Amanda went to the website and it's for like over dry hands and such. It can be used anywhere. Who in the hell would want to carry around a tube that says crack creme? Hello that just sounds nasty. Like some mad scientist formulated butt in a tube. Ewww! Picture it:

Betty Spaghetti: Oh my look at my dry and weathered face...what am I to do?
Zim-a-zam: [Pops in from no where] I have the answer and it's in this little tube that costs $7.60. Here try it.
Betty Spaghetti: Oh my this creme works wonderful. What is it called?
Zim-a-zam: It's crack creme. Now not only do you have smooth skin but you also have our signature tan.
Betty Spaghetti: A new tan...what the hell?
Zim-a-zam: Yes crack creme. You now are a shithead! Enjoy and don't forget once you use crack you never go back.

Get it...shithead...crack creme? It also sounds like so butt lube for anal sex too but hey the website said you can use it anywhere so who's to say it won't become the next big anal ease of the 21st century? Well I've gotta go get ready for work. I think I'm staying the night in the hotel but I'm not sure yet. With 18 more inches of snow supposedly coming it may be for the best.

Closing statement

Everyone have a great weekend in the snow and don't forget to try Zim's Crack Creme you can find it at you local Cow Manure Depot. Later my peoples sitting on steeples that drive jeeples! Love ya all for sucky belated Valentine's Day!

Fashion...turn to the left...Fashion...now turn to the right

So I am totally obsessed with the Barbie Fashion plate thing that April bought. I'm going to get one tonight. I am officially the fashion coordinator for Barbie now. Isn't that great? I thought so. I am so tired and do not feel like going to work but hell...I'll design me some clothes! Fashion...turn to the left! Ha...ah..ha do you remember that song from Clueless? I do. I need so much to go back to bed but I'll make it today!

I wish I had a service plan set up with the Sandman. Cha-ching!! Deposit two dollars for a peaceful nights sleep! The Sandman would be really rich if he charged for his services. I think it would be cool if he offered the "look like you are awake" plan. Picture it...your at you station and your eyes are open and you can fully function but you are really asleep! How cool would that be? I think it would be the coolest of ever.

Hope you are feeling better

So my lil' sister is feeling under the weather. I would love to know what is wrong with you babe...call me anytime if you need anything. I hope that you feel better Constance. I've missed you the past couple of days and have thought of you several times! See I actually missed you!! Love Ya C!

Phase 10

I'm such the bomb ass player of the phase 10 clan! I love it. On Tuesday I played cards at Denny's with April, John, Tom, Samantha and myself. And guess what? You guessed it...I won! I'm the big ol' fat winner! Score one for Paul! I love that game. Thanks be to God for Paul introducing me to that game! In case you don't know who Paul is he is the Texaco guy that April and I go often to see! He is so fucking hilarious! Especially when it ices on the ground and he becomes the Olympic Ice Skater Girl! Ha...ha!! Paul is like in his 30's and his boyfriends name is Tom! Both of them are absolutely fabulous! They crack me the fuck up! Paul's favorite saying is "You Mary Jane Rotten Crotch" and "Jimmy Crocket in my pocket." I think they are faboo! Well I've gotta go! Off to planet AB&C to have a lovely warm heartfelt Hallmark moment of a night! Chow to the cow that smells foul at Golden Corral! Paul

Lifestyles of the broke and not so famous

That's just about what my bank account is reflecting right now. Ugh why can't I have lots of monies to spend. Especially today. I went to the movies with Amanda and we had a wonderful time. Guess what we saw? Darkness Falls...it was really creepy and all I have to say is thank God all of my teeth have fallen out. Crazy! So before that we went to Best Buy where I purchased two dvd's Sweet Home Alabama and The Big Hit. I put it on my charge card that my parents have but guess what? I still have the number...sneaky! Then after the movie we went to Bonton and Amanda got a half carat thumb ring...it is really cool looking. So I almost charged a half carat diamond ring for 600.00 it was half price but I didn't. I got a new watch though. It's made by Fossil and the face changes from black to red. I love it. Amanda and I also made stickers where we are giving the finger of course and one where she is showing her boobs....but she still has her bra on. It was funny! We did this in the movie theatre. Today was a good day. And last night was WONDERFUL.

My lucky night at Texaco

So I went to Texaco after playing Phase 10 at Denny's with Tom, April, John, Samantha and myself. I stopped to get a soda and some chips and I was like give me five scratch offs. I spent 5 dollars and won 29. Then I put back in 9 and won 20 more. I was on a roll. Altogether I won like 35 dollars off of 5 dollars. I had this dream a couple of nights ago that I will win 1800 dollars off the scratch offs but hell 35 is better than nothing while living the "Lifestyles of the broke and not so famous."

Picture it:

Instead of Robin Leach being the host of the show it would have to be some trailer trash queen like Roseanne Barr! Woohoo! That is one crrrraaazzzy fat motherfucker! And did I mention she is the trailer trash queen. April I know as much as you consider yourself this title when we are together you have been dethroned. You don't live in a trailer honey you live in a house! A nice house at that! So the show would be like totally whoa! Like this:

Roseanne: So Paul tell us about your fucking broke down palace bank account?
Me: Ugh...it's broke!
Roseanne: No shit fuck face! You bastard! Clit! Dong without the schlong! (*Note: I think she may have terrets)

What a wonderful family show that would be!! Anyway I'm off to Wally World to look at paint for my room! Talk to you soon watching out for my white ass full moon it'll be exposed by noon....but I refuse to show my coon! Ha...ah...ha LMAO!! Paul

Size Matters

So on Thursday I went to the Caps v. Penns game with Desi, Rita, Jason(egghead), Kristen, Denise, Dave, Harry, Crystal, and Susie...there was ten of us all together. I want to write about this so I remember because I had fun. So anyway...we are on our way to Shady Grove...crusin along at a cool 85 mph. Kristen and I are managing to speed past each other a couple of times on the way there. So we make it there 45mins late and we are on the Metro!! Woohoo!! We get on a car by ourselves and Crystal wants to take a picture...cool idea...right? Yeah it was until this guy like jumps out and is all like "I'll take the picture for you..." Where the fuck did you come from? He was there all along. Any way...so we get to the game and go to our seats after riding what seemed to be the "escalator expedition." Four flights of escalators! So the end of the first thingy ends and I'm like I I have to take a piss. Well Kristen and I go to the bathrooms...her's is right outside the door. I'm like "DAMN IT" why does mine have to be on the other side of arena. So I walk like 50 arena blocks to the men's bathroom...wait 20 mins in line and then I get to my urinal and guess what...there is this big ass sign for Harley Davidson stating..."Size Matters." So not only do I have to wallk for two hours, wait for two hours, but I also have to have a sign judge the size of my dick. And to make matters worse after I'm feeling undershafted! No pun intended...actually yes there was I made this word up! I go back out to get a beer and a pizza and diagonally from the women's bathroom is the men's bathroom like 10 paces away from the section door! What the FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Agh! But it was all well worth it because if 8 inches isn't enough then the women is wore! Ha...ha...ah...ha!

I'm so wonderful I should be bread

I like that title here's the poem:

I'm so wonderful I should be bread,
So much wonderfullness in my head.

I'm so wonderful I should be famed,
Eight is the number don't be ashamed.

I'm so wonderful I should be rich,
Find me some sugar momma bitch.

I'm so wonderful I should be sexed,
But that life seems seriously hexed.

I'm so wonderful I should be thin,
Goodbye to my double chin.

I'm so wonderful I should be here,
Fat, broke and full o' cheer.

I'm so wonderful I should have a gal,
My eye is set on someone who's a pal.

I'm so wonderful I should hope for the best,
Holding this one will be a test.

I'm so wonderful Mrs. Looney tells me so,
And that is really nice to know.

I'm so wonderful and love all my friends,
Hope they feel the same to the very ends.

I'm so wonderful I know better than to be this vain,
So I'll put and end to this like a rock through a window pane.

That is wonderfully wonderous wonderful wonderfullier wonderously wonderfatty patty to the squirrel in the caddy! Anyway...gotta go dye my hair...It's way to gray for a person that is only 22! I'm starting to look like Pa Kettle! Good bye...good luck...get high..get fucked....! Paul