These Boots are made for walkin'

And that's about all I can do. Man! Ugh! I want to go dancing so badly. But my boots are from the Dr. Schol's department...that's right I'm on the dancing sideline. My back will not let it be permitted to shake my groove thang. I am officially a wallflower. How much does that suck? Well let me tell you...it sucks worse than a high class hooker sucking chrome off of her vibrator! Ha...ha! But whatevah! I'll get my dance on after back surgery again...this summer. I also need a butt implant. You know I can shake my flatjacks...but I'd like to have something to back up! My next surgery will be for the fun of me...but implants!!

Spring is here...at least I think

It is so wonderful outside. I wish that I could be on some extended vaykay! Has the official Spring date on the calendar been met yet? Someone please let me know when Spring is official!!

Later my peeps who drive jeeps!!

Boogadee...boogadee...bee!

Isn't that like the cutest little thing for a child to say. April's cousin Kimmy has a little boy named Jason. He is a little munchkin the size of my pinky and this is his new favorite phrase to yell. He is such a little ball of joy. He runs around and puts his arms to the side of himself and just screams out "boogadee...boogadee...bee!!" I think it's funny.

Darien Cordelle Prince

Oh my! is all I can say about this little tyke. He is such a bad ass. He is the baby that April and her family watch on the weekends. They have watched him since he was 6 months old. He is a trip. I think he is going to grow up to be a spy or a comedian. Today he played in the mud puddles up at April's house. It was hilarious. Vic, April's father, kept telling him to stay out of the mud...and what do I do...I tell him to jump up and down in the mud to scare the fish (pretend). And what do you think he did? That's right he jumped and jumped until he became mud covered. He is adorable. He is African American and White. He has brownish blonde curly hair...big ol' green and blue eyes and a mouth that any sailors mom would be proud of. Here is a story about him before I go for the "land of a thousand pillows."

Paul: What a stupid ass! (talking about someone on television)
Darien: Aww...Paul said a bad word April.
Paul: What did I say that was so bad?
Darien: I can't say it. But you said "ass." (with a little grin and a wink of the eyes)
Paul and April: What other bad words aren't you supposed to say?
Darien: Well I'm not supposed to say them. I can't tell you them. But they are ass, shit, bullshit, jackass, fucker, booby-sucker! April, Paul made me say bad words!
Paul: Tattle tale! And April asked you the same question so how am I to blame for you saying them?
Darien: Because I said so...stupid ass!

Yes, that's how the story goes. It was so freakin' funny!

In the words of Darien....later booby-sucker!!

Yee-Haw

"I'm an old cowboy from the Rio Grande." Do you know what television show this is from? Hmmm.....do ya?

I'm tired of being tired

Ugh...it's one of those days. Actually nights. I'm at home writing in my journal after putting in a shitty six hours at work. I was okay productive wise. Whatever. I'm tired and need sleep but I'm going up April's after I get off of here to bake stuff. I'm just tired of being tired.

Desi

I apologize for being the pain in your ass that I seemed to be over the weekend. Whoever told you that I was mad at you...I was just blowing off steam on my journal. You know I enjoy working with you girl we are the "TEAM!" Much love to you Desi just ignore me anymore...stress is taking over my life and it's getting harder to deal with each day! I'll talk to you this weekend.

Constance

I'm hoping that you are doing okay. I never got a response back from you. Maybe you haven't gotten the celly back yet I don't know. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and that I hope that everything is okay in the Burg with you. Tell Sarah I says "ello." Love Ya Tinkers!!

Doin the Butt

For the first time in like a year I have actually been able to do the butt!! Not some sexual position just the dance. Yes the doctor's now have me on major pain killers so my hips can actually move without looking all gereatric and shit! I have no clue how to spell ger-e-at-trick! But you get the drift. I think my next big move now that I'm "Heavily Medicated For Your Safety" is to try belly dancing since April bought that cool little mini belly dancing kit. I could be a professional considering my belly is the size of the Big Apple!! Male Belly Dancers<------Can't live with them....can't puke without them!

Later tater!!

Paul

Who gets the last word

Okay guys. Thank god the battle of the century is finally over. Here are the last words: No one write anything about it anymore. It's over. Finito. I know that I really don't have a right to say anything since it was partially my fault but I'm just glad that it is over and that I have what I have from it. I have April still as a friend. And I have Constance and Sarah still as friends. I just want to know that no one is going to write anything else about anyone else involved. We have all decided that it's over......and I just want to say that I hope these are the last words about it and that we can all move on from here wether it be the four of us or 3 and 2. (Don't get confused 3=Me, Sarah, Constance or 2=April and Paul). So to my little sisters: like I said I'm glad that everything worked out between us. To Ace: Last night at the overlook was hilarious....pickle and buns!

Honestly

Ugh...another day another dollar. But you know what I'm tired of someone saying I'm pissing them off. Fuck it...like I haven't been pissed off before and not said anything. But this is the second time that this person has told me this. If you have such a problem with me then you don't need me on your shift. However, you contradict yourself when you say that you want me on the shift. Make up your damn mind. Maybe, it's just one of those irritable days...who knows? Or maybe it's just me reading too much into it.

Tricia

Again my prayers and thoughts are with you. I'm hoping that you are doing okay. Again you know how to contact me if you need anything. Hopefully each day is getting better. Love ya girl!!

Yada...yada...yada

So here is a funny story that may or may not make you laugh:

My cousin's baby was at my grandmother's house the other day and here is a conversation that he had with her at the kitchen counter...he is three.

Peewee Al: Granny I have something to tell you.
Granny: What is that Peewee?
Peewee Al: Well I've thought about it and I think that I need to find you a boyfriend. Poppop and you are just not compatible. So I'm looking for you a new boyfriend...okay?
Granny: Well isn't that sweet but I don't think that I need a boyfriend. I'm mean what would we do with Poppop...he would be all alone?
Peewee Al: Well I will find him a girlfriend since he doesn't know how to take care of hisself. So now I have to find you a boyfriend and him a girlfriend. What luck?

OMG I cannot believe this came out of a three year olds mouth. I think it is hilarious and I hope you find it the same. Later

Just Me

I'm tired...exhausted. I just want peace. Sometimes I feel like the only peace I'll find is when I die. I don't know just how much more my heart can take. I am a stone wall whose barriers are slowly starting to breakdown. There breaking down so fast that I don't think I'll make it to see 23. I'm depressed..confused...I'm slowly dying inside. All I want to do today is cry. Cry because that's all I have left to do. It seems like in my life when things are going for the better there is always some obstacle that arises. Why does it always have to come so soon when things seem to be in order. I've cried over the whole Constance and Sarah and April issue. I feel like it's my fault...like I should have never introduced them then everything would be okay. I feel like I create all the drama that comes in my life and I also feel like that is all my life will ever be. One big let down. All I can say to Constance and Sarah is that I'm sorry for excluding you in my life. I've been dealing with demons that I sure will overtake me. But no one needs to know what they are. I'm a mess....a total mess. Today is the first day in a long time that I've thought life just isn't worth it. Today is the first time in two years I've wanted to end it. No this isn't a cry for help it's just another part of me that most people never get to see. The depressed side. Although it is there everyday I keep it bottled up inside because it's something that I have to deal with and no amount of love or any amount of pills will ever take it away. I will always have a wall when it comes to showing my emotions...it's just something that has always been here with me. I'll die with a broken heart because I'm not willing nor will I ever be ready to let people inside. Sometimes I think that I'm truly crazy and that I avoid reality. I'm tired of being happy all the time because happiness isn't coming from a happy place. Life is just a mess. It would be better off ended. I wish that I could take some pills or something to make me feel better today but I have a feeling that no matter what I were to take that it wouldn't help. It would probably spiral me even deeper into myself. And that is not a good thing. The deeper I go the more I seem to find out that I worry about. I am absolutely losing it. I just want to go away. If Dr. Kavorkian were here today I'd probably take him up on his offer. But I'd have to decide that I am that brave. To take your own life is the bravest thing someone can do. At least in my book. But aside from that I'd never do it because deep down even through all this bullshit I'm still thankful to be alive.

Save the Drama

You know the past couple of days I have truly come to think about life and what it truly means. To some of us it means being asses our whole life, to others it's just a day by day thing and to some life is beautiful.

Forgive but never forget

So this is the phrase that has been running through my head today. I'm not sure why I'm so interested in this phrase. I think that with all the things that are going on in the world today that something like "the comment" shouldn't be taken so to heart. I think that I want to know that all my relationships...wether friendships...workships...or any other type of ships need to be in "okay" status. Granted that I will never forget what was said about me I still feel that I need to start forgiving people but I also need to forgive myself for some of the things that I have did in the past and still continue to do. I am not the most perfect person and I shouldn't expect anyone else to be. Maybe this is just a growing experience for me since I have seen some type of silver lining at the end of the situation. I can be the bigger person and forgive but I can also never forget.

Laura

I never want you to think that I would say anything about you in a negitive light again. I know that you and I have had huge disagreements but I'd like to think that we have grown to a great relationship. You above all people have been there for me in this call center. I greatly appreciate that. Especially, since you called me to resolve things when you thought I was talking about you. Remember that I am always here for you and I hope or know that I can say the same about you. You are a wonderful person and I want you to know that you are appreciated. Thank you so much my big butt muffin!! Love Ya!! Paul

The Queerest of the Queer

Yeah that's right...the queerest of the queer. You know what I have just about had it with people worrying if I'm a closet case. It's like if you are that interested in who I am trying to fuck then come and ask me. Don't just make conclusions on your own. Yes this means you Nazilla. How dare you say that shit in Tasha's review. Especially in front of Tasha and Desi. I don't understand where people get off saying "Well don't worry about trying to get with him because he's gay...right?" You know just because I don't go around trying to fuck every single woman that I see doesn't mean shit. I have respect for myself and when I'm ready to give it up then I will. And to think that I gay just because you stereotype people to be that way if ignorant. Do I need to get some type of tattoo that says "I not fucking gay" tattooed on my forehead? Huh? Is that what it is going to take? Obviously so! I thought that I had a wonderful relationshiop with someone but I see know that I was just to blindsighted. The person doesn't even want to take up for the wrong doing that Nazilla has done because they don't want to be wrapped up in that "shit." You know what if it were you I'd fully be there 100% to back you up. Especially, knowing how much this issue has effected me over my 22 years on Earth. But such is life. Anyway...I'm getting off here to go to bed and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Love ya'll bunches...Paul