Happy Belated Blogiversary to myself...

I forgot that on Sunday it was my one year blog anniversary. Happy anniversary to myself. It's been a whole year already. Who would have thought?

I've cracked the code

At work anyway. I am secretly plotting to take over the company with my work ethics. They are great...please stop laughing...it's not that funny. I have devised a plan on how to not work at work. It is great and doesn't involve fainting. "It's the precious" as Gollum would say and I'm keeping it all too myself.

In response to April's letter on SM&C Blog I want the person who was selling the house to fucking lick my ass...damnit...spoil my decorating bubble.

And now I've decided that Evanescence is my favorite group. I made Cheryl listen to the first song for 3 hrs straight today. When I finally changed it she said thank God. But I was like oh no you didn't. And the evil in me put it back on for another spin. Yah....ha...ha....the evil ensues!

Are you buggin?

I am. I was at Hair Cuttery tonight looking at products while I waited to get my hair cut. So I go to pick this gunk up and a jumping spider is on it. Hello! Bugs, fish, creepy crawlies don't belong in a hair cutting place...unless they are getting their hair did. No...not at all. I think bugs track me down and try to give me a heart attack. I almost killed a child in the process of jumping back away from it before it jumped on the next bottle. Damn aracnids.

But on a more interesting note...

This morning when I stopped to get a soda I almost ran over a woman. I thought it was funny...she didn't. But then again she did just get off work.

Today's hair tip:

Put on a visor. Then clip a curly ponytail on each side. Go to a co-worker who has their back to you and ask them "How much do you love me?" "Well if you love me that much turn around." (and be in some sexy position)

It's called the Princess Layah Love Look. That's what I did to Esther today. Now she loves me even more.

Before I got my hair cut today I made it into a mohawk and then put it in three mini-tails. They were cute. Esther said I should wear my hair like that all the time. I just don't think everyone would appreciate it...I mean Jennifer did tell me that I could pass for a tri-unicorn. Yah..ha...ha!

Question of the day: And just why can't the grass be greener on the other side? I say it's covered in cow shit but who am I to know.

I CAN'T WAIT TO MOVE OUT AND DECORATE!

Later painter...

Oh my...

I thought that if I took a 2 muscle relaxers I would feel better. Now I can barely function. My eyes keep crossing and it's getting harder to type. What the fuck? I'll probably be passed out in like 30 more minutes. And I have a movie to watch damnit! So much for that. But pray that tonight's dreams are filled with scenes concerning me, Kate, and Scott...and the things that happen in the UNDERWORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told you I'm fucking crazy for this movie. I might go see it tomorrow after work. Or leave work 20 mins early to catch it. But anyway...I'm thirsty and in need of some refreshments. Have a good night ya'll.........

On the record...

Underworld fucking ROCKS MY FUCKING WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Kate Beckinsale and Scott Speedman can devour me at anytime. They are the most fucking hot vampire/werewolf couple I have ever seen in my life. Again I am reassured that biting is a good thing. I am so hot and bothered I need to take a shower! I must see this movie again tonight.

Don't bother me when I'm talking to myself.

For the love of sesame seed chicken...why do I constantly have to think? I get in these weird situations where I have to think about everything when I try to go to bed. For instance, two weeks ago I was trying to think of Darryl Hannah's name in Steel Magnolias and it kept me up until 3am. Tossing and turning and constantly coming back to the same question. It's driving me crazy. Last night I kept thinking...gee I wonder how awesome April and I's house it going to be decorated? And I kept on thinking of all the possibilities for decorating the living room (oriental, african, greek). And I tossed and turned all night thinking about it. I think I'm just a genius undercover. One day I'll toss and turn and come up with the cure for AIDS or world hunger or a better answer than "World Peace" for the Miss America Pageant.

Until then, I'm going to see Underworld today and go shopping in my new hometown of Frederick. I'm there so much it feels like that's where I actually live now. But soon April and I will live in our own place. What we have decided on so far is: no smoking in the house, a condom and chocolates basket be kept on the table, new carpet, no fornication on the couch or public property, and that Granny and other older relatives are allowed to break the smoking rule. So far so good.

After a long day...

It's nice to know that you are still the champion of Scrabble. I can't believe the words that I know...like who uses okra on a daily basis? April...me...you next weekend...Scrabble Fest 2003. Get your dictionary ready cause it's on.

What dreams may come

Was a really crazy movie. But that's not what I'm here to talk about right now. Last night I had the craziest dream over and over again. So this dog is in this front yard. And it looks all scared and stuff. I'm in Baltimore by the way walking around my grandmother's neighborhood. So I go to pet the dog and realize that the front door to the house is open. So I go in and find the owner dead. So instead of being rational and calling 911 I take the dog home and adopt it as a pet. I leave the body to rot. But the best part about the dream is that I adopted a PURPLE POODLE. She was so cute. She wasn't a miniature or big poodle she was right in between. And we had the bestest time ever in the dream. She was like the perfect pet. I don't remember having to really take care of her. We just went shopping, to work, and chilled. Now that I think of it it almost sounds like a version of Legally Blonde. But anyway I'm convinced this is a sign that I need a poodle. So I have to bribe my parents into letting me have a poodle...and I want to dye her purple. Like a lavendar. And her name will be Smurfette.

But then when you think the maddess ends...

I had another reoccurring dream. This time it was April and I shopping (something tells me I have a serious addiction) at some shopping center or something. We both decide to get into the back seat of the jeep and two men get in the front seat. The one has a sawed off shot gun. We are taken hostage. I think this happened before we left the mall and that's why we got in the back seat first. So anyway, we are driving and driving and no one realizes that we are taken hostage. So these two criminals are talking to us and we are both like....yeah...no...excuse but we're hungry sir can we stop for some food. Well in the mean time a helicopter just happens to fly overhead and I wave it down. The criminals get ahold of what I'm doing and speed off...faster than the helicopter now mind you. So then the criminals start asking April and I all kinds of questions about sex, drugs, and what kind of clothes that we bought. April tells the two men that she is going to a ball and that she bought 3-4 ballgowns because she couldn't decide on which one she liked the best. They stop at a rest area and tell April to give them the dresses. So we are left in the jeep with the keys in the ignition while they are changing into dresses. So when we see them disappear into the bathroom we haul ass away and go to Baltimore to see my grandmother for some odd reason. We thought we should hide out in some place inconspicious incase they looked for us. And then we set off fireworks that night at my grandmother's house in celebration of alluding two dragqueen kidnappers. What the hell is wrong with me?

But then...

I have another dream with April and we go on vacation together. My parents sent us to this palace for vacation. It had a waterfall on the inside, marble floors, beautiful Venetian style walls. It was like walking into a fantasy world (no pun intended). But anyway, the whole dream April and I are constantly looking for each other because the hotel is so large. And when we finally find each other it is like a month later. We end up in our room that is all crushed red velvet. And when I mean all crushed red velvet....ceiling, floor, walls, toilet, sink...the whole 9. Anyway, April tells me this "I shall never be fat again." And I realize that we are models on tour in France for some Versace or Gucci show. And we looked hot. And then the dream was over.

And so on...

Today I was listening to the song "Sippin on some sizzer." All is good. Then Cheryl asks me:

"Why would you want to sip on siccors?"

My reply: "For piercing purposes...bwah...ha...ha"

Her reply: "Oh my bad...it's sippin on some sizzler."

My reply: "There is no hope for you my child."

Yesterday's lesson on how to piss your husband off by Kim

Real life situation:

Kim wakes up...gives her husband a blowjob...uses his toothbrush to brush her teeth.

Her husband...enjoys the blowjob...goes to brush his teeth...realizes after the fact it had already been used for the day.

Result: A mad husband.

The stories that people share at work. I don't think her husband should have been mad I mean he did get the good end of the deal. Right?
Now other wives are wanting to do this to their husbands. I think there are going to be some angry men tomorrow.

Today is a national holiday....celebrate

It's National Smelly Exhaust Pipe Day....party people and get your fucking exhaust fixed because they smell like shitcakes.

And on a more important note:

As I was driving over the bridge today I noticed that the river was really high. And I wondered to myself as I often do:

"Paul do you think if you swan dive off of the bridge into the river that you would make a splash or die?"

I like to think of myself as glamourous and have a tiny splash. However, reality has set in and I think I'd create a world of havoc with the tidal wave I would make and then die.

And I've come up with a new vaccuum. The Hoover Havoc.

Slogan: Don't fuck with the Hoover Havoc....it will suck you dry.

I think the censors would like that. My ideas are amazing and since my first language is "fuckmerunningyoudicksuckingtwatlickingsonofabitchinwhoreslutrag," I think I'd get rave reviews.

Anyway, I'm in la la land. You know what that means...

And if you don't I'm pretty sure you can figure it out if you read back through my journal.

Here's the OM



So what do we think of the new foot tattoo? I love it. The pictures not that good but you get the point.

And the question for the day is:

Have you ever taken a shit and been like damn this is some foul shit?

P.S. Yes Tricia it's one of the hot guys.........Frank!

Is it me or....

Is my new tattoo sexier than hell? I think it's sexy and so do the women at work. I promise I'll have a picture tonight. I have to take it at work and send it to my email and upload it on the website. It's one big project. Plus I have to make sure that the picture looks good. Duh?

Tricia: Thank you so much for the email. I truly appreciated it. And what you had said is way true. I just get in moods where I think a lot harder than I need too. I'm not sure why but when I go there it's never good thinking. It's always...waw me...waw me. Cry me a damn river. But I'm way over it. Until the next time you see me write so crazy, suicidal, manic depressive shit. Other than that just ignore it. It's the thinker in me coming out. No pun intended. When are we having the sex toy party? I've already started asking people if they would come. Again no pun intended.

Tink: Thank you too for the comment. It was so true just to live for the moment. Like when I'm going to dance at work today to "Get Low" because I can. And I sent you an email but it kept coming back from sbcglobal? What's up with dat?

April: This weekend...party all the time. Didn't mean to cry last night. At least you were able to get me in a better mood. And I didn't go to sleep because I was upset I was actually experiencing technical difficulties with muscle spasms. So when you called I was knocked out from some pain killers because I couldn't breathe with the muscle spasms coming back to back. And call Frank and ask what he thinks of the Alphabet Poop.

Tricia...our friend Frank is now working at you know where...so you have to give him access to Alphabet Poop when I get him set up on our other site.

Love ya'll! And does anyone know where the title of last night's entry came from? What Band and what Song?

Winner get's free liquor...

Plagued by fucking lunatics

I've come to realize that the world is full of lunatics. People with double standards, hate, anger, cruelty. I'm starting to hate life more and more everyday. People say make the best of life. But what's there to make of it? Take it as a grain of salt. That's easier said than done. Sometimes I wonder what all this is for. Is there really something like a big prize when you make it through life or is it just one big cruel joke? Does anything even matter? Does death, murder, hate, obsession, love, passion really amount to anything besides an emotional struggle? It seems to me that the crueler someone is or the more shady a person is they get by better in life than those who choose to try to make life enjoyable. Why? Why is it that someone can rape, murder, be addicted to drugs and live a better life than someone who tries to live by some type of moral code? My mind is becoming increasingly harder and harder to control. It's almost like I'm not even me anymore. I feel like there is a void where my inner self used to be. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore. It's almost as if life is over for me when people tell me that it has just begun. The passion that I used to have for life is slowly evaporating. Simple things that I used to enjoy like reading, movies, and music have become so stagnent. It's like the same things are being repeated over and over again. What used to be new and fresh has become obtrusive and stark. Maybe I've lost touch with reality I don't know. I'd like to think that this will go away but I know that it will come back; it always does. Ever since I was a child I have lost myself inside myself. Maybe I just don't know who I really am. I've thought for a long time that I am just the image of everyone else around me. I mimic people. Without that I wouldn't be.

And to the person who is leaving the unappropriate comments....thanks. It's people like you that make life agony for so many other people. I think you need to look deep inside yourself and think of how you would feel if you were the one getting the nasty remarks. Whatever I may have done to you I'm not sorry for because you won't tell me who you are. So it's whatever. The comments I can get over I just hope that you enjoy the site and fess up to who you are.

Meditation is a good thing....

And so is getting the Om symbol tattooed on your left foot. I love it. I love it. I love it. My mother gave me $50.00 and said do with it what you will. So I got another tattoo. I'll have a picture posted later today.

And congrats to Dewayne...he is no longer a "comment virgin!" Tell Frank to send me another email his is saying I can't send one to him due to fatal errors. I'm trying to get him access to 3 fags.

But until then...I'm off to work!

I need to be in...

A better fucking mood. Woke up this morning and could not sleep. I mean when you go to bed at 4am and wake up at 8am your not exactly Mary Fucking Sunshine. Maybe that's the reason I'm in a bad mood. Plus I just balanced my checkbook and paid bills and I'm left with $89 to the end of the week. Which really isn't horrible but when I get paid on Friday I still have no money because then my car payment is due. Fuck...fuck...fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!! to the infinite degree. I want a tattoo so bad but I don't have the cash flow for it right now. The only thing that could possibly make me happy right now is a tattoo for some reason because I found the OM symbol I want. I wish my parents would loan me there credit card so I could get it. It would only be like $50.00. But until then, they are taking me to the movies to see UnderWorld. Paxil is just not helping with my mood today. I just want to yell and fucking hit someone. On a lighter note:

I had mad fun with April and Frank last night. We went to the Adult Bookstore in Martinsburg and then went back to Frank's place. Frank made me feel good about myself saying that I am attractive and I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Big ups to Frank. When I actually have money I am buying him something. Frank you lucky bastard!

Sometimes when I think about myself....

I wish I had a cape to wear. A red one with a big ol' P on the back of it.

I would be known as Super P or Chinless Hubb Boy. Hmmm. New idea to dress up as for work on Monday, except my super powers will not help the week go by faster. But maybe I can make the sprinklers come on at work if I concentrate hard and long enough. Or I can just take a lighter to them and bring Isabel back to the coast for a true party.

Ah the joys of being a bad bad boy.

To the fucker who left the nasty comment....

Be thankful it's not your father's cock I'm sucking. To fucking scared to leave a name....that's how I thought I had it bitch.

The purpose of the internet....

To suck you dry of all your energy. And to make you think naughty thoughts about the guy from Smallville and how you would like him to be on the menu for breakfast. Did I just write that? I think I did. I'll have Tom Welling from Smallville for breakfast and Katie Holmes from Dawson's Creek for lunch. Isn't the a sensible meal?

I knew you would agree. They are both hotter than me in a spandex dress.

There's nothing better than....

A woman in her late 40's quoting:

"I never watched that little fuzzy motherfucker." in reference to Alf.

See the fine conversations I have with my co-workers.

Life has become more and more pleasing when you have a woman named Cheryl sitting next to you at work and cussing is her first language. Why can't more people learn curse words before English. It would make the world a better and more fucking tolerable place.

And Monday will be Attack of the Pink Fairy Day.

After an extensive love fest with myself I have to wonder if there is a place in hell for "Habitual Masturbators."

Tra...la...la...

Twidle de de. Twidle de dum. Your breath wreaks of cum.

Isn't that a cute quote? I just made it up. I think that will be tomorrow's motto. I wonder if it is appropriate for the workplace?

Everything is going okay at work. I'm a superstar. I actually find this job quite amusing. The people are hilarious. But Cheryl was sick today so my cuby buddy wasn't there. Damn sinus infections. Just damn them to hell. She will be back tomorrow however. At least she better be. I called like 130 people today. Isn't that amazing. And I only got ahold of 16. So much for communication at the workplace.

Tricia....I want to test out a product...how about some chocolate body topping? I'll eat it on my ice cream and watch porn at the same time so that way it's at least semi-erotic. Whatta ya say? Oh the joy of being frustrated.

Just when everything was going okay...

It turned for the worse. My back is killing me. Not the I can deal with you hurting but the I need to kill myself right now before it gets any worse. You know just when I think things are going okay I get kicked right in the ass. What is up with that. I think I may have pulled a disc in my upper back. I don't know. The only thing I know is that when I look down my back feels like it is about to fall off and sitting isn't comfortable at all. Not even laying in the bed. And to top it all off I have bengay stinging my arms where I tried to put it on my back. Damn it. I don't want to say anything to my mom about it yet because she is so happy that everything is going okay for once. But guess what the was only momentary. It was a piece of dust in time. It is gone. Tricia told me: "What's the point of living if you can't enjoy it." or something to that effect. And I'm starting to really understand that quote more and more. God I hope this ends soon.

Taco Bell...ding..ding...ding...ding

Yesterday I got Taco Bell. And it was better than everything at the moment but now I'm starting to re-evaluate the situation since my stomach is having "bathroom issues." Cramps are not fun ladies. How do you deal with it? Someone get me some Midol or Pamprin. Today I want Chinese food from Panda Express in Frederick. But at this rate tums would be a feast.

And on to more important news...

I really want Taco Bell and the sad thing is that I dreamt about eating a chicken quesdilla from there. Could it be the alcohol, the mind, or the fat telling me to feed it? I don't know yet. All I know is that if I don't get Taco Bell sometime today I may explode like that Chicken lady on Kids in the Hall.

Ruffle my feathers baby.....and feed me a taco!

Paul

And then there was....

FRIDAY!! WOOHOO! Praise the Lord give me a church fan I need a vacation! And even better it's payday! The only thing that could top this off is getting tore up Friday night. I have gone psyhic and predicted my future tomorrow night...and the fortune's of Frank, Dwayne, and April.

Madame CleoPaulpa says: The crystal ball tell me dat you all will be how should I put it...fucked up Friday night.

He..he..he..until tomorrow

Have you had your break today?

I'm craving McDonald's chicken nuggets right now? Can someone please get me a ten piece and hand deliver it to me NOW? It would be greatly appreciated...and you have to pay for it too....because I said so.

Work went good today. It was a little boring but by the grace of the powers of greyskull it proved to be an interesting day. I thought about cutting my fingernails for most of the day becasue they are soooooo long that they hit other keys when I type. And I thought about what it would be like to be a hooker. Would I be a nighttime hooker or daytime hooker? I couldn't imagine turning a trick at 6am. Really...the nerve of men trying to buy a hooker that early in the morning...it's not like you get an early bird discount. Or do you? I'll have to find out when I go back to Baltimore...there are plenty of hookers for me to interview there.

I think the lady that I was sitting with today caught herself in a ackward moment today. Because we all know how everyone just assumes that I'm gay well she was like "I'm assuming that you don't have kids or a wife?" "I'm assuming that you don't have a girlfriend?" "I'm assuming that this can be a good thing." And when I answered yes to all of the above. Not that a significant other wouldn't be nice right now, she gave me this look like oh shit I think I want to ask him if he's gay but that would be ackward and inappropriate. She already said she doesn't care for tattoos and I have 6. Say la ve! But for some reason I have to assume she is half retarded...I don't know why. Plus she looks like Nicole Kidman and Australian's are just like that! I'm just kidding...fucka!!!

Anyway, I'm off to find a movie to watch tonight...later

Paul

April

There is an invite in your email you have to accept it so that you have access to the blog.

Checka...checka...this is so Cyn

The new link to Frank, Dwayne, April and Paul's page at the end of my link list...enjoy.

Am I a big crackwhore or what?

Why is it that people think I'm a big ol' druggie? Huh? Just because I have done some choice drugs doesn't make me a stoner...does it? I haven't done drugs in forever. It's been at least two years. And the only reason that I smoked up was because of my back. And I am all for medicinal pot because it helped me out many times before I had back surgery. So today we were talking about allegra and Stacy asks me if I've ever gotten high off of that. Hello...it's a nasal decongestant...not a take me to the moon and ride me like I'm your boytoy pill. I've taken Allegra but not for the purposes of getting a buzz...I actually need to take medication for real purposes too. So I've decided that I'm not the crackwhore the world has deemed me. Maybe a crackslut or cracker but not to the extreme of a crackwhore...that is Joyce!

Sharon..........mwah...ha..ha..ha..haa

So I told Sharon what I wrote about her the other day and she lost it. She is absolutely wonderful. I think she might be better than buttered bread. So we went on break together today and I told her that I thought it was going to rain. She was all like no Paul it's not. And I'm all like Sharon...I'm the weather lady I know. But it has yet to rain. Maybe if I were really a lady it would have rained. Who knows. I want to marry you Sharon...do you think your husband would mind? Tell him that the baby is mine. It will be okay...I promise...come on sugar muffin...be my valentine!

A little sumin' sumin' for my Momsi folk

So I have decided that the training at my current employment is great. The people have really made the transition from Alaphabet Group to Momsi wonderful. I just wanted to send a shout out to all my training buddies.

Heidi-(my trainer) Girl is it me or do you want to play bad student with me? Just joking. I'll dress up in the catholic schoolgirl outfit if you want. Ha...ha.. Anyway...Heidi you are an awesome trainer. Thank you so much for making the trainer not so monotonous. I love that we have gotten to know each other and that you make learning insurance interesting. Even the lecture has been fun. And this isn't a tempowary feeling...you make me feel sprecial...! This is an inside joke. So Heidi big props to you for being an awesome trainer.

Sharon-(my co-trainer...future wife) This woman is so fucking funny. I crack up just looking at her. Especially when she appears to be half dead and half alive. Oh and when she eats french apple pie I can't help but die laughing and then need to be brought back. I really appreciate your sense of humor and the understanding of me. I don't open up to many people but you make me feel comfortable enough that I can talk to you. And thank you for not judging anything I've told you. MWAH!

Jennifer-(my partner in crime) You are too funny. And I love the sarcastic moments in class. Oh and you are really pretty too....incase your fiance never tells you that. We are going to be great partners when we go to the floor. You've really opened up and I think that we will have a great friendship....can I be a bridesmaid in the wedding or the flower whore...I mean girl?

Monique-(my ooolala girl) You are beautiful. And as for your boyfriend disrespecting you like he does...don't take it because you are way to funny and beautiful to be treated like that. I like knowing that you feel comfortable asking me questions when you need help because that makes me feel like you think I know what I'm doing..when I probably don't. We definitely have to go out together sometime for lunch or a movie.

Stacy(my girl w/o an e) If ever there were a dark moment in class I'm sure that you could make us all smile. The whales not having any teeth has to be one of the funniest questions I have ever heard. And as for "can metal go into the microwave" I too have put a fork in the microwave. So we are both a little on the blonde side. I mean look at the patch in the back of my head. Congratulations on graduating!!!

So anyway I'm going to eat dinner. And then go get gas in my car. Until tomorrow...R EV WAH to my girls that are FLAH!

Is it so wrong of me to want you?....in that way?

I have no idea why I entitled today's entry the above questions but I sort of like it. I am the Wee--zil. Remember that? So last night April calls me and to my luck I had taken three benedryll a half hour earlier. I am half dead. What's the big deal you ask? Well she wanted to go party over at Frank and Dwayne's. Now you understand right? You better. Damn my evil crackwhore fairy Dragqueen. What is wrong with her? She did this to me...I didn't take those pills because of allergies or to go to sleep it was the pressure of my Fairy Dragqueen. So needless to say I slept from 1030pm until 2pm today. I woke up though at 5am and wondered if they were all still at Frank's house. And at that moment I realized that I didn't go out on a Saturday night to see what Sharon at work quotes as "the hot guys."

Sharon is the best person that I have ever worked with. She understands me. Plus she doesn't have a problem with calling herself fat.

Quote of Friday: "I am the big fat pregnant lady." He..he..he!

We talked for a half hour non-stop and she is not so different than me. And I mean that in a good way. She has done most of what I have done and we have an understanding that everyone else wanted to know about but too bad they went to lunch elsewhere...we didn't. So I can't wait to see her tomorrow to finish our conversation.

APRIL "MOONPIE ZIGGOWITZ" COCKSHELL

PLAN A

NEXT WEEKEND=A TRIP TO H2O DAMNIT!
AND OUR MISSION IF WE CHOOSE TO EXCEPT IT AND WE BETTER IS: GET FUCKED UP!!

PLAN B
NEXT WEEKEND=A TRIP TO FRANK AND DWAYNE'S WITH MUCHO ALCOHOLO!
AND OUR MISSION IF WE CHOOSE TO EXCEPT IT AND WE BETTER IS: GET EVERYBODY FUCKED UP...ESPECIALLY FRANK!! (THIS IS MY VOTE...HAVING OTHER'S FUCKED UP IS SO MUCH BETTER...PLUS FRANK IS OUR ENTERTAINMENT)

For some reason I have this feeling that April is going to be away next weekend. Damn it! Then the weekend of the 19th...and I mean it.

I wanna dream tonight

No...not about your mom. That was last night and the night before. How about....ummm...you know...enough said!

Why Tequilla is the best lay in town...

1. Anyone can have it.
2. It makes you forget that you were tired and makes you happy.
3. It only involves money for the purpose of pleasing you.

And last...

4. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy when it goes down on you.



Alcohol inhibits the language barrier

Last night's tequilla intoxication word:

Me: April why don't you buy Saramel Syrup?
April: Giggle...giggle...giggle...snort.
Me: I mean...uh..sa...uh...sara....um...caramel syrup.

Giggle fest 2003

So it has been forever since I have had an extreme case of the giggles. Well today Giggle fest 2003 began after lunch. I could not stop thinking of the word "retarded." Don't ask me why it was just stuck in my head. I kept on placing it in unappropriate sentences, songs, phrases. Like:

Correct sentence: Oh I see that you have a dental policy through Aetna.
Misuse: Oh I see that you have a retard policy through Aetna.

Why I found it funny I have no clue. All I know is that I kept making Heidi crack up and she told me that I needed to turn around so that she could teach because everytime she looked at me I would laugh and she would laugh. It was just one of those days. And speaking of days...have you ever been so tired that you thought you could fall asleep with your eyes open? Well that was me today after my three stacker 2 caffeine pills wore off. Starbucks Mocha Frappacino couldn't even help me recover. Now I am even more tired than I was an hour ago. I think I may be able to stay up until 8pm. If not...goodnight ch'all.

Hoping that everything is okay...

So Dwayne and Frank got in a massive argument Sunday night and boy was it a big one. They faught from their house to Walmart and shopping and coming home. I hope that everything is okay. April you need to do a follow-up just to make sure. I really need to give them the bottle opener and the friendly sperm magnents. Hopefully, that will give them a smile on their faces! Lord what I wouldn't do for some Frank and Dwayne and April and Me time. I need somemore humor in my life. I want to see them sometime this weekend...and maybe we can take a ride to Variety Books!

We are a group of perv's! Get over it!

Paul

I'll have a serving of your mom with that...

Today was great at work except for the fact that I dosed off like 79 times. It's not that the information is boring it's just that ever since April and I stayed out until 3am at Frank and Dwayne's I haven't recovered from the sleep I was missing that night. So today at work I decide I want Starbucks. Mmmm! So I go on lunch and the coffeeman is all attentive and stuff and is like what can I get you? I was like a mocha frappacino. Well then he says:

"By the way what is your name?"

I tell him Paul and he winks and says "So how big do you want it?"

Could you be anymore obvious that you are flirting. And to make matters even more weird he serves me my coffee on the palm of his hand and says "I really hope that this takes care of what you were looking for." Oh my God! However, the situation did make me feel even beautifuler than I know I am...just joking. But now when I go to Starbuck's I may get free frappacinos. Isn't life great when people think you are sexy?

Oh and I can't get my damn comments back...Tricia...help me!! Email me! Call me! Hump me! I don't care as long as I get them back!

So the next time I go to Starbucks I will have a serving of your mom with that!

Paul

When I'm bored...I draw Aaliyah...here's a new one...

Would you like some champerries with that?

This margarita is way better than any you will ever have...



Image brought to you by: April and Paul's alcoholism

Forgive me Father for I have sinned

Tonight I think my mind is the most dangerous entity surrounding me. Why is it that I become mute? I am deaf to the world? I am the void that only I know and I'm clouded by black? How can I shut myself down and pray that I never resurface? How do I let the part of me that terrifies everyone come to light?

I am so dark that sometimes I scare myself. I like to hide. I am the evil that is most dangerous. I am human. I am invisible. I am the unforgiven.

"Fear not those around you. For fearing oneself is the truth."