I was shocked...

When I learned mashed potatoes were the number one comfort food followed closely by macoroni and cheese. Who the hell, when depressed or sad, goes for mashed potatoes. What ever happened to chocolate? Which brings me to another point about hamburgers. There is this place in L.A. that sells $50 burgers because they have chocolate truffles in them. I couldn't imagine eating beef and chocolate but who am I?

My trip to New York in February cannot come soon enough. I'm ready to pull my hair out at work. And that was explained over and over again when I finally swooped into work. Yes swooped. Not even fiddling with Hair Weave Barbie could ease the pain of a shitty day. I really should live the "cliche" and become a hairdresser. I mean I am damn good at it and the hairdresser that I go to...Crystal thinks I would rock. But when you go through any type of beauty/cosmotology school you have to do pedicures. That shit is not gonna happen. Feet are eww! Could you imagine giving pedicures to 60 year old women. Oh the horror! Who says that in that one book...it takes place on the Congo River in Africa...I know I read it in high school...Oh...brain is now functioning...

Heart of Darkness...but who is the character? Doesn't it start with an S? He dies I know that.

I just visited Danny and Paul and posted on the message board. Life is grand because I got a response to the question in lightning speed. I have communicated with Danny's Paul. Never in my wildest dreams have I ever thought I would communicate with someone while on television but is sure to have an impact on the world's views. Oh but my dreams are finally coming true.

Well I've got to go get some medicine since the cold doesn't want to cooperate with the "me feeling better." Everyone have a great night and visit Danny and Paul's website it is very informational and the music is good too.

Here are some questions I asked and got response too by Danny and Paul. Look I'm beyond validated...they posted a comment.!!

Question 1
Question 2
Night Ya'll
Question 3

Yet another link

DannyandPaul.com

Just when I think

I don't have enough blogs to read I've began another. Please welcome to the list of blog links (applause):

BilBored

The link is added to the side. It's under The Traveling Spotlight.

Aside from adding the new link I haven't gone to work yet today. I can't tell if I'm really crying or if my eyes are just really watery. If my sinus' don't get into shape soon I'm going to remove them myself. One can only blow their nose so many times. I feel like I've been punished by for some awful thing I did when I was a child and now I've taken on the tissue responsiblity of 10 people. Shit. I bet you that when a movie star gets sick even that is glamorous. As for us common folk...it's quite revolting.

Soup de Jour

Today's special is Matza ball soup. And I must say it is quite yummy. I always seem to get what I want. Make one call and when you get home...bam...shablang...there the soup is.

Bought two new Hair Weave Barbie Heads today seeing that I cut the first one's hair. When when cut is made the inner haircutter comes out in me until there is basically, no actually nothing left. I also bought a NeoPet for Cheryl and I. Her name is Bumsheka. She is something called a Usul. Have no clue. But she talks and sings. Here is a picture of my baby:



Going to Baltimore on Thursday. Hopefully I'll find something to do on Wednesday night seeing that it is New Year's Eve. Other than that I'm discouraged to learn that Dorian Grey is a waste of time...says Bilbored. So that book is over and done with. I really must finish the Vampire Chronicles. I don't know why I start them and stop them. I'm on the VI book. Not too many more to go. But there are so many other books that I must read. For instance Cunt, I do have this book but can't find it. The beginning hilarious. Now I'm reading Paige by Paige, which is a little amusing. However, Why Girls Are Weird is extremely entertaining. I'm waiting to get The Broke Diaries back so I can read it for the 5th time. If you ever buy a book in your life please buy The Broke Diaries. One of my top ten book choices. But then again I have an odd taste in books. But it is well worth it. Everyone I've let borrow it has returned with a smile on their face. So may decisions...

Such little brain mass to sort them.

Night...tonight is Matza ball soup and Buffy's 2nd DVD in the 5th season.

To Faustus: Thank you for the link man...it is greatly appreciated. Now my blog and I feel validated.

You are one hot motherfucker

The elvish people have my highest regards of being "hot motherfuckers." Yes, these magical creates/people are hot. Way hot. Is it wrong of me to want Liv Tyler and Orlando Bloom in a threesome? No I didn't think so. These two elvish people are the hottest thing since hell not freezing over. Liv Tyler has that classic beauty. It is almost painful to look at her in Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King because she is so undeniably breathe taking. Orlando Bloom with his golden locks is oh la la. Sizzle me a steak and put a fork in...this elf is on Fye-yah! Being that I find myself now attracted to the likes of ficticious creates in ficticious movies I am having myself committed. But you must agree that these two are some sweet eye candy. Now how does one lure these two in thy own bed? I have the power of the ring...(i.e. the sterling silver Lord of the Rings ring my parents got me for Christmas)...does it have control over them? Pray that it does.

Anyway, enough with the lust that has filled my heart. The movie was absolutely wonderful. However, it saddens me that it is all over with. There is no more to wait for. The 3 hour and 20 minutes of movie time were enjoyable aside from the person that brought a baby to the theatre. The first hour flies by and the second sort of creeps by. But when you get over the first two hours it is filled with battles, magic, amazing CGI (computer genterated images), and the scenary is remarkable. Personally, I liked the screech those evil winged dinosaur things gave off. It hurt my mother's ears but I found it to remind me of the Evil Willow in the 6th season of Buffy. And I loved the scenary. I sort of got lost in the artwork and missed some of the movie as I'm sure most do. So I would definetly recommend seeing the movie more than once because something is always missed.

Hooray for me. I bought the 5th season of Buffy. I'm caught up at the current time. And I purchased Linkin Park the first album. So I'm off to eat some chicken noodle soup, color in my Strawberry Shortcake book, and watch Buffy.

Does anyone have the receipe for Matza Ball Soup? I had it last year and I really want to learn to make it myself. If you do please email the receipe to me or leave a comment.

Toodles...

Surprise

April left for Mexico this morning. A belated Christmas gift from her parents. Two weeks in Mexico...San Diego....with her aunt and uncle and their kids. What am I going to do for two weeks? Huh? And to top it all off she ordered me the third season of Buffy on DVD and it hasn't been given to me yet because it hasn't reached her yet. This is the best season due to the whole Buffy vs. Faith thing. They would make the hottest lesbians if they would just hook up. Anywho, now I have seasons 1, 2, 4...why didn't I buy 3 you ask because my favorite episode "Hush" is on season four. I'm going to see the last "Lord of the Rings" today with my mother. The Mercedes dealer gave us free tickets...that was nice of them. I plan on buying the Fifth Season of Buffy on DVD today. I really want the sixth season because that is where Willow goes all "Psycho You Killed My Lesbian Lover" witch on everybodies asses. And that is my second favorite episode because how hot was she all eviled out?

Aside from not doing a thing yesterday. And when I mean not doing a thing I didn't even go see April before she left to go to Mexico...I feel really bad. I am gonna miss her for two weeks. I've decided that I'm not cutting my nails any longer. Does anyone know how annoying it is to trim your nails, file them, buff them, and then have to do it two weeks later? It's a big ol' pain in the ass. Those of you that know me in the physical sense know that my nails grow extremely fast and they always have to be cut at least every other week. My father hates my nails growing out but I will file and buff them when they break. So far only one has broke and that has to do with me trying to see if I could break it. But I know this won't last because I get tired of my nails being long and eventually cut them. These bitches are strong this time...damn all that vitamin C.

Tricia, it was wonderful of you to recognize that I kept up my part of the bargain about Christmas presents. I didn't ask for a damned thing. Nothing. Nahta. However, my parents did not keep up their end of the bargain. While they didn't afford me the luxury they usually do here is the list of what I got for Christmas without asking for:

1. Lord of the Rings silver ring with elvish engraving that spins.
2. Bringing Down the House
3. Daddy Daycare
4. Master of Disguise...can you tell I'm obsessed with movies...I'm up to like 600 now.
5. A brand new crisp $100 bill
6. Socks
7. Shirts
8. A $50 gift certificate to Borders Books...this was from my Dad

While this doesn't seem like much it is more than I expected. I thought they would get me some odds and ends. I had told them that I didn't want anything but as you know being an only child the parents have to do something. But I did keep up my part of the bargain and did not ask for anything. I'll post a picture of the ring tomorrow evening...it's quite nice.

Anyway, New Year's is approaching and I have no one to party with since my April is in Mexico. What am I going to do now? Maybe I'll go to New York for New Years? Hmm...wonder if I can talk anyone in to going with me? Probably not.

And for those of you that either sent emails or left comments about Dorian Grey...this would be Faustus and Bob...I just wanted to tell you that I searched 3 bookstores Friday and all three were sold out. So one day I'll own the book. And by the way has anyone ever seen the movie "The Portrait of Doria Grey?" Does it remotely follow the book? Is it worth my while?

Later that day after...

Got home from the movies. It was funny because majority of the audience was children. They were completely silent as were the parents. I loved the movie. Now I want to move to Never Neverland. Does anyone know a plane company I can charter there? And where can I get a fairy?

The day after...

Aside from having a good holiday there is always the day after. This day is used for shopping and hitting sales and thinking about what a great time you had the day before. I have yet to do either. Actually it's 1pm and I have yet to get a bath. But I have managed to find out what time "Peter Pan" starts. I must tell you that I'm fascinated with any type of story or movie that involves being a child forever. I wish that I were still a child. I also wish that I didn't leave my hair weave Barbie at work so I could do her hair. So maybe I still do have a little child left in me. Well my back is hurting in the "I need some percocet or vicodin because I can't tolerate this" way. So I'm going to take some percocet and get ready for the movies. I will blog about it I'm sure seeing that I have nothing better to do when I come home.

C-Day 2003

I was very happy to see my family today. Especially, my grandfather who has not been up to WV in over 3 years. I know this may be his last Christmas with us so I am grateful that it was at my house. I'm also grateful for the gifts that I received from each family member. I'm starting to think though that I don't want them to buy me or give me anything for Christmas since the other older cousins don't get anything. I know they give to their children and all and that I don't have any so I get but I really think it should just be about the children...i.e. Keith, Destiny, Peewee Al, Ethan, Phil Jr, Jonathan, David, and Dylan. Because the children are the ones that the holiday is all about. Not a 23 year old who has no significant other and no children. But lest the gives are very much appreciated. And Aunt Ganda since I know you read this page I really do love the book light. I tried to find batteries for it to use tonight but alas who every has AAA batteries. Damn.

What I am most grateful for was the following:

My family was in the livingroom. My grandfather was sitting in the kitchen alone because of the oxygen and everything. I came out of my room (oh I didn't mention I was sweating and running a high fever all day) and wondered why he was all alone. So I made some meatballs and sat down next to him. We talked about the weather, the food, what he was going to spend his Christmas money on. Just small talk. But it's something that I'll have in memory for the rest of my life. Just thought I would write it down for safe measure.

Hope everyone is warm and toasty tonight. I can't believe it's already over.

Pictures of me as a child and the hat I wore to work today...





And people wonder why I'm confused. My first Halloween Mom dresses me up as a Baby DragQueen.



The Church/Gardening Hat







Hope that everyone has a great Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukkah and that you remain safe throughout as well.

With love and kisses to everyone. Peace.

11pm and a question for you all...

I just finished watching something on Seabiscuit. The movie or documentary. It didn't say anything about the horse being dead so I asked my father the following questions:

Me/Paul: "Dad is Seabiscuit still alive?"

Dad: "No Paul he died in the 1940's."

Me/Paul: "Are you sure because I thought horses lived to be like 70 years old?"

Dad: "You are getting to be as bad as Jessica Simpson."

OH MY GOD! My dreams of being a ditsy blonde are coming to a reality. Now all I need is highlights (I refuse to bleach my entire head) and I'm like 3/4 the way there.

Was this really a dumb set of questions? Please be honest...

Oh and Faustus if you happen to read this entry who the hell wrote that comment about "homosexuality being this la la la...blah...bullshit?" I'm sure you don't know but damn if I wouldn't like to respond to that comment. I have a few past comments to that effect and it pisses me off everytime I see comment like that one others pages. I guess it's better to just not say anything because that is...(oh my god I really can't think of what to say...I sort of wanted to say that is the way to make them ever angier by not responding but then I wondered if the kill them with kindness sort of fits in?). Yeah I'm 3/4 the way there.

Horseshit

Cookie day at work went splendidly well after I fixed things. I go to the table and only a dozen of the sugar cookies are gone. I'm thinking to myself "Paul you made Faustus' cookies and they are wonderful yet no one has really eaten them. Damn them all." Aside from there being too many cookies I figured that maybe people just didn't notice them. In return I took the cookie container and marched around to everyone telling my sob story about the original "dud" cookies. Then I informed them "This receipe is from Faustus who lives in New York. This receipe came all the way from New York and you haven't tried the cookies? Here are two." Needless to say my co-workers loved the cookies and a few asked for the receipe. See you evil bastards you didn't take the cookies therefore, you get no receipe.

Never if you ever run across the Rosie O'donnell bar thing make it. It is too sweet. Now I understand why my beloved Rosie is the size of a mack-truck. It almost favors a ring-ding/devil dog/Dairy Queen brownie earthquake. Too much.

I've delcared that having the inner diva that I have that the new me is "Glamour Princess." The kit contains a tiara, silver bag, and a Petal mirror as a microphone, and The Go-Go's. When you throw all the ingredients together you pretty much get me lipsyncing to The Go-Go's wearing a tiara and holding a pretend microphone and handbag. At work I might add.

Well Cheryl is on her way over and I have to start dinner. I'm thinking baked chicken with a lemon zest and parsilled(<---I'm sure this is spelled wrong) potatoes. Anyway, thanks again for the receipe Faustus...you saved the day with your Receipe Super Powers. And everyone have a goodnight.

Last thing for the night

*Looks of disbelief and wonder*

I can't believe how many people have left comments today. I am especially surprised that Faustus visited my blog. I am so honored that I don't know what to do with myself. I never knew he had ever read my blog. Oh but now I feel that my life is full and that my cookies with Faustus' receipe will be filled with oodles of goodness.

That's all.

Night everyone.

Cookie Monster

So in light of events that have taken place about 30 minutes ago I am feeling quite uninspired. I decided that I would make sugar cookies but that they needed a twist...a new taste...a dash of diva. So I found a quick and simple sugar cookie receipe. I baked the first batch as just plain sugar cookies. They tasted wonderful...like the old fashioned sugar cookies my grandmother makes. Where they are a little sugary but still have a sort of shortbread taste. Wonderful I thought. Now to add my twist and make them "my signature cookie." So I took butterscotch chips and almonds to them. There were 5 chips and an almond in the center. Introducing Butterscotch Almond a la Sugar Cookies. My father was the taste tester for these cookies. And as luck would have it he couldn't get enough of them until I told him he had to stop eating them because they were for the people at work. So I made the cookies. All 6 dozen. I thought to myself I really want to have the cut-out sugar cookies (i.e. Santa, bells, snowmen..you get it) so I made another batch of the dough. It turned out fabolous for making the shaped cookies. They were baked. Turned out great. So after all the cookies are cooled and I am sure that my new invention cookies will be a hit tomorrow I get a shower and relax for a while. So then I say to Mom and Dad that we have to try one of the cookies again to make sure that they are suitable for tomorrow. We all taste the cookies after they have "cooled," remember we had only tasted them warm out of the oven before. Well let me tell you something they were so soft and fluffy. Perfect texture and color. Brown tipped edges. However, and this is the outcome of 2 hours of baking...sugar cookies that taste wonderful when them are warm...but when they cool they taste like complete shit. They tasted like flour. I put in 2 1/2 cups of sugar. It only called for 1 cup. Where did the sweet, sugary taste that they had when they were warm go? Why do my sugar cookies always turn to shit? Why? So needless to say the second batch of cookies were tossed in the trash. The first batch I made are good but they don't taste like they did when the were warm. Here is the best description I can give of what they orginally tasted like:

Nutty due to the almond
Extremely sugary due to the overuse of sugar
Buttery
A slight hint of butterscotch

Now they taste of all purpose flour. So needless to say I will be baking a different kind of cookie that I had orginally wanted to bake. They are called "Paper Thin Brown Edged Sugar Cookies." This is the receipe that my mother made years ago. She couldn't find the receipe for me so I decided to use the online receipe like she suggested...it is a dud. So she somehow remembers the receipe after the fact of me baking 12 dozen cookies. These sugar cookies always turn out fabolous. These are the only sugar cookies that I can bake that turn out good. Why do I always try to use a new receipe that will never turn out? Huh? I should know better by now. Mom is helping me with these cookies because my back is hurting really bad from standing on the ceramic tile floor for 2 hours. Thank God she found her receipe. I am forever indebted.

I told her that if she didn't want to help bake them that she could go to the store and get the pre packaged ones but then I thought "That is cheating. Christmas cookies are supposed to be baked from the heart because that is one of the few things that still remains a Christmas tradition I will not cheat." So onto another 2 hours of baking. Please wish me luck.

And Jess, if you should ever visit my site again thanks for your comment about FAO Schwartz. I love that store and would hate to see it go out of business. Have you ever been there? And also if you have been there isn't the hall of magnents faboo? Thanks for visiting the site dear...I only have a few select people who read so it's nice to see others stopping by. Have a great holiday!!

Smooches people! I out for the rest of the day. I've written too much and baked too much. What I really need to do is smoke too much and passout. Oh but if I still did drugs...I found the bowl Manda R. made me when I worked at AB & C...it is so cute. She told me I had to use it before I died and I will if I ever decided to get smoked up again. How I would love to have some of the hash crispy treats she made that one time at work.

Memories.

Tomorrow

Is cookie exchange day at work and I need a receipe for Sugar cookies. I looked on the internet as my mother says there has to be one on the net but all I got back in response to the search "simple sugar cookie receipe," is a receipe for a simple pot roast. Never knew there were meat cookies...now the thought of baking is ruined. But I must bake..and knit my scarf. I feel so Martha Stewart today. Except it's so cold I can't feel my feet...maybe I'll try knitting socks or leg warmers.

It's about 45 minutes later

And I've managed to read up to September of 2002 on David's blog. I remembered that I had wanted to ask him if New York has Coinstar yet and never did. So I did today. My Aunt Ann who just came back from Manhattan and went to Macy's and Saks without me told me last night that FAO Schwartz is going bankrupt. I told her she is a crazy disillusioned bag and never from her mouth should those words have come. She however, swore that it was true. I ran to my room and got my FAO Schwartz bear and gave her the finger. Life at the moment is wonderful...except for:

My runny nose
My strained eyes that will not stop hurting
My phelgm
My being cold all the time
My having to work tomorrow

But I'm planning a trip with Aunt Ann...a.k.a. Skeletor...to go to New York for a couple of days in February. She will pay for the FAO comment when I throw her into one of the chandeliers in the Barbie world floor of the store. Yes I do remember the big clock and loving that they had every Barbie imaginable...and most were in glass cases and it was all white and decadent (as a toy store can get).

Ahh New York...Times Square...4am...a homeless woman dressed in potato sacks...with plastic red rose in hand...chasing me and two friends...

Me knocking Chrissy and Christy out of the way to escape the haggard being and then getting lost until 6am trying to get from East 57th street to West 57th street....have I ever told you that my real name is Jessica...and my last name is Simpson?

Chicken salad to go please...

You all I have something extemely important to announce:

I think I'm pregnant, with twins!

I have really had the craving for chicken salad and romaine lettuce. That is all I managed to eat yesterday and here it is and I am feaning for it again. What will I do when I run out of chicken salad? It will be like the time I ran out of Vicodin when I was a huge druggie...I'll fucking go insane. But, the happy train just arrived and reminded me that I went to Costco and I've got it all under wraps.

Something is telling me that April had sex last night. You did didn't you? Aww...you naughty naughty piggy...you has sex with the little Charles Town guy didn't you? Yah...ha..ha?

I must not remember stuff well. Really. Because I had read all of David's page and I really didn't remember him saying that he was from Maryland. I read all of Patrick's like two weeks ago and I swear the only thing I truly can remember is him tripping on acid in college with a date and his mom. Other than that I draw a blank. My mind must really be giving up on me. I mean yeah I can remember all the words to "Our Town" by the Go-Go's and any other song lyric you throw in front of me but when it comes to remembering reading I'm just like a big blank canvas with maybe a few scattered thoughts.

My mission on earth must be to remember as many songs as I can so that when I go to hell I can be an entertainer. Anywho.

So now I am reading the whole site again...it shouldn't take that long it's only a year and some odd months of blog...

One more thing for the day...

Last night I told my mother that my father got her the following for Christmas:

"Mom guess what Dad got you for Christmas? A vibrator that doesn't need batteries."

An my favorite(and no I've never used one...I mean favorite funny ha ha)

"Mom I wanted to let you know that Dad got you a double headed dildo for Christmas....surprise!"

It is like 6 hours later

And I have yet to get out of my old navy fleece pajamas. But what I have managed to do is watch almost all the episodes of "Rich Girls." They are slowly but surely becoming my role models. I wish that I could have lots of money and really not know what I was talking about all the time. So basically all I need is a lot of money because those of you that know me know that I'm the second coming of Jessica Simpson (i.e girl who thought tuna was chicken). Yeah I am pretty smart and know a good bit but there are those times when I ask questions like this:

Questions asked to April:

"April do you think if I adopted my own street that I could get arrested for prostitution on the street I've adopted? I mean I own it sort of...well?"

"April do you think that in the world there is some place named "somewhere?" Like Somewhere, Minnesota?"

Question asked to Cheryl:

"Cheryl, when you look at a picture do you ever wonder what the person was thinking about at that moment that the photo was taken?" This wasn't a stupid question until I added..."or what color their natural hair color is and if they have ever worn a thong?"

There are more but I really can't think of them at the moment. Sometimes I wish I could go through life being a total ditz (<---I really have never tried to spell this word...is this right?) bag. I think I could be really good at it.

Anyway, the next episode of "Rich Girls" is getting ready to come on and it's one I haven't seen so I'm off to see them go on a shopping spree. Oh but before I end I wanted to let everyone know for lunch I had a chicken salad sandwich that was on this amazing flatbread with romaine lettuce and stuff. It was way yummy!

Hmm

I'm wondering how my journal entry from the 18th has anything to do with someone wanting "young pussy," as left on the comments. Anyway, Akinyele, which is so not this person's name it's the name of the group that sings "Put it in your mouth," shall only get ahold of old wrinkled twat. Thanks for the comment babe better luck next time.

Today I really want another tattoo. Seeing that I only have 9 in total I think I need to make it even. Don't ya think? I'm not exactly sure what I want to get though. If I decide by noon I'm getting an appointment and having it done this afternoon. I think I want a ring permanently tattooed on my middle finger that says "Fuck You" but in scroll work. That sounds pretty out of the ordinary huh? Maybe not. I've also thought about getting Ganesha tattooed on my other foot since I already have the Om symbol on my left foot, that way I'll have a pair of Hindu symbols. Hmm...as of the moment I'm a guy that is 40% Czech, 40% English, 10% Black Dutch, and 10% Jewish (these are % guesses but they are probably accurate) with Chinese and Hindu writing and Celtic imagery tattooed throughout his body. I should have been born Egyptian.


The lead singer of Trapt, Chris Brown is very hard to see in the video "Head Strong." So for those of us that want to know what he looks like...and it is quite worth it...here is a picture:



I happen to find the song "HeadStrong" wonderful so I thought I would add the banner for awhile for those of you who have never heard the song you can hear it if you click the banner above.

Aside from hearing Trapt all morning on MTV and VH1...I watched videos from 5:42am until 8am and saw the video 4 times I've been listening to Sarah McLachlan's "Fallen." I quite enjoy it. More than I thought I would actually since I banned listening to her after she sung the song at the end of Buffy when Buffy had to kill Angel. But now I must start anew and just forget about that tragic evening of my life. Plus it brings back other stuff too...that I won't talk about.

I have no clue on what I am going to do today besides possibly getting another tattoo. Christmas shopping is done, it's cold outside, I have a sinus infection, and yet I want to do something so I'm not bored all day long. Maybe I'll go see Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King...yes that's what I'll do...or maybe I'll go buy a crack rock and smoke it...yes that too is a possiblity...or maybe I'll dress in drag all day and go to Shepherdstown...of the three options I'm sort of leaning to...

Dress up in drag while high on crack and go to the movies. God I'm good at my own event management.

Anyway, I need to find something to do that is at least a quater percent productive. Knitting I'm not in the mood for. Eating is out of the question. Drinking alchoholic beverages...unh...maybe. Cussing at people and making them cry...priceless.

Write more later everybody...and Akinyele....EWW!

El Doctoro

Went to see my doctor today. Found out I do have a serious sinus infection. I thought this morning that I was going to pop my eyeballs out from the bathroom/toilet activity I had going on this morning...no...I was vomiting....I didn't want to say it but then it sounded like I was masturbating while having diaherrea. Anywho, the doctor said it's a good thing that I came to see him because it started to move to my lungs...and we all know what that means...pneumonia. So he gave me some antibiotics and some vicodine tussin (oh hell yeah baby). So I'm set for the duration of a snowy weekend. Yes for those of you in hotter climates this will mark the 5th snow of December.

And please don't think that I was depressed when I wrote all the stuff yesterday because I'm not. I just had to write what I was thinking about because if I didn't it would have bothered me all night thinking about how to get it out of my head. I'm doing great. I'm not transferring departments...I just can't. Even though it would be better for my job qualifications and what not I just can't leave Cheryl. I'm not basing it on her feelings about me leaving I'm actually realizing that I look forward to going in each day to see Cheryl and Kim. They make my day so great and enjoyable that I don't want to give that up and be in a padded cell answering doctor's insurance questions all day. Plus I've heard that the doctor's offices get quite rude (cussing and the such) and you can't cuss back. Fuck that!

Anyway, those of you that know my father know that he never cusses or claims to. I've only heard him twice in my 23 years. So we were driving and this guy cut in front of me and almost made me wreck. I'm so glad I have a button to turn cussing on and off. I yelled "You stupid jerk." What was supressed from coming out was "You fucking asshole learn how to fucking yield motherfucker," as I gave him the finger. And I wanted to do it so bad but Dad was in the car. So after we stopped for dinner and my father left with my mother who followed us home I was driving home by myself with them following from Frederick to home. Anyway, I pull up at a stop sign let the person go and low and behold another work van hauls ass at the same time almost causing me to collide with him. One fucking car at a time asshole. Needless to say my wish was granted and I got to do the whole "You fucking asshole learn how to use a fucking stop sign you fucking bastard," as the middle finger went up. The only bad part is my father probably saw the finger go up. I'm waiting for them to get back from the store to know. But even if he saw me when I was singing on the way to the doctors I made sure to sing all the cuss words. I don't even know if he noticed that but oh well I'm old enough to make that decision. But in a way I wish I had his tolerance for not cussing...

But then what the fuck would I say all day?

When at work I had to write

It's weird to think about how we can never relive another day. Would we change anything if we could? What difference would it make in our future? We can only remember those days and think about what could have been done differently. Not that I would change much, if anything at all. I think I would have played more, studied more, and tried different foods. Just small things that seem to bother me today. I should have kept more people close to me and not pushed them away as I most always tend to do...just to know that they are doing well. I'm pretty content with me at the present time but, I'm starting to realize just how much of a lost soul I am. The truth is that I don't want to be found. I'd love to stay hidden to myself because only I understand me most of the time. Yes, I appreciate my family and friends but I dream of just being alone. I feel like I'm in my own political party as a "separatist." I don't really think much about current events or the other bullshit in the world. I find myself wanting to break free from society and just be the loner I have always been. Even as a child I kept to myself for most all of the day. Even at school I would sit alone, eat alone, and for most of elementary school play alone. It's not that I didn't have friends I just liked being with me...again alone. Sometimes I wonder if this is odd for a person to wish themselves to be free of others or if it is normal and people just deny themselves the truth to what they have always longed for...self. It is difficult for a lot of people to understand this concept of being alone and enjoying/loving every moment of being by yourself. Everyone always tells me it's because I haven't found that special someone and things will change, "give it time." But deep down inside, even though a snuggle buddy would be nice, I just want to be left alone. When I want to be around others or communicate I'll do so but if I don't just please understand my psyche. Not that it is that easy to grasp. Sometimes I wonder if I fully can grasp it myself. I think, and this may sound crazy, that when I die my heaven or "paradise" as Dante says will be an eternity of just me. Yeah I'll admit that I do crave company sometimes for long periods of time but I am always led to the same place of wanting to be alone. I think about all the people around me at work and how if none on them were here and there was a defening silence how grand it would be. I do enjoy their company however, I'd much rather prefer to be left alone without distraction and just do my job. Even in the car when I'm alone I love the feeling of it just being me driving wherever and being able to do this alone so that I absorb the whole trip. I'm tired of making other people laugh and helping them cheer up but when I'm happiest (quiet and distant) I'm told there has got to be a problem or that I make it hard for them to deal with me because of my mood. Obviously, I wouldn't be so defensive if they would just step back and keep quiet. I love to go into my own world. It gives me time to think and just be myself even if it is all mentally. I feel happy just being silent and having my mind race with thoughts and ideas. You get to know yourself so much just by thinking about stuff. Sometimes, I wish that I were on my own. Coming home each night to my little apartment and doing what I want to do with no one else around. Maybe I am just trying to live in a fantasy world. I don't know but I truly know I would enjoy it. Despite what other people try to force feed me. I wonder if this will ever happen? Can it? Probably not but it would be wonderful. There are times when I just close my eyes and block out the world and it is wonderful to me not hearing or seeing anything or anyone. But anyway...another day is passing that can never be seen or experienced again. At least I have my journal to remind me of what I had going on this or that day to look at years from now.

After I wrote all of this at work by the end of the day I was ready to go home. Leaving work I had volunteered to go to Professional Services which means I would transfer departments for about 5 months out of the year. Well when everyone found out it was an outcry of do not go. Cheryl was most upset. For the first time in a long time I felt that people wanted me around. It felt good for awhile but then I realized just how much it is all based on me being the goofy/silly person they can turn to just to make them feel better. I may have a good personality when it comes to making people feel good but I'm terrible at not satisfying myself. When I hurt people like Cheryl who told me "I never cared if any of my other cuby buddies left but I am devistated now that you are going to leave" I feel a need to not do what I think I should do. Maybe that is my flaw that I give of myself but never fully satisfy myself. Yeah there is the material aspect which I always take care of but the emotional side that is always neglected. Life is such a bitch...and for me questioning if I would want to be born if I had the choice I'm most certain actually 99% positive that I would say no. Is this a bad thing...I don't think so. My mother got really upset when we were talking about this one time and I told her if I had the choice I wouldn't have been born which made her extremely upset and I can understand why so the opinion changed to an I'm just joking answer. If you had the option to be born would you take it or leave it? Have you ever even thought about it? I have as you can tell.

Well it's almost 6 so I'm going to get a shower and knit or do something constructive. And Aunt Ganda it's different for you not worrying about cuddling because you have had someone for the past 17 years to do that with but for those of us that never have it...it's a pain in the ass. I just want to wake up some days and be able to see him/her/someone beside me sleeping and watch them sleeping and when they wake up feel their arms around me. So yeah maybe my thoughts at work aren't exactly accurate when it comes to me wanting to be alone but I've had someone and I just pushed them away in the end.

Whatevah...

We Got The Beat

Among other things I have found that I love The Go-Go's more than most people do. I listen to them to and from work and whenever else in between. I am declaring myself a total fag. April, you must learn to appreciate them...you will love them.

Has it come to anyone's attention that I need a fucking snuggle buddy? Huh? Has it? I'm at a loss. Even my huge Bedtime Carebear is just not filling that void any longer. Yada...yada..yada. Case in point some needs to snuggle me damn it.

Today at work I managed to do absolutely nothing except for take one of Cheryl's snowmen hostage. She decided she was leaving early and I told her that if she did one of her prized handcrafted snowmen would be taken. She left. In return, Fifi the French whore snowlady was taken hostage and a ransom note was put in her place. She is hidden...ya...ha...ha. Cheryl will have to pay the ransom to get her back...a Mocha Frappacino.

Tomorrow evening I will be wrapping Cheryl's Christmas presents because she hates to do it. In return we will have dinner and watch the BirdCage while we have Wrapping War 2003. It will be most enjoyable. "Oh the precious...I love the precious," and she will remain missing until a later date.

Angelo...hmm...why have you not been writing for the like 7th day in a row? We seriously need to talk about this. I'm having withdrawls Angelo of the one liners that rock my day. I know you have finals and everything but at least blog something.

Well everyone I'm off to watch "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen," however, the vampire is a woman so I don't get the title yet. And knit somemore of my scarf and eat. You all have a splendid evening.

So yeah...I'm pretty pissed

All my old comments are gone. The funny ones are gone...Angelo leave the underwear comment again please...I truly love that one. They did some random update on our comments and erased all the old ones...damn them to hell.

I have a major crush on several people's blogs I'm reading. It's not actually a crush it's just that through their writings I'm sort of in a "please let me meet you so we can talk for hours over a long dinner"mood. Damn why can't these people live around me. It's one thing to be attracted to someone physically but it is totally different to get the "warm and fuzzies" from reading their journals. Aww...come on people move to Maryland or West Virginia...please. I'll cook for you and take care of you like a housewife would. I really need to get out more...really? I'm just wondering if the people that I find fascinating and alluring know who they are? Hmm? Wonder if you can figure it out?

Maybe I'm just lonely I don't know? or maybe I'm ready to settle down with someone. I'm looking for my little blog angel to come whisk me away and make me laugh at night when we do nothing but snuggle. Yeah there are two clues into who the two people are. Figure it out yet? But I really do want the sentence to come true soon.

I also want to adopt a child. I want a little asian child. I feel so Angelina Jolie right now...but I really want a child in the worst way. I now feel like a woman going through menopause who has wanted aanother baby all her life and just realized it may never happen.

How depressing?

Good night my loves wherever you are. I want to snuggle now...snuggle under some warm blankets.

I have to go get Baby Girl. Write more tomorow.

P

Orn...nah...mental...

Thought it would be a good day to put up the christmas tree. Went to Wally World. Mom wanted it red this year...(oh but if only someone would come ah knockin for the red light special.) so she bought red garland and bows. I bought the remainder:

Red christmas lights
50 new ornaments
Red christmas bulbs

Yeah the list may not seem that long but try buying 50 new ornaments. I must be mental? The christmas tree is done. My christmas bears are out. The outside of the house is decorated in red and it is still snowing and sleeting. And it's seriously cold outside. Hey if I build a fire...

Will someone come and snuggle and drink cocoa with me? Please?

Costco and Me

Went to Baltimore today to see the grandparents and go shopping. We had to go to Costco. Big mistake. Never allow me to buy in bulk ever again. Who needs 8 cans of chicken meat that weigh like a pound per can. Who needs 40 Capri Suns? Who needs two super huge things of mustard? Who needs a case of pomengranets? Who needs anything in bulk except of a soup kitchen? I guess I do.

Hope everyone is ready for more of this bullshit of weather we call "snow." Keep warm and toasty.

P.S. My scarf is so pretty...and Baby Girl's is baby blue...how cute?

Mornin' y'all

Thought I would drop a note before heading out to work on why I haven't been posting:

I've been enthralled in the Lifetime's two-hour a night special of The Nanny. Who could possibly resist that? Watching The Nanny and knitting a scarf. Yes I'm on the fast track to knitting myself and Baby Girl a scarf. Yay me. Write somemore later.

Oh...and expand a little more on your life Angelo...(i.e. age, major, foods, books...this would be the part where I'm requesting an email if you would be so kind.) And you can always expect a response in return. My email address is listed in the links. Toodle caboodle.

Kah...nitting

Yeah I'm a superstar now. I figured out why I couldn't do the damn knit stitch...I wasn't casting right. I was using the left handed people page instead of the right handed people page so it fucked everything up. Now I can knit. I'm knitting my rat "Baby Girl" a scarf. I will have a matching one too...but of course. Other than that I'm doing well...work is flying by....Christmas is close...but I still have insomnia.

P.S. Tricia Calvin Klein's Eternity used to be my signature cologne but it made me feel a little attracted to myself. I myself drool when I smell it on someone...on me it is just exceptionally fragrant and made many at the alphabet soup group drool. Sharon used to say that it was sexier on me than anyone she had ever smelled it on before. Go figure?

I'll say it again...

I should seriously be a professional shopper. Today I headed to Hagerstown, MD with my mother to the Valley Mall. Big mistake.

List of things I bought for myself:

1. 2 Sterling silver rings
2. A shirt from hot topic that has a baby on it that says "Damn You All."
3. Cruxenchanter CD
4. A Shady Unlimited Hoody
5. A red cappacino mug
6. Three pairs of pants
7. A peacoat
8. A Gucci hat
9. Matching Gucci scarf (and no they are not knockoffs)
10. Knitting supplies (I've yet to learn the knit stitch but I can cast like a bitch)
11. The book "The Divinci Code."
12. A haircut

Christmas gifts...done....finally...if you don't like what I bought you tough shit...take it back...I'm done with it all.

So all together I spent about a grand this weekend between Christmas presents and myself presents. Someone needs to fucking help me do the damn knit stitch so I can start this fucking scarf. I'm heading to Aunt Velma's this weekend for a knitting lesson. I am able to do like two knit stitches and then I wind up getting pissed off and fucking up. So I'm going to finish crocheting my blanket and be happy I can at least do that.

But other than that I'm worn out and want to go take a long hot shower and go to bed. Later y'all.

P.S. Angelo you need to post more....it is so good for you. And I made my mother buy a Louie Vuitton bag today...it is so cute.

3:26am and I'm wide awake

Fell asleep on April and going to the movies. Don't know what happened I just zonked out. Sorry April.

Managed to sleep a couple of hours from like 8pm to 11pm. Go me! Now I've decided the internet is home for awhile. No one except for Cyn really updated their blogs...come on people I need something to do here.

I think I'm going to watch some Buffy the Vampire Slayer collection! "Hush" is my favorite episode with the Gentlemen. So until I fall asleep again....hope everyone is resting well...

And I smell sexy for it being 3 in the morning. This Hugo Boss stuff is yummy! Not that Allure by Chanel wasn't or my Perry Ellis or Eternity. I really need to have a signature fragrance.

Snow White you Whore

So much for having a good weekend of shopping and la la la. The la la la part is in reference to the evil doings that have yet to occur. There is about 8 or so inches of snow outside...hmm 8 inches. Yeah there is evil thought #1...turning something as pretty (annoying) as snow into a sexual thing. But what am I to do with myself today. Of course, I can bake more cookies which I really find there is no need to do because of the eight dozen that exploded out of the oven last night. Or I could be courageous and play in the snow and try to make snow angels. But they would probably turn out as snow satans since my luck with the divine hasn't been the greatest lately. Or I could wait until a decent hour, call April, tell her we need to go shopping and hope that she wants to go. If not Betsy the Benz is going to have a real good time of getting to Frederick with snow that probably sits higher than the body of the car. She has low profile tires. I feel shopping is the only thing to do besides going stir crazy. Plus it makes me happy and all warm and fuzzy.

Speaking of warm and fuzzy I need to find someone that makes me feel that way of a semi-daily basis. I won't be too hard on them. Aside from the fact that even the ugliest of all creatures is being considered for my lover (yeah there is no ugly creature it's just a statement) I really need someone to at least get a little tongue action with. I've made sure to take care of my lips and everything this winter. I even told Cheryl at work on Friday that they were all warm and soft for kissing. And they are. They are way soft. I expect the same in return. Anyone want to just have a makeout could possibly lead to wild, passionate, animalistic sex meeting? Applications now being accepted.

Went to Walmart last night. I am throughly learning to hate Walmart, that is why I go there often. I saw Amanda and Billy's new baby. I am in love with the little angel. He is so adorable. I want a baby so bad. It's a shame men can't get pregnant. I could just imagine the possibilites of clothing opportunities awaiting my newborn. It's weird but everyone always tells me they can't see me as a father. I saw "Whatevah" with a middle finger to ya because I am extremely good with children. I only watched my cousin Keith and Destiny on end when I lived in Baltimore. Plus I have spent countless hours entertaining Raina and Darien. My child would be just like me. However, what they wouldn't be is a child who was teased from age 7 until 17. A child that had the shit kicked out of him. Basically, a child living in a fantasy world just to escape the realities of his life with ignorant people. My child would be accepting of everyone (except for the really icky people). My child would not live in West Virginia. If only I had a "my child." April we need to get you pregnant with twins so I can have one. Get to sluttin'.

Considering it's only 7:52am I'm sure there will be more to post later today so I'll shut up for now. And after reading some of my previous posts I can tell I must have been high on pills or drunk. Maybe my writing is getting better and more cohesive now that The Wizard of Oz finally gave me a brain. But please let there be an offer when I cum back from wherever I find myself today.

And for those of you who think there should be marriage equality as I myself do please sign the following petition by clicking here
Yeah it's 8:17am and I have more to say


After my toe had an intimate gathering with the foot of the desk I decided I'd stay on line just a little longer.

Why can't I find more people like Angelo in West Virginia? Hmm? I've spent the last half hour reading through his archieves now that they are fully available. And I must say I'm in love with his writing. Examples of what has made me giggle and wish he wrote books in the genre of "The Broken Diaries."

1. While painting my mother's bathroom this afternoon, I had the most shocking revelation: My mother is my ultimate faghag.

2. I think I need to stop hanging out with heterosexuals.

3. I felt as ordinary as a toaster today.

4. I think I may have died and resurfaced in the innermost circles of hell.

5. I hate skinny people who eat as if they had the stomach capacity of Rosie O'Donnell.

Yeah, that's right the last one just about made me want to end my life on a happy note. Angelo my little ball of blogging sunshine where were you when I was in high school and college?

It's 6pm what the fuck are you doing...?

Just got in from shopping. Managed to not buy one damn Christmas present for anyone but myself. Let's see:

Missy Elliott's new cd
No Doubt's greatest hits cd
The Go-go's greatest hits cd
A Hugo Boss cologne set with free Hugo Boss traveling bag, and some rock collection garden candle thing
Apple, Berry, and Cucumber handwipes from Bath and Body Works
Fresh Linen spray for my sheets and pillows...yummy.
A shirt that has a tractortrailer on it that says "For a Good Time Call Your Mother."
A shirt that has the saying "The People that think they know everything annoy the people like me that do."

Yeah Santa needn't bring any gifts for me this year. And let's see if you have the opportunity listen to the Missy song about "Hair Weave." It is quite amusing. Supposed to be going to the movies and out to a bar afterward tonight...it's quite icy out so we'll see what happens. By the way...

THE GO-GO'S ROCK!!

If I knew you were ah cummin'

I'd a baked a cake. Instead I just baked eight dozen cookies. Why you ask? I have no idea. Four dozen double peanut butter cookies, and four dozen chocolate pecan cookies. Tomorrow is butterscotch cookies. I feel like Martha Stewart without all the "I did some inside cookie trading" ordeal. Anywho, I'm tired from all this baking so I'm going to watch Shrek. Hey I can't help it I'm still intouch with my inner child.

Hope everyone is cozy and toasty that is getting hit with this fucking snow! I had to call all over Ohio today to do updates for Summacare and the people were all types of chatty..."Is it snowing where you are?" "How much snow do you have?" "What color are your underwear and can I smell them." What the hell is up with people's personalities when it comes to snow...it's not like you can get high off of it...it's not cocaine...

If it were I would have answered back "They are black Calvin Klein boxer briefs with a button fly. Are you cute and horny? If so, you can smell them."

When Satan came to visit

Last night I had the weirdest dream. I was in my bed and these two hands came out from the back of my bed. They didn't try to strangle me or anything but they had really long talons/nails. And I heard someone say "It's the hand of Satan." So the hands start to scratch me and start with my wrists. My mother walks into the room and cannot stop it from happening. I wake up and I have scratch marks all over my wrists and arms. And to make matters even weirder my dog Laquita who never sleeps in the bed with me she stays with my mother started whining when I woke up to get on the bed with me. She slept the rest of the night in my bed. I had fell back to sleep and started to dream this shit again and she started barking to wake me back up.

Is it just me or have I broken all ties with God? Am I that evil that Satan feels slitting my wrists is plausable? Should I have my room exorcised?

Mom said I must be the eviliest person because you don't hear of something like this everyday.

I'm seriously thinking about taking up a career as a nun just for safe measure. Oh and the cool part is that you get to hit people with rulers when they are bad. Yah...haa..haa. Yeah I'm pretty much damned.

And Patrick you haven't went comatose or anything have you? And just what does serotonin do? Hope you are doing well in the guinea pig experiment.

Later ya'll I've got to go hang a cross above my bed just to be safe.

Good Lord

My qualifications as a drama queen are slowly but surely fading. I tried to fake fainting today at work and all Esther could say was "Paul...cut the shit." Oh well tomorrow I'm going to be a mime for shits and giggles. The only bad part is I have to call insureds. What to do?

Someone must have been a smartass

And put water in the sand of my timer. Today went extremely slow. To the point I was ready to end it all. Minutes creeped by like hours...even decades. Where is my suga' daddy or suga' mama? Oh but where are you? Take me away from all this work...make me your shopping slave. After much consideration I think I want to be a professional shopper. Time flies when you are having fun.

I really need a vacation. I am supposed to go to Michigan to see Constance and Sarah in January if the weather is not too bad. They found some bars I could potentially find my future spouse at. I can't decide if I want to drive or fly? Hmm? I think I'll probably drive and take some pictures on the way up. I have no clue where Kalamazoo Michigan is but in due time I shall learn.

Nothing much has happened in life. Aside from playing Rummy with April and her mother the whole Thanksgiving vacation was a bust. Although I must say my skills are improving at rummy.

And Regina, my friend from Germany had her baby a couple of days ago. How exciting is that? I'll post pictures later. I have to upload them and I don't feel like it right now. I wonder when she is coming back to WV? Soon I hope.

And Amanda, my college buddy had her second baby, a boy named Ramee Momadoo (it's Islamic for Muhammad) on Saturday. There are just babies popping up everywhere.

I want one damnit.

Night ya'll