SeaTac

Well ladies and gentlemen it is that time of year again when I must pack up and ship out to Seattle. Oh but I am boiling with excitement and bursting at the seams with glitter to get away. While my vacation is only for six days I am hoping that it will refresh me and make me feel better. I am very excited to see Erin, Andy, and Ella. Plus, there is a scientology building by Erin's apartment and I want to investigate it. Just to see what the inside of the building looks like. I am clearly not interested in joining those loons. I have this feeling that they will charge me an admission fee to get in the front door. I will not pay it though. They will just have to suck it up and let my fat ass in the door admission free.

I am hoping that the weather is a little bit better this year as last year there was only one day of sunshine. No wonder the suicide rate in Seattle is the greatest in the United States. All that gloom and gray. I mean gray is okay in the fashion world as a neutral but damn the sky in Seattle has taken it a little too far.

So tah tah for now. I leave Thursday morning but I figured I would say bye incase I forget to write on Wednesday.

Exhaust

As of late I have been extremely tired. Usually I have enough energy for about three people but I am really starting to wear down. I am not sure what the problem is. I am ok for about the first couple of hours at work but then it hits me and I am exhausted. I mean to the point that I am almost passing out at my desk. It scares me because I am not used to being this tired all the time. I am getting plenty of sleep at night (for once in my life). I am not under any stress or anything. What the hell is the deal people? Why is it that I am suddenly stricken with this exhaustion? To the point where I am fighting falling asleep so bad that my eyes actually go crossed and my head nods off. To the point that I have to go to the bathroom and take a 5 minutes power nap by sitting on the toilet. Oh by the way I cover the seat and just sit there and fall asleep for a couple of minutes to get some sort of relief. No pun intended. Again to the point that Rachel Ray comes on and I don't care as I hit the power button the television goes off. Goodbye Rachel Ray I just cannot make it long enough to see your Yum-O happy ending.

All I know is that Red Bull lies to you. You don't get wings when you drink it. You don't even get pink glitter sparkles. Much less energy.

The Weekend Recap

Friday, August 11, 2006: (6:36 p.m.)

Leave my house, go to Bed, Bath, & Beyond to get two melon ballers so that my Aunt Velma and I can make a huge fruit salad for my Uncle Keith's sister's wedding on Saturday.

9:36 p.m. Finally get to Aunt Velma's house and relax for about an hour before starting to make pineapple trees for display.

4:00 a.m. Finish balling fruit and get to lay down.

5:30 a.m. Fall asleep

Saturday, August 12, 2006: (8:30 a.m.)

Am woken up by Cocoa and Aunt Velma to beging the day.

10:30 a.m. Start doing my cousin Destiny's hair. And let me tell you it was the shit. It took 2.5 hours and a shit load of bobbi pins to complete and fresh flowers but it was well worth it.
4:00 p.m. Arrive at wedding. Eat, talk, smoke, blah blah blah.

7:00 p.m. Make the decision to take shots of Smirnoff Raspberry Vodka with Lisa (Uncle Keith's other sister...the party girl).

Time: All blurry but here are some of the events that take place:

Steal the microphone from the D.J. to announce the cutting of the cake. Speech begins with "Hello Bitches it is Duncan Hines time. Get your asses to the cake table."

Drunken Hula-hooping. Naked asses under grass skirts. Streaking. Chicken Dance with Lisa. Stealing of the brides shoes and losing of my own. Tons of cussing and laughing and partying. Lose my dinner. Get to my car and pass out.

10:30 p.m. Get back to Aunt Velma's house and pass out on the couch.

Sunday, August 13, 2006: (9:30 a.m.)

Still not fully sober. Get in 67 degree water pool to sober up. Almost get stung by a colony of bees thanks to Keith's mother. Get a shower. Can't find my shoes they are still in Pennsylvania. Borrow someone random sandals.

12:00 p.m. At party shop getting decorations and stuff for Keitter's 15th birthday (my cousin). Go get food.

2:00 p.m. Completely sober and having a bitch as time in the pool.

9:30 p.m. Finally get home and go to bed at...

1:00 a.m. and I am back up at 5:15 a.m.

Thank you very much Smirnoff for a fabulous weekend.

I Need The Economy Sized Church Fan Please

Do I really need to support the title? I think not this is self explanatory.



Aside from this picture I was watching "30 Minute Meals" last night when a commercial came on featuring Sally Field(s). Sorry I don't remember if the "Flying Nun's" last name is with or without the "s". Anywho, the commerical is for some new fangled arthritis pill. The most important thing about it is 1) that it helps Sally Field(s) with her arthritis 2) that most doctor's should be familiar with the product 3) it is readily available at your doctor's office 4) it sounds like a person's name. This medical miracle is to be known as "Boniva".

Hearing this I immediately say to my mother:

"I am going to go to the doctor's to get my very own Boniva. She will be the best friend a fag can have. They even provide her in sample form so that if I am not satisfied with Boniva she doesn't even cost me anything. Sally Field(s) you crazy bitch why have you been keeping Boniva a secret until now? You should be ashamed of yourself. Trying to hide my new best friend Boniva from me. Shame on you M'lynn. That is why Julia died. You tried to hide Boniva from us and look where it got you. With a dead diabetic daughter."

At this point my mother thinks I am totally insane but chimes in with:

"You know I would prefer her name be Bunquiva. I could have my very own as well. And Bunquiva spreads herself all over town as she lets everyone sample her. Bunquiva the Hooker."

Need I say more?

180 Degrees

After all the worries and frustration my father tells me to forget about everything that he said over the weekend. He told me that he just worries about my "soul." And that if there is a God that he does not want me to burn in hell. He wants me in Heaven with him and my mother. Which is understandable. He told me that I could have twenty boyfriends but all he is worried about is what happens when all is said and done. Talk about changing your mind. I guess that he just had time to think about what he said. So thank God that is all over with.

My new problem is the ant infestation at work. They are driving me insane. I do not know where they come from but they come in droves. I think they live in my phone. That is where they always come from. Under the phone. I don't get it. I have traps and spray and I have killed half their colony but they are persistent in the quest for whatever it is that makes my desk an ant magnent. I wish I could meet their queen because I would kill her and then take over the throne. As the new Queen Ant I would direct the colony to take shop somewhere else because I am tired of killing them. Talk about mutany. The Queen killing her workers. Anywho, I was told to lay out dry grits on my desk and that the ants would eat them and it would make their stomachs explode. But, the only thing that I am worried about is the fact that I will have the whole entire colony on my desk at one time. I would then be inclined to name that day "The August Ant Massacres."

Oh what fun.

By Your Side

Where to begin? Sunday afternoon my father informed me that when my parents sell our house that he is paying to get me out of debt and that he wants me to move out. Sounds like a good deal doesn't it? Well the reason that he wants me out is because he cannot deal with my lifestyle. He said that he is to blame for me being gay and that I have been programmed to be gay as my only influence as I was growing up were women. He thinks that I lead a double life. That is complete babble. He also said that I will pay for what I do in the end. If there is a God then I have things to worry about and if there isn't that I don't. Also, that this is the lowest point in his life.

What a great weekend.

Nip Tuck

Child I am telling you my pets have gone insane. Pancake was in a snooty mood last night so she did not associate that much. When she was under a blanket I kept poking her and she tried to bite my finger but all rats do that. It was funny though because everytime I would poke her she would jump, turn around, and then attack. It is a game to her. On the other hand Pepper was testing her limits last night. Homegirl was doing little nibbles and then she bit too hard. Then she kept trying to attack my fingers. I think she could smell the cheese from last night food fest so she was trying to get it off of my hands.

I made a Rachel Ray exclusive. You have to try the Garlic and Herb Three Cheese Pizza. It is fabulous. It is a little expensive for the cheeses though. Say $20.00 just for the cheese but it is well worth it. I love Rachel Ray. I think I could go straight for her as she is so adorable and bubbly. I really want her knife set so if anyone is willing to buy it for me I would not be opposed to receiving it as an early Christmas present.

But I have to get to work. Yep. Work.

Change Clothes

As you can tell I picked a different skin for my site. I thought that the purple flowery motif was just a little bit to cutsie for my taste. I like this new one. It reminds me of an old document or a nifty handmade paper. So I am going to stick with this one for a while until I get tired of looking at it.

More importantly Pancake (one of my lesbian rats) is in time out. We were playing last night and that wench tried to bite my nose. Oh hell nah. She knows better. I could not believe it when it happened. I was like you little timid bitch who do you think you are biting mother like that? Did I have something delicious in my nose? I think not. So I am putting her in time out. She will have to play by herself while Pepper and I enjoy each others company. Pancake will have to redeem herself if she wants to join in during play time. Until then she is the "bad rodent" corner.

Oh and I get to spend the whole weekend by myself as my parents are going to our family reunion. This should be a most boring weekend.